How do you deal with religious relatives?

[Rob4you]

Hello everybody, it's been a while, I've been very busy, but now I'm here again.

Ok, the thing is that some relatives of my mother are coming to visit us in Costa Rica, they have lived in U.S.A. for many many years, in fact some of them were born there, anyway, it seems that they're really religious freaks (protestant christians) from what I've heard so far, (I REALLY REALLY hope that they're not fundies, that would be really uncomfortable...  :shock: )

I've met very religious relatives (from Costa Rica though) and it hasn't been so bad, but I always hated "the questions" and how they seemed to want to push you towards adopting their beliefs system, and the majority of them have been catholics, and some protestants here and there.

And I know that there can be religious freaks in any part of the world, but I'm a bit worried about those from the U.S.   :-k
So I was wondering what should I do, and I'd like a bit of advice from you guys.

P.S.
Some of them come from New York, so I suppose I shouldn't be too worried about those...  

[Mermaid]

It's a good opportunity to be evasive, change the subject and avoid whatever you don't want to talk about. It's a handy skill to develop.

Hi. I am a glass half full kind of person.  :)

[mykcob4]

Hello everybody, it's been a while, I've been very busy, but now I'm here again.

Ok, the thing is that some relatives of my mother are coming to visit us in Costa Rica, they have lived in U.S.A. for many many years, in fact some of them were born there, anyway, it seems that they're really religious freaks (protestant christians) from what I've heard so far, (I REALLY REALLY hope that they're not fundies, that would be really uncomfortable...  :shock: )

I've met very religious relatives (from Costa Rica though) and it hasn't been so bad, but I always hated "the questions" and how they seemed to want to push you towards adopting their beliefs system, and the majority of them have been catholics, and some protestants here and there.

And I know that there can be religious freaks in any part of the world, but I'm a bit worried about those from the U.S.   :-k
So I was wondering what should I do, and I'd like a bit of advice from you guys.

P.S.
Some of them come from New York, so I suppose I shouldn't be too worried about those...  

You SHOULD be worried USA fundies are dangerous and intollerant. My advice is not to bring the subjevt up, but if it does come up ask them, no tell them to respect your views and that you will respect theirs, but you prefer NOT to talk about religion in YOUR HOME!

[mykcob4]

Hello everybody, it's been a while, I've been very busy, but now I'm here again.

Ok, the thing is that some relatives of my mother are coming to visit us in Costa Rica, they have lived in U.S.A. for many many years, in fact some of them were born there, anyway, it seems that they're really religious freaks (protestant christians) from what I've heard so far, (I REALLY REALLY hope that they're not fundies, that would be really uncomfortable...  :shock: )

I've met very religious relatives (from Costa Rica though) and it hasn't been so bad, but I always hated "the questions" and how they seemed to want to push you towards adopting their beliefs system, and the majority of them have been catholics, and some protestants here and there.

And I know that there can be religious freaks in any part of the world, but I'm a bit worried about those from the U.S.   :-k
So I was wondering what should I do, and I'd like a bit of advice from you guys.

P.S.
Some of them come from New York, so I suppose I shouldn't be too worried about those...  

[Youssuf Ramadan]

You could go down the 'a person's beliefs are their own private business' road if you prefer to avoid confrontation.  Failing that, an axe.  

[Mermaid]

That is my go-to, Youssuf. I have said things like "I have always looked at this as an intensely private topic, I really prefer not to talk about it".

[Atheon]

Or you could go the "I'm not religious" route.

[Solitary]

Why does an atheistic belief have to be private while theistic beliefs can be public? Tell them your an atheist and that you don't want to discuss the matter if it is brought up.  8-)  Solitary

[Jason78]

Why does an atheistic belief have to be private while theistic beliefs can be public?

Because atheism is a lack of belief.  I think that religious people are frightened by someone that doesn't have a religious belief because they don't understand it.

[Colanth]

I think that religious people are frightened by someone that doesn't have a religious belief because they don't understand it.

