Hi there: I hope yall like reading!

[Bluewind]

Sit back and relax, because if anything, I'm long winded ;)

Hello to all! My nickname is J, but Bluewind is fine. My username which I have used for years is a nod to one if my favorite paintings (Starry Night). I'm female and from the southern US, but not just any state. Oh no. I had to be from one of the 7 states who still have constitutions that require belief in God to take office.

Here's an example of the conversations I have had to deal with. A couple months back I got harassed at my vet's office by a complete stranger badgering me to go to church for over an hour while my dog was in emergency surgery. Mind you, I was still deeply in the unbeliever closet at the time, so all she knew was this woman she just met with a badly injured dog doesn't have a church! And of course saving a soul and preaching to people took president over common decency and the target's polite request to stop. Now imagine having to deal with your own personal stalker popping up and badgering you at least twice a year, getting approached by people wanting to talk to you about their faith at least every other month while out shopping (signs stopped them from coming in my yard at all hours), people bugging you to buy crosses and such to help a church when you go in stores (especially during holidays), somebody who wants to pray for you at least once a week, and somebody saying something Christian related to you every time you go to town and you have my town!

I have personally read the entire Bible (although it's been a LONG time), was raised Baptist, and went to church way more in my youth than most because my grandmother (called Mamaw in the south) was a member of a popular gospel group. The irony? I was arguing with the preacher, my Sunday School teacher, and everybody else about logic flaws in Christianity since I was a child! A child mind you who had yet to go to kindergarten (this was before preschool was so popular), had no access to the internet because it wasn't that popular yet (I was a teen before I got online the first time), had very limited access to tv, and had no clue about other religions or Atheism other than the occasional mention of non-believers by a preacher or the training Sunday School teachers tried to drill in us of what to say if someone said something that went against Christianity (like if a teacher talked about the big bang, you continue to ask what caused that until they run out of answers and then say God did). And there I would be, a 4 year old arguing with a pastor - a well respected adult - about how it didn't make sense. At 5. At 6. At 7. I questioned, I argued, and I posed logical queries. I remember one preacher patted me on the head and told me I had to read the bible. I doubt he though someone who had yet to hit puberty would then sit down and read the whole thing cover to cover and come back a month or two later with even MORE questions. Hell, most people who have been Christians their entire lives haven't done it. I was an Agnostic Atheist before I even knew what those words were.

Mamaw was actually religiously tolerant and a very kind and giving woman who built a picnic table in her front yard way back when she was a newlywed so she could feed the hobos and homeless out of her own pocket (she was working full time back then). She was just a good person who laughed at me drilling the poor people at church. She always tried her best to answer my questions, but was never afraid to say she didn't know and would try to find the answers for me. I think she is the reason I am so open minded even now.

Then, when I was a preteen my mother got tired of me embarrassing her. I was taken to a place with a preacher who would "fix" me. I came out a mess and afraid that a bad thought would send me to hell, listening to music other than classical gospel (even by accident) would send me to hell, arguing with my parents would send me to hell (I later found out my dad was a closet atheist btw), questioning God or the Bible in any way would send me to hell, and on and on and on. Even though a lot of the nonsense internal dialog eventually went away, a lot of it stayed. Enough that my mother abused, starved, and neglected me for years while I stayed quiet and obedient. I prayed for death because suicide was a sin, but I didn't tell anyone what was going on - not even my father.

I quit believing in God again in my late teens, but I hid it for over a decade for fear of how people would react and treat me. I knew how everyone was trained to treat us in my very Christian community. Case in point, I came out as bisexual 6 years before I came out as an atheist because of how people act... including my sister. My sister who still doesn't know I'm bi or an atheist.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when the man I had loved and been 100% faithful to for 7 years left me for a 21 year old he had been seeing a while (I was clueless) right before my 30 birthday. Without him, there was nobody left I was truly afraid of judging me, so I quit outright hiding and told my dad. It felt like when I came out as bi, only so much better because I wasn't just hiding and lying about half of myself, but all of myself. I had no idea how much of a weight I had been carrying. It was freeing. I told my ex too when I was still trying to stay friends (which was a mistake).

