Realizing that Im Queer

_Xenu_ · September 20, 2015, 07:49:56 AM

I considered myself straight for a long time, but its really come to the point where I can't deny that I'm attracted to guys. Its not like I cant appreciate a beautiful woman, I just like guys too. I think I'm more bisexual that outright gay. I know you guys wont be too harsh, but I would appreciate a bit of support. I'm still not sure how to tell my family.

Munch · September 20, 2015, 08:06:13 AM

The first thing to do, is not create a negative view of your sexuality by using an abrasive word like calling yourself queer, since its usually more of a negative then a positive.

Second, you just have to learn to accept the fact that sexuality isn't black and white, just because society tries to make limited camps for everyone doesn't mean you belong to just one type. Sexuality is a unique and fingerprints, you have your own, and your body tells you what you find attractive. so instead of trying to conform to what others, like your parents, want it to be in a limited set of rules, just go with what feels right to you.

_Xenu_ · September 20, 2015, 08:10:15 AM

I didnt mean anything negative by using the word queer. I am a queer. To me its just kind of a generic term that means non-hetero. Sorry if I offended you...

TomFoolery · September 20, 2015, 08:34:44 AM

Quote from: _Xenu_ on September 20, 2015, 08:10:15 AM
I didnt mean anything negative by using the word queer. I am a queer. To me its just kind of a generic term that means non-hetero. Sorry if I offended you...

It's a word that's been considered a pejorative for a long time, but as of late it's been sort of reclaimed by some in the LGBT community as a means of identification. It can still be a bit divisive though.

Since it seems you've just sort of discovering this for yourself, maybe there doesn't have to be a huge rush to tell your family. There's nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual. I'm not aware of any LGBT manual that explains the steps in a rigid way like:
Step 1: Discover your homosexuality
Step 2: Tell the world
Step 3: Enter a homosexual relationship
I know people firsthand who have done them out of order and came out just fine for it. I think it's important that you feel comfortable in your own skin. In a way, I sense that you aren't, because you hope "we won't be too harsh." Knowing the general vibe of this community, I can't imagine anyone would be harsh on you based on your sexuality. There are gay and bisexual members on this forum, and I've not seen anyone treat them harshly for it.

Munch · September 20, 2015, 08:59:36 AM

Quote from: _Xenu_ on September 20, 2015, 08:10:15 AM
I didnt mean anything negative by using the word queer. I am a queer. To me its just kind of a generic term that means non-hetero. Sorry if I offended you...

You didn't offend me dude, just have never really found it an empowering word. Though as a way of shoving it back in someone's face it works. "Omg ur queer lol!" "Yeah, I am queer and fucking loving it"

Solitary · September 20, 2015, 11:01:28 AM

I think it has a lot to do with how horny you get----sex is sex period. Why is it such a big deal who, or what, it is with as long as it is consensual? I experimented when I was very young, and decided I liked girls better, and it was accepted where with boys wasn't. Maybe we are all bisexual and just learn from experience what we prefer or is accepted. It seems the people that protest the most about gays and lesbians are attracted to it and makes them feel uncomfortable because they have been taught it is a sin, wrong, nasty, or taboo when very young.

Hijiri Byakuren · September 20, 2015, 12:11:57 PM

Quote from: Munch on September 20, 2015, 08:06:13 AM
The first thing to do, is not create a negative view of your sexuality by using an abrasive word like calling yourself queer, since its usually more of a negative then a positive.

It's actually a common thing to refer to yourself as, enough that they added it to the end of LGBTQ (though most people still just say LGBT). It just means you don't have a clear sexual preference, but are pretty sure it's not purely heterosexual.

Mermaid · September 20, 2015, 12:25:12 PM

Rock it!

You can tell people when you're ready, there's no rush, right?

Mike Cl · September 20, 2015, 01:37:36 PM

Quote from: _Xenu_ on September 20, 2015, 07:49:56 AM
I considered myself straight for a long time, but its really come to the point where I can't deny that I'm attracted to guys. Its not like I cant appreciate a beautiful woman, I just like guys too. I think I'm more bisexual that outright gay. I know you guys wont be too harsh, but I would appreciate a bit of support. I'm still not sure how to tell my family.

Why do you have to tell your family??

The Skeletal Atheist · September 20, 2015, 02:48:46 PM

You don't have to tell your family until you're ready to do so. I wish I had some concrete advice for you, but for me it was an organic process. I had so readily repressed my sexuality that it was a gradual struggle to discover who I really was. Really the main thing I would have to say is learn to be comfortable with yourself before you decide to come out. Being attracted to guys isn't weird, or anything like that, it's just part of who you are. Come to terms with yourself before you worry about what others will think.

GSOgymrat · September 20, 2015, 03:05:45 PM

Be comfortable with your own sexuality before discussing it with your family. You don't need to pick a label, if your sexuality is fluid just describe your feelings as honestly as you can. Some of your family members may need some hand holding through this process. I know one big concern my parents had was having grandchildren, so you may want to think about that. I hope all goes well!

_Xenu_ · September 20, 2015, 05:18:31 PM

Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on September 20, 2015, 12:11:57 PM
It's actually a common thing to refer to yourself as, enough that they added it to the end of LGBTQ (though most people still just say LGBT). It just means you don't have a clear sexual preference, but are pretty sure it's not purely heterosexual.

Thank you! This is more how it was intended!

_Xenu_ · September 20, 2015, 05:30:59 PM

Quote from: GSOgymrat on September 20, 2015, 03:05:45 PM
Be comfortable with your own sexuality before discussing it with your family. You don't need to pick a label, if your sexuality is fluid just describe your feelings as honestly as you can. Some of your family members may need some hand holding through this process. I know one big concern my parents had was having grandchildren, so you may want to think about that. I hope all goes well!

Im pretty sure they already know they aren't getting any grandkids from me. My discomfort with the toddler set is pretty obvious.

Munch · September 20, 2015, 06:16:26 PM

Quote from: _Xenu_ on September 20, 2015, 05:30:59 PM
Im pretty sure they already know they aren't getting any grandkids from me. My discomfort with the toddler set is pretty obvious.

Your not alone, and being gay doesn't signal that you can't have kids, just that you need to go to more lengths to be a parent. But in my case I just decided kids aren't for me, I find them exhausting, stressful and life changing, and wouldn't want a kid being raised by me because of it.

GSOgymrat · September 20, 2015, 06:34:24 PM

I know several gay couples who have kids. It is definitely an option but I told my partner at the beginning of our relationship kids were a deal breaker. He said cats were never going to happen.

Xenu, where do you live? The culture can make a big difference.

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Realizing that Im Queer