They can't even hold the concept in their minds.  If the species had no eyes and you could see, they couldn't hold the concept of sight.  Like that.  It doesn't frighten them, it terrifies them.  So much that they make up things like "you really believe, but you refuse to admit it", rather than actually think about what it means.

Rob, learn one word - "uh-huh".  Nod a lot.

Oh, and the ones from NYC can be particularly bad.  I say this as someone who grew up there.  You'd think that, since - on the street - no one seems to care about religion, anyone growing up in NYC doesn't care about it.  Not true.  Some NYC fundies are as bad as fundamentalism can get - just not in public.

[Youssuf Ramadan]

Or you could go the "I'm not religious" route.

The trouble is that an admission of atheistic tendencies, or other statement of non-religiosity will generally lead to the religious nut in question to try and convert you or at least start some retarded conversation full of hackneyed rent-a-quotes about God etc.  That's fine if you relish the prospect of delivering a good, old-fashioned logical ass-kicking to the poor boob, but I'm guessing the OP is heading more towards the path of least resistance....  :-k

[Mermaid]

Why does an atheistic belief have to be private while theistic beliefs can be public? Tell them your an atheist and that you don't want to discuss the matter if it is brought up.  8-)  Solitary

It doesn't have to be. It's just not worth the hassle. I don't want to discuss it with anyone. If you do, more power to you. I just don't see any value in talking about my lack of religious beliefs any more than I'd see value talking about my political proclivities.

[WitchSabrina]

Why does an atheistic belief have to be private while theistic beliefs can be public? Tell them your an atheist and that you don't want to discuss the matter if it is brought up.  8-)  Solitary

It doesn't have to be. It's just not worth the hassle. I don't want to discuss it with anyone. If you do, more power to you. I just don't see any value in talking about my lack of religious beliefs any more than I'd see value talking about my political proclivities.

I agree Mermaid.  When religious differences have been breached it only leads to distress and discord.  Families tend to have enough to deal with as far as I can see.

[Brian37]

We cant tell you how to deal with your relatives. Why would we? Only you know them and can gauge them better because you know them.

I have religious family members. Only one I have refused to have contact with, and not because he is religious.

I don't disown people merely because they may hold beliefs I find bat shit insane. But, I have cut off relationships, because that person, as an individual sucked the life out of me. Cutting someone out of your life is more about your own personal sanity and emotional stability than it is any subject that might divide you.

No matter the topic, money, politics, religion, or even personality. Healthy relationships are never all or nothing. It isn't about throwing yourself at them, that will simply make you a doormat. Nor is it them conforming to you.

In any situation that conflict happens over whatever subject, it is always cost benefit and comfort. What are you willing to accept without giving up your own autonomy and what are they willing to accept about you.

Life isn't a script so there is never a simple answer or blanket solution. My best advice for you is to know yourself and be yourself. Don't expect others to change for you, but don't change so much for other you simply live a lie to placate them.

[Cyanne]

I've struggled with conflicting desires both to hide my nonbelief and to blatantly expose it to my Christian family. A while back I remember asking my brother who is an atheist what he did when he was at an event where the hosts or whoever said "let's hold hands and pray" and he told me well who cares if you pretend to just to go along with it. "If people want to believe you are a Christian then let them." I'm not sure I would bow my head and pretend to pray but when he said that I realized that I didn't have to be making a big deal out of things like that. As of right now the rest of my family thinks, due to some vague thoughts that I posted on Facebook, that I still believe in God but am having doubts. No one has actually asked me! My sister invited me to the Creation Museum the other day and expressed hope that it would answer some of my questions! I thought of saying to her what I thought of the Creation Museum, but decided it might ruin her day :P and replied simply "sounds cool"

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we don't really need to go around debating or explaining ourselves to everyone.  If people insist on being jerks about it, well why should you really care all that much. There's no need to even engage in any conversation about religion at all. They can ask the questions all they want, you can just politely decline to answer them. Say you just don't feel like talking about that.

Of course it could depend on their attitudes.  I bet you would be able to tell if they are genuinely interested in hearing your pov or if they're just trying to start a conversion conversation. I would probably talk to people if I felt that they were actually interested.