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Replace Bible Character With "Florida Man"

Started by Blackleaf, May 17, 2023, 01:32:18 PM

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Blackleaf

May 17, 2023, 01:32:18 PM
I saw this on Reddit. I won't credit them, because they got it from someone else, and they don't remember who. But this is a simple idea. Take a Bible character's story, but replace their name with "Florida Man" or "Florida Woman."

Examples:

"Florida Man threatens to cut baby in half to stop women from bickering."

"Florida Man kills wife's family. Claims wife gave them answer to riddle."

"Engaged Florida Woman claims to be pregnant with God's baby."

"Florida Man offers daughters to satiate rape gang."

"Florida Woman salty she was forced to leave home city due to freak fire."
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville--

Mr.Obvious

#1
May 17, 2023, 02:57:07 PM
Florida man sets bears on children.
Florida man: ´never call me bald´.

Florida couple befriends snake, proceed to steal fruit from orchard whilst naked, on it's instructions

Florida man claims to be god.

"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, requesting 69.

Atheist Mantis does not pray.

Gawdzilla Sama

#2
May 17, 2023, 04:33:48 PM
Florida Man cockolds Joseph.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Mr.Obvious

#3
September 04, 2024, 04:15:48 PM
Florida man wrecks entire temple after a bad haircut.
"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, requesting 69.

Atheist Mantis does not pray.

Gawdzilla Sama

#4
September 04, 2024, 04:24:08 PM
Florida man attacks boat people on Mt. Ararat.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Unbeliever

#5
September 04, 2024, 05:15:52 PM
Florida man has sex with both daughters!
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Gawdzilla Sama

#6
September 04, 2024, 05:32:31 PM
[The Family Corner] Florida Man offers "virgin" daughters to mob seeking to kill angels. 'Cause, you know, angels don't like getting killed and shit.

[Food and Family Section] Lot's wife (Yeah, she has a name but who cares) talks about low sodium diets.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Blackleaf

#7
September 04, 2024, 11:58:24 PM
Florida Man tells sky he will do human sacrifice if he wins fight. Kills own daughter to keep his word.
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville--

Gawdzilla Sama

#8
September 05, 2024, 08:34:33 AM
Florida wife snickers and says quietly "That kid wasn't yours."
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Mr.Obvious

#9
September 05, 2024, 10:56:03 AM
Florida Man given explicit rules by god on how to be good, smashes them before even fully getting down the mountain.
"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, requesting 69.

Atheist Mantis does not pray.

Blackleaf

#10
September 12, 2024, 10:45:45 PM
"Florida Man offers daughters to satiate rape gang (again)."

"Naked Florida couple steal fruit from garden. Claim snake told them to do it."

"Florida Man works 7 years in exchange for woman's hand. Tricked into marrying old sister instead."
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville--

Gawdzilla Sama

#11
September 13, 2024, 03:17:23 PM
Florida Man crosses Sinai Desert in only forty years. New Record for lost MOFOs.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers
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