Angry Atheist

[higgsboson]

I have recently "de-converted" from christianity and am extremely depressed and angry. I can't seem to be able to discuss why I disbelieve without a flame war ensuing with me throwing around words like "genocidal maniac god". I am in college and cannot tell my parents or they will not cosign my loan and I will have to drop out of school  and be forced to live with them while attending a christian college (or be on my own without a steady income source and I'll probably have to start from scratch again). Just looking for someone out there that could give me some advice or share their experiences if from a similar situation.

However I do realize I have it easy and have nothing to be angry about it nevertheless I am still illogically angered that I have spent the majority of my life talking to myself and believing in a scam. 

[TomFoolery]

Hello, and welcome, both to these forums, and to free Sunday mornings.

I questioned my faith for a long time. It came on sort of slowly in my early teens and then for a long time I was convinced I was agnostic. God or no God, it was a question I just kept putting off. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I finally had a real awakening and realized that I wanted to believe in God, but wanting and doing aren't the same thing. I was lucky in that I wasn't really dependent on anyone financially but it wasn't something I felt compelled to come out and announce either. Some members of my family are pretty religious, and it was Facebook of all things that finally "outed" me. I've been pretty unapologetically, openly atheist for a little less than a year now and it's pretty nice.

How much longer do you have in college? Is it worth keeping your mouth shut for that long? Unless my parents were making me go to church 3 times a day and using religion to control every aspect of my life from who I dated to when I went out, I'd probably just go with it until I didn't have to anymore.

[PickelledEggs]

Think of it this way:
You now have that much more of an understanding of how a believing mind works ;)

Anyway, welcome to the forum. I'm sure you will find a bunch of people with similar stories as that and be able to relate a bit with.

I'm not really sure why discussions you're having immediately erupt in to a flame war... but I can imagine a big reason is because of the bad place you are in with religion, from how you feel you wasted so much time of your life with it. Eventually, your debating and discussion skills in this topic will refine and you will be able to become more tactful (if that is your goal) or at least you will be able to be able to keep YOUR cool, which makes things a lot easier to discuss these things and debate.

[AllRight]

Welcome! 

I can relate to the anger...I didn't even start to wake up until in my thirties and only now at nearly 44 have I considered myself an atheist for less than a year.  Be glad you woke up young.  I can also relate to the parents thing.  My parents I think suspect my atheism but don't press me on it because they know I've been through a lot and I think they suspect I am "mad at god".  Fine by me... the way I see it I avoid the subject because they are elderly and likely fear their own mortality so I don't think it's so bad to just let them have their beliefs if it helps them cope. 

The anger will subside eventually but there will always be those aspects of religion that make you want to gag... the violence, greed, power, etc.

My advice is keep it to yourself until you are out on your own and self sufficient.  You have to protect yourself- don't be your own worst enemy like I have at times ;-)

I get that you want to be yourself but you are young and once you have that degree you can go out and really kick some butt.  In the mean time find other ways to channel your anger....lots of online resources such as this to vent and exchange ideas.

[Baruch]

We are not obligated to like, let alone love our parents.  You will learn this if you ever become one.  Struggling with the love/hate feelings for a parent extend until either they pass or you do.

You are not obligated to go to school.  You are obligated, in spite of the bad economy, to find some way to support yourself.  This will be true whether you graduate from college or not ... at this time ... or later in life.

[Mr.Obvious]

Can't relate to the problems about outing yourself as an atheist. Guess I was, for lack of a better word, blessed that way.
But a few months after accepting I was an atheist, in my late teens, I also grew more and more angry the less and less I respected religion. Because while I'd come to realize I didn't believe in a God, I at first still felt that religion in and by itself was still a good thing and to be viewed as good dogmatically. Now, a few years later, that anger has cooled down. What I'm trying to say is I know that anger and sense of dissapointment in yourself. You'll learn to live with it, trust me. It gets better.

Anyways, welcome to our little band of heathens Higgs. I'm sure you'll fit in fine.

[Solomon Zorn]

I have recently "de-converted" from christianity and am extremely depressed and angry... I am still illogically angered that I have spent the majority of my life talking to myself and believing in a scam. 

Don't be angry, Angry. You are in the same boat as many here.

I can sympathize about wasting your life on religion, but think of it like PickledEggs said, "You now have that much more of an understanding of how a believing mind works."

I would add, that you also have all the benefits of higher moral appreciation. In other words, you probably try to live by a codification of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others, as you would have others do unto you." Although everybody learns something about reciprocation, just from life, making brotherly love a code to live by is a less instinctive attitude. If you have gained the lessons of compassion, forgiveness and tolerance, that are in some of Jesus teachings, then you have come away with some human wisdom that will only add to your character, in the long run. If he didn't have something worthwhile to say, he wouldn't have such a following. Just learn to weed out the wisdom from the nonsense, and use the wisdom where it applies. You may not believe the mythology any more, but it's part of your culture, and you can never escape it entirely.

As for the parents, keep it to yourself until you're out of school. It's not like their making you go to church three times a week or anything, right? So just keep it quiet for a few years, and things should go smoother, in the long run.

Most of all, don't waste your happy thoughts being angry. Then all you'll have are bad memories.

[Hakurei Reimu]

Higgs boson? Hey, you're the reason I can't travel at the speed of light! Y U DO?!

[Unbeliever]

Welcome to the madhouse!

I named my cat Higgs, after the boson, which had only just been discovered.

I got over my anger long ago, since I realized I had no one to focus my anger on. I strive for serenity and tranquility, and there's no room for anger or hate in either of those.

I hope you too will get over it: why live your only life in such a negative state of mind?

[davesteve]

If you see the light at your age, that's a good thing.
Most go their entire lives without really ever opening their minds to other options.