the other jokes

[Nobody]

2 guys in a casino in Vegas. One asks the other, "Hey, how ya doin'?"
The guy says, "Ah, I  win one day, and I lose the next."
So the first guy says, "Don't be stupid, play every other day."
Joey Bishop, roasting Jack Klugman

[Cassia]

It's a five-minute walk from his house to the pub.

It's a 30-minute walk from the pub to his house.

The difference is staggering.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

It's a five-minute walk from his house to the pub.

It's a 30-minute walk from the pub to his house.

The difference is staggering.

When I was on active duty my wife had a t-shirt made for me:

I MIGHT STAGGER HOME
BUT DAMNIT, I'LL
STAGGER LIKE A SAILOR!

[Nobody]

What do you call a group of 6 swingers?


A sextet.

[Cassia]

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: I'm too honest.

Interviewer: Candidly, I don't think that's really a weakness.

Me: I don't give a shit what you think.

[Nobody]

Honesty is a weakness if you're a lawyer or a politician.
Or a used-car salesman.

[Hydra009]

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: I'm too honest.

Interviewer: Candidly, I don't think that's really a weakness.

Me: I don't give a shit what you think.

Everyone says they value honesty, and to a certain extent, that's true - but tell them a harsh truth and they get mad.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Smarmy: I was just being honest! /Smarmy."

No, you were just being a jerk and tried to cover it up.

[Nobody]

Honesty is a weakness if you're a lawyer or a politician.
Or a used-car salesman.

Or a televangelist.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Raconteur?

[Nobody]

Jeez, haven't come across that word in a coon's age! 🦝

[Nobody]

I heard that you can now get married via the internet. It's called e-loping.

[Nobody]

"I told my doctor that I'd broken my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
Henny Youngman

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Jeez, haven't come across that word in a coon's age! 🦝

When I was in the fifth grade I was ordered to take bed rest for six months. Spent most of the school year in bed. My bed room was no where near the only TV in the house (1959 wasn't big on TV.) Loved to read but Mom didn't have a budget for as many books as it would take to keep me busy (i.e., out of her hair). So she went to the local library and borrowed an old pedestal dictionary. Eight inches thick. I started with "A" and circled back around when I got to the end. My lexicon was "of Brobdingnagian proportions".

I have never missed a word in a vocabulary test given by a potential employer, including the USN. When I in training for a "suit and tie" job with State Farm my instructor came to me and said "the other students are complaining that you use too many big words.*"

My reply was "tell me the words you don't know and I won't use them."

Thing was, I was using the words I knew, I just remember more than most people will ever know even  exist. This is NOT an achievement, I couldn't teach it, it's just the way my brain works. When the VA tested me to see if they could pay for my college I tested with an IQ of 128. Big deal. I'm not a millionaire or anything like that. I'm just me.

*From his face I could tell he was the one who was most intimidated.

[Nobody]

Back when I was a Scrabble player, I read the dictionary, like you did, over and over. I, though, was mostly interested in the 2-letter words, because they were very useful.