It took me months to outright call myself an atheist because of the connotations; I simply said I wasn't a Christian. My ex in the meantime texted me how he and his girlfriend were praying for me, snuck over a dozen Christian booklets in with my stuff, and has said some really hurtful stuff that I'm not repeating here. The irony wasn't lost on me, but it is what it is. It's been a year and I still have to fight him to make payments toward my land he's living on (which is the only reason he's not blocked).

I've told my dad (who is a closet atheist) as well as my nephew and 2 friends. Nobody else here knows. If it was up to me, I would have a tshirt made that said
"I'm a good person
I'm an atheist
I have mace"
but I keep the truth close to the vest because of where I am and how people are. I'm not ashamed of who I am by any means and I know it's only a matter of time before I can't hide myself anymore (I mean, we've already established I'm a blabber mouth ;) ). I'm even trying to make my own necklace charm with the atheist symbol that looks like an @ .

As a side note, there are so many type of atheist and agnostic that it confuses me a bit, so I would appreciate some help labeling myself. I don't think I will ever become an anti-theist because I know religion plays an important part in a lot of people's lives and as long as it doesn't influence the government, doesn't effect the schools, isn't allowed to be used as an excuse for bigotry, and isn't shoved down my throat like reverse bulimia, I'm fine with it. I also don't think I will ever be a hard atheist because I believe in science too much to say 100% that no diety exists while a small chance exists, so I believe I would be categorized as a de facto atheist which say 99% (under the spectrum of theistic probability). It's also why I think I'm an Agnostic as I don't believe we can ever know scientifically for sure what exists outside space and time as we currently reside in space and time. Even if there is a creator out there, it has no interaction with us directly (like we were created in a petri dish for a science project or we are a micro universe on somebody's gym sock) and we can never know for certain.

Edit for random note: My favorite atheist YouTube creator is darkmatter2525. My favorite non atheist YouTube creator is MatPat from Game Theory.

[Mr.Obvious]

Welcome to our little band of heathens, j.
I'd say agnostic atheist, btw.

[Bluewind]

Welcome to our little band of heathens, j.
I'd say agnostic atheist, btw.

Awww. Thank you! Also, I can't believe you read my whole post! That makes me smile. ^_^

I think the main reason I joined is because I'm starting to get one my one and only atheist friend's nerves with all the questions! I never change ;)

[AllRight]

Boy can I relate to your story although where I am at in Ohio is not as zealous as where you are I pretty much get it in my face everyday and am in the closet because I fear my job would be threatened if the people I work with knew I was an atheist so I just go with "non-religious".  As far as labeling yourself I really wouldn't worry about that.  I too had a hard time calling myself an atheist until just recently...got some cool jewelry myself off etsy ;-) Anyway I would also likely be shunned by family members if they knew the full extent I have given up my faith.  Hang in there and WELCOME! P.S.  You might like "the Friendly Atheist" on YouTube if you haven't checked him out yet. 

[Baruch]

Welcome also.  Don't apologize for your intro ... many fail to make a serious intro, or any intro at all.  Lurk as you need .. and maybe someday contribute to the conversations.

[Solomon Zorn]

Welcome. Very interesting story. Thanks for sharing.

[SGOS]

Welcome.

[PopeyesPappy]

Welcome from the heart of the Babel belt.

[aitm]

Greetings and welcome. Don't worry what you label yourself. In time we will fix that.
ha..................ha-ha  HAHAHAHA     HAHAHAHAHA



er.......never mind.

[Mike Cl]

Welcome.  I too, lived in one of those states--Alabama.  The best thing about Alabama was leaving it.   But my story is not as harrowing as yours--hope you can get to a place where you can be open about your thoughts.  And welcome to this little place in the universe.

[PickelledEggs]

I like that
"I'm a good person
I'm am atheist.
I have mace "
Lol
Welcome to the forum

-Sent from your mom

[gentle_dissident]

I don't believe we can ever know scientifically for sure what exists outside space and time as we currently reside in space and time.

