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the other jokes

Started by Cassia, August 08, 2022, 11:53:41 AM

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Cassia

95% of all German Shepherds are dogs.
The other 5% are German Shepherds.
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Two cows standing in a field. One cow asks the other "So are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other cow says "Not at all; I'm a helicopter!"
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Two Mafia hitmen were walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says, "Man, it's creepy walking out here at night like this. Who knows what could be out there in the dark"

The other says, "Huh, you think YOU'RE scared? I'm the one who has to walk home alone!"


Unbeliever

Did Monica Lewinsky move to Cuba because Castro had bigger cigars?
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

ManUfan

I lost my job as a zookeeper, there was a load of signs everywhere saying "Don't feed the animals" so I didn't.

I asked my yoga teacher if she could teach me to do the splits.
She asked me about how flexible I am.
I told her that I could only do Thursday afternoons.

I've got to the age of 52 without using essential oils, makes me wonder how essential they actually are..
Maybe they should be called optional oils.

I split up a fight between a bind man and a deaf bloke. I hate senseless violence.

I'm here all week.


ManUfan

My uncle died recently. He drowned. I bought a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted.

Before me my wife was in a relationship with a clown.
I had some large shoes to fill.

Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets or as some people call them the in-laws staying over.

Another parent outside school asked me what year my daughter was in.
I said "2022, what year is yours in you weirdo."

Impotence. I've thought long and hard about it.

The scariest thing that I have ever done is a skydive. I got into the plane and they strapped me to this bloke.
Halfway down he said "So, how long have you been an instructor?"

I did stand up comedy a few years ago. It didn't go very well, as I walked off the stage I heard just one person clapping but quite slowly.
Then I remembered that I was wearing flipflops.

My best mate lost the use of his left side. He was alright in the end.

Jesus walks into a hotel, puts some nails on the counter and asks if they could put him up for the night.




Unbeliever

#5
Quote from: ManUfan on October 26, 2022, 04:13:31 PMI hate senseless violence.

One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise and came and killed the two dead boys.

🙊🙉🙈
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Mike Cl

Quote from: Unbeliever on November 07, 2022, 11:49:40 PMOne bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise and came and killed the two dead boys.

🙊🙉🙈
And if you don't believe the story is true, ask the blind policeman, he saw it too.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?