Realizing that Im Queer

[_Xenu_]

I reintroduced male kissing into my family back in the mid 70's. I had no problem with it and I stunned many …many people at the annual "spaghetti dinner" when i kissed my dad, my mom, my brothers right on the lips. OMG! Make no mistake I was still a homophobe at that time, I just didn't buy into the belief that you had to stop kissing your "loves".

You are not that odd. There are many of us odd ones.

Yeah, I'll bet you did shock alot of people doing that. But would I be wrong to say thats actually kind of sweet?

[Munch]

I can't really speak for where you live, but being bi-sexual its often regarded as just another part of the LGBT community, and when around gay guys they just acknowledge part of you is into guys and thats enough. My aunt is bi-sexual, and her husband is trans, on their wedding day he wore the dress and she wore the suit, and had a private ceremony for it with close friends and family.
Fact is, you know what you like and sound fully adapted to it, so thats enough. I know its important having family who accept you for who you are, but even if there is an issue, just stand firm on the fact they are the one with a problem, not you. 

[Mike Cl]

Well, its not like I never talk to them. If I hook up with a guy, its not like they'll never find out or anything. I prefer that happens on my own terms. Having said that, my father is extremely homophobic and he will disown me if he finds out.

Then you have a choice.  Don't take your boyfriend home.  Play act as though he is a sporting buddy, who like to play tennis or some such.  Or tell your dad knowing he will disown you.  Your choice.  At least you know what the choices are.

[_Xenu_]

Yeah I know I'm a pretty weird guy my self, I pick a lot of strange things to talk about.  Oh wait you're using queer to refer to your sexuality, well in that case welcome to the bisexual master race friend :D

Hehehe, sorry I just saw this. Thanks man.. I'm actually driving to Kansas City this weekend to talk to my great-aunt about how to handle the coming out process. My options are admittedly a bit dark, but if anyone can help its her. The bisexual master race? I like that. I'm saving that for my console peasant friends.

[Mr.Obvious]

Good luck in Kansas Xenu. I hope it'll be helpfull, but either way you'll find a way. I won't give you a speech about how things are probably better then they seem, but one of mankind's more admirable traits is the strength to press on anyway even when all options are dark.

P.S. Brain going into overdrive to put in a pun about not being in Kansas anymore Toto, and failing miserably... guessing I'll catch some Z's instead.

[_Xenu_]

P.S. Brain going into overdrive to put in a pun about not being in Kansas anymore Toto, and failing miserably... guessing I'll catch some Z's instead.

I can start you out. Its going to have something to do with being somewhere over the rainbow. And its likely to include many friends of Dorothy.

In all seriousness though, this is a pretty major shift in how I see myself. Its comparable to figuring out that the god thing was bullshit, and realizing that I really liked computers; the latter actually lead to the career I have now. This is an enormous change in how I interact with the world and I will probably spend the next few years adjusting to it.

[aitm]

Yeah, I'll bet you did shock alot of people doing that. But would I be wrong to say thats actually kind of sweet?

I opened the box. My brothers willingly accepted and adopted the practice, my father loved his sons giving him kisses, it was a win win.

[Baruch]

Didn't have a son.  But I would accept any child of mine as gay or straight.  But us men, have a problem with showing tenderness.  As do some hard ass women ;-(  Tenderness isn't gay.

[Brian37]

I considered myself straight for a long time, but its really come to the point where I can't deny that I'm attracted to guys. Its not like I cant appreciate a beautiful woman, I just like guys too. I think I'm more bisexual that outright gay. I know you guys wont be too harsh, but I would appreciate a bit of support. I'm still not sure how to tell my family.

Nobody sane should be harsh on you. Only bigots and fundies would care. As far as your family only you really know them. If you are out of the house it will be easier on you, because you can get some distance in cause the conversation doesn't go as well as you'd like. Not saying tell them or don't tell them, only you can determine who when or if.

I will say this, even with the issue of telling someone you are atheist, even if you do tell them, let them know you still love them, give them their distance and time, and if they are simply upset but still want you in their lives, then keep showing them you are the same person. But just remember you are not there to be anybody's doormat, not even family. But if they go beyond simply being upset concerned and get verbally abusive or doomsdayish, you don't need that negativity in your life.

[_Xenu_]

Well, I'm back from Kansas City and out to three relatives now. It went smoothly, but I knew this part would, which is why I chose them. My sister halfway across the country is probably next. Coming out is a process worthy of Sun Tzu, always having to choose your allies very carefully so those allies will help you with those who will be most hostile.

I know this probably seems a bit paranoid, but there's alot at stake here. This whole process is a delicate thing and if it goes wrong I could find myself disowned by part of my family.