I imagine compelling arguments in a separate reality would be different. That's what makes fantasy fiction so easy to get along with.

I'm glad to see you here and glad to read your story.

[Mike Cl]

That's what makes fantasy fiction so easy to get along with.

That's what makes the bible such an 'interesting' read--fantasy fiction of the darkest sort; rivals Stephen King and Poe.  That's why I like science fiction; at least SF has a slight chance of being accurate.

[Bluewind]

Oh my goodness... This is so very sweet! So many wonderful comments. It really hits me right in the feels to pour out my heart and have my feelings appreciated by so many and not mocked for it. Thank you ^_^

@ All Right
I'm sorry you have had such a hard time. And I love labels! I have OCD which is part of the reason why I want an exact thing to call myself ;)

I LOVE Etsy! They have some great stuff. Have you seen the necklaces by Electric Chair Jesus? I want to eventually get one :D

I have not heard of Friendly Atheist. I'll check it out sometime :)

@ Baruch
Thank you for understanding. It is a serious subject after all. We are still treated like those in the LGBT+ community were 40 years ago and studies on how we are perceived is an exercise in insanity. There is a reason so many stay hidden after all and a reason why I hid my true self for so long. I can only hope that by showing others that we are good people, we can change attitudes just as they did.

@ Solomon Zorn
And thank YOU for reading :)

@ SGOS
to the jungle! :P
(Yup. I really am that random ;) )

@ PopeyesPappy
A pleasure. If I may ask, how open are you where you are? How do people react?

@aitm
YEA LABELS!!! I'm a bisexual (maybe polysexual) agnostic de-facto-atheist animal loving cis female with OCD and a dairy allergy ;)

@Mike Cl
Thank you. I don't really see my experience as harrowing though. Lots of people have had it far worse. I bet you are a better person than my ex who moved here from Alabama ;)

@PickelledEggs
Thanks! The minute I'm out I'm making that tshirt. It needs to exist :)

@gentle_dissident
Thank you and I imagine they would! I love reading myself when I get the chance. Dystopians and science fiction are my go to genres as I love how they create new worlds or concepts. My favorite childhood book is Where the Red Fern Grows. My favorite as an adult is Memoirs of a Geisha.

@Mike Cl (again)
Lol! Well that got dark quick. XD

Update: I told 2 more friends today. They were cool with it. One is a non practicing Catholic and the other is a closet Pagan ^_^

Also, I just now realized that none of my friends are practicing Christians. XD

Random facts: My favorite band is Coldplay, but I like a variety of stuff and have stacks of actual CDs because I'm weird like that. I'm currently listening to Bound for the Floor on the radio (and would sing along if dad wasn't in bed). I normally don't like really repetitive songs, but I love the music with it and the limited words involved with it. Dad and I have a garden that is about 1/2 to 3/4 acre big and has a huge variety of stuff planted. I have 2 dogs (minpin Sugar and rat terrier Missy) and a 2 year old female Albino Sand Boa (Lily) who actually enjoys being held and petted. Currently out on my entertainment system is a Big Bang Theory box set, Avatar, Skyrim (PS3), The Last of Us (PS3), The Sims 3 Pets (PS3), and a stuffed purple platypus. TV wise, I like iZombie, Lucifer, Big Bang Theory, Archer, Doctor Who (I have to buy box sets for it), and Flash to name a few. My favorite soda is Peach Crush although it's a rare treat as I normally drink water. My favorite color is blue (duh) but I also like purple and green. I think high heals were created as foot torture devises and don't wear them as I prefer my ankles untwisted. I have OCD, but I hate cleaning. I have a pretty good dad, my sister is a good person (if a bit too Christian at times), I haven't seen my mother since a little before my 19th birthday (long story), and Mamaw passed away 2 years ago from a stroke and I miss her every day.

Questions: What symbol do yall think would best represent someone like me without insulting Christianity?
Edit: I would like a symbol for my beliefs that I can paint on a necklace charm.

[Hydra009]

Questions: What symbol do yall think would best represent someone like me without insulting Christianity?