the other jokes

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Back when I was a Scrabble player, I read the dictionary, like you did, over and over. I, though, was mostly interested in the 2-letter words, because they were very useful.

True, but the four-letter words were the most fun. ♥

[Nobody]

I also liked the very obscure words, because people would challenge my words and lose every time! Words like Brobdignagian, although I don't think I ever got the chance to use that particular word. 🤣

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Try "Phlogiston" for your back-up list.

[Nobody]

Yeah, Levoisier put that one to rest.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I also liked the very obscure words, because people would challenge my words and lose every time! Words like Brobdingnagian, although I don't think I ever got the chance to use that particular word. 🤣

FTFY.

T.rump's budget for personal aims is Brobdingnagian.

[Nobody]

Trump's ego is mega-Brobdingnagian!

[Cassia]

- I told my wife I want to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

- My girlfriend left me when she found out I only have nine toes. She's lack-toes intolerant.

- I made a graph of all my past relationships. There was an "ex" axis, and a "why" axis.

- I finished my book on babies. But next time, I'm just going to use a table.

- I accidentally drank holy water and laxatives. I'm about to start a religious movement.

[Nobody]

I have to use albuterol, so I call the dispenser Vlad the Inhaler.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I have to use albuterol, so I call the dispenser Vlad the Inhaler.

My wife asks "Have you hit the gas chamber this morning?" (Vaporizer ampules here. Once a day is enough.)

[Nobody]

Why don't Southern Baptists have sex standing up?

Because people might think they're dancing.

[aitm]

Fishing with baptists rule.
If you go fishing with baptists always take two. If you take one, he will drink all your beer, if you take two they won't drink any.

[Hydra009]

Me in The Walking Dead:

"Hey guys, glad we all made it out of Atlanta together.  Can't wait to go someplace nice like Fort Benning.  Next to two rivers, so plenty of freshwater and very defensible.  I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to go anywhere else, right guys?"

"Okay, I secured C block, like Rick said, but I have a casualty to report.  Papercut."  *winces in pain*  "Ouch!  Can you imagine going through this kind of pain?"  *Hershel and Merle look at me, dumbfounded*  "Oooh!  This is going to smart tomorrow!"

"Hey Darryl, have you seen my phone?  It's boring out here and I want to play some games!"  *the group looks at me like I've gone crazy*  "By phone, I mean solar-powered calculator, duh."  *Darryl tosses it to me*  *With my tongue hanging out and also lightly biting my tongue, I press on the buttons, excitedly showing Darryl the result*  "8008135!  That means--" *Darryl scrunches up his face*  *I press more buttons*  "Now look.  42069 Blazeit!"  *Darryl shakes his head and leaves*

*I stumble upon an old rotary phone*
*picks it up and talks to it, asking if they have any Grey Poupon before doing the Waaasssup skit*
"Look at me, Rick.  I'm a crazy person!"
*Rick looks horrified*
"I dunno what his problem is, that was hilarious!"

*Governor attacks*
*I pick up a gun and try to provide covering fire, often pointing the gun high in the air due to nearly completely uncontrolled recoil, almost pointing it at myself a couple of times*
*Governor retreats*
"Woot!  Great job, guys!  I was this close to shooting him myself.  Darryl helped, I guess.  *Darryl stands over the bodies of like 10 guys*  "It was mostly me, though.  I'm a badass."
*I look into the distance and see that the governor and a lot of his troops are still alive, possibly regrouping for a new attack*
"Get ready, guys.  They're regrouping!  He's going to come back any second and give us a hell of a fight!"
*Governor mows down all his men*
"Or...maybe not" *I shrug*

*The group nearly dies from another Governor attack and then a zombie attack immediately afterwards and morale hits an all time low*
*I decide to lift the spirits of the group with a rousing speech*
"I know things look bad right now, but just take a second and zoom out.  No international wars, no pollution.  *camera pans to a rusted drum of oil slowly leaking into the river*  Not as much pollution.  Global warming will probably solve itself before long."  *Merle shouts that there's no such thing as global warming*  "Climate change.  I stand corrected.  Many merci Merle, my meringue main man."  *Merle facepalms*

*Eugene asks me if I played as the Alliance or the Horde*
"Horde 4 lfye, dawg!  You went Ally?  And a gnome?!  LOOOSER!" *makes an L hand gesture on my forehead*
*Eugene stops talking to me*

*a flu goes around and Glenn asks me to tend to the sick*
"Isn't this the disease where you get a really bad nosebleed and then suffocate?"
*Glenn says that it mutated, now it's the back, too*
"I just remembered, I left my CGI deer on in the microwave back in North Carolina.  See you guys later.  Good luck with the ummm..."  *sprints out of the prison*
*sees Carol outside, runs towards her while waving*
*sees Carol drag out two bodies and set them on fire*
"Oh hell no!"  *keeps running into the wilderness*

*after a long, winding journey, I make it to Oceanside*
*the women there hold me at gunpoint and spearpoint*
"Only women are allowed in?"  *tries his girl voice for the first time, unsuccessfully*  *I ask them to let me try again, but my voice comes out unusually deep and bassy, like Darth Vader and James Earl Jones combined*  *tries the girl voice again and again, also unsuccessfully*
*the women roll their eyes and withdraw their weapons*
"You're letting me in because you finally recognize my divine feminine?  No?  Oh, because you think I'm not a threat?  Meh, I'll take it."  *after some time has passed, I make a "Yes!" gesture*

---Happy End---

[Nobody]

I got a buddy who's allergic to nuts, so every time he scratches his crotch he breaks out in hives.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I got a buddy who's allergic to nuts, so every time he scratches his crotch he breaks out in hives.

He should either wash his  hands or get somebody else to scratch the scrot.