Masturbation Causes Pregnant Hands In The Afterlife

[stromboli]

http://www.hindustantimes.com/world/masturbation-causes-pregnant-hands-in-afterlife-turkish-preacher/story-s1FgRLfB1ZGnY3NvUEnmaO.html

An Islamic televangelist from Turkey has created a storm on social media by claiming that any man who masturbates will find his hands “pregnant in the afterlife” and asking for their “rights”.
Istanbul-based televangelist Mücahid Cihad Han, who is active on Twitter and has his own channel on YouTube, made the remarks on May 24 while answering questions from viewers on the 2000 TV channel.

Han initially looked puzzled when a viewer said he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah”, a pilgrimage to Mecca that can be undertaken by Muslims at any time of the year, unlike the Haj which is performed in the last month of the Islamic calendar.
The televangelist claimed Islam strictly prohibited masturbation as it was a “haram” (forbidden) act, the Hurriyet Daily News reported.

“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over (their) rights,” he said, referring to what he claimed was a saying of Prophet Mohammed.
“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” Han said, advising the viewer to “resist Satan’s temptations”.
Han subsequently tweeted that masturbation was “haram” and quoted a hadith to back up his claim.
“Istimna”, the Arabic term for masturbation that Han referred to, is a controversial issue in Islam because there have been varying opinions on its permissibility throughout history. The Quran has no clear reference to masturbation and the authenticity of some hadiths has been questioned by experts.
Despite Han’s assertive stance, only a limited number of Islamic interpretations categorise masturbation as “haram” while most others describe it as a “makruh” (disliked) act, the Hurriyet Daily News reported.

Many mainstream Islamic interpretations even allow it in certain conditions, like if the act could be used to avoid the temptation of an extramarital affair, the report added.
Han, who has more than 12,000 followers on Twitter, was mocked on Turkish social media after newspapers published his television “fatwa”.
“Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?” one Twitter user asked.
“So you think that being pregnant is a God-given punishment?” another user asked.

So..... marry your first cousin and have inbred children OK. Jerking off not OK.



Now if his daddy had only jerked off.......

[Valigarmander]

That's why you should always wear a condom when masturbating.

[Draconic Aiur]

how can a hand literally get pregnant?

[pr126]

With Allah, everything is possible.

[Baruch]

how can a hand literally get pregnant?

Metaphor going back to Paul of Tarsus and Socrates.  The body parts are analogized as different parts of the State (Socrates), or are anthropomorphized as different parts of the religious community (Paul).  But not to be taken literally.

Also depending on the collection referred to, some Hadith are very dicey.

This shows that Third World televangelists are ... interesting comparisons to our First World televangelists ;-)

The televangelist must be speaking from experience ... since the old story that masturbation makes you blind ... must be true, except blindness is intellectual not literal.

[drunkenshoe]

[stromboli]

Could have been a Loretta Lynn lament:

Pregnant hands- when I see you I'm so ashamed
pregnant hands- though I know deep down that I'm to blame

I should have made you happy as a blushing bride
But when I saw your appendage, I felt so cold inside

When I was in the shower, I know I heard you moan
I saw your hands all swollen, I felt so all alone

pregnant hands

[drunkenshoe]

moves wet in n' out

slick, slack, snug

tired waiting hands

:pp

I have no idea what I just wrote.

[stromboli]

moves wet in n' out

slick, slack, snug

tired waiting hands

:pp

I have no idea what I just wrote.

Did you get started on the New Years celebration a little early?

[Sargon The Grape]

I guess my hands are going to be Godzilla sized in the afterlife.


Secretly a Warsie.

[Mr.Obvious]

You have to hand it to the guy.
Or Well, he can do that for himself for all i care.

[The Skeletal Atheist]

That's why you should always wear a condom when masturbating.

Easy cleanup as well.

[stromboli]

Easy cleanup as well.

I learn so much on this forum.....

[josephpalazzo]

I learn so much on this forum.....

Yep, like anime is cartoon... oh wait, that wasn't you... ai...whatchitmecall...

[stromboli]

Yep, like anime is cartoon... oh wait, that wasn't you... ai...whatchitmecall...

Yup, we both have too much time on our hands.