the other jokes

[Unbeliever]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

[Unbeliever]

Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

[Unbeliever]

Some people are like a Slinky: they're useless, but you still get a good feeling when you push them down the stairs.

[Dark Lightning]

One job I worked at, one gal had a sign on the wall of her office:
"Everyone brings joy to this office- some when they enter, some when they leave."

[Cassia]

I arrived early to the restaurant and the manager said: "Do you mind waiting a bit?"
I said "No."
"Good" he said. "Take these drinks to table 7."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I asked in a local restaurant how they prepare their chickens.
Chap said, "We just tell them straight that they're going to die".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Went to a restaurant last night with my wife.
Chap said, "Do you have reservations?".
I said, "Yes, but we will order some the food anyways".

[Gawdzilla Sama]

As I was going up a stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today!
I wish, I wish he'd go away!

Before I kill everyone he loves.

And his mother-in-law.

[Hydra009]

I am a grown adult and capable of adult seriousness.

Also, I met a british person and asked exactly where they were from.  They said Middlesex and I failed to suppress a snicker.

[Cassia]

I hate when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid.

[Unbeliever]

I don't watch football, so I don't know who Taylor Swift is, but he sounds fast.

[Unbeliever]

Never fight a dinosaur, you will get Jurrasskicked.

[Unbeliever]

Biology: the only science where multiplication means the same thing as division.

[Cassia]

One day the husband arrived home from work and said, "Today I saved $1.50. I ran behind the bus rather than riding it."
The wife responded, "IDIOT! Had you run behind a cab, you could have saved $15.00!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went on a date with a guy I met at the zoo!
I think he's a keeper...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was walking down the street and a woman just looked at me and shouted 'bargain'.
I just thought 'wow, that means a great deal'.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I hate when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid.

That was true even in days of your.

[Hydra009]

*brings a head of lettuce to a witches' coven*
witch: "Why did you bring that??"
Me: "You'll see"
Head witch: "Now, let us begin the ceremony"
*I laugh heartily*

[Cassia]

Is buttcheeks one word or do you gotta spread them apart?