Did you ever believe in a god?

[The Atheist]

This is a hard question for me to answer. As a sociopath, I have little of what can be called a conscience, nor have I much in the way of feelings. I've never had a fear of death, and I'd have no qualms about murdering or raping or torturing anyone, provided I had something to gain from it and nothing to lose.

So did I ever believe in a god? Well, it's kind of something I can turn on or off when it suits me. I can see "the spiritual" in life if I need to, and other times I can see nothing but reality, if it suits me. At the moment I'm atheist. If I was bored, I might believe in a god long enough to read a crazy passage in the Bible (reading about God slaughtering people is cosmically fascinating when you believe in him), or if I see an advantage to being a priest (like if I was a pedophile or if I wanted to toy with parishioners' lives), I might believe in god just to make it a less banal life, I suppose.

[Mr.Obvious]

You can just choose to believe or not to? Strange, the phrase double-think comes to mind.

[Draconic Aiur]

This is a hard question for me to answer. As a sociopath, I have little of what can be called a conscience, nor have I much in the way of feelings. I've never had a fear of death, and I'd have no qualms about murdering or raping or torturing anyone, provided I had something to gain from it and nothing to lose.

Yeah...... Go seek help.

[drunkenshoe]

The household I was born into lacked anything about religion, faith or god. Yet there has never been strict labels or an agenda to guide me t0wards anything. Just this unspoken feeling of great distance and negative aspect the oldest I remember back. That I knew something was different with my lot, but didn't know what it was. Esp. if you think people in my community look very secular from outside with their lives, it is no surprise I didn't pick up on anything really problematic until I reached late 20s.

Do you know that age when you read every book you get your hands on around 12, like you read like eating them? I have a very vivid memory of my father getting very uncomfortable when I found my way to the bible in the home library when I was 13. I don't think he feared fear islam, but mostly christianity and buddhism as we were raised, conditioned under Western culture. Mostly he talked about how female is defined in all religions, doesn't matter which one including Buddhims and the similar faith systems...etc. He is not a father of a Holywood movie kind that sits down and talk to her daughters and that was a few of the exceptions.

But the first time I heard atheism in an elaborate way from my younger uncle at 15. It was a different time than now. It just flew very organically and normal. I didn't feel anything special, positive or negative about it. It was just an official definiiton and a name given to me. "This is what you are talking about, kiddo. You are an atheist." Of course I have been warned countless times about how people like me are regarded everywhere around the world. Dad gets very annoyed when I get loud and I get scolded. LOL.

[Baruch]

Thanks for sharing again, Shoe.  I enjoy speaking with my daughter on a one-on-one basis.  Sorry your dad is more like my dad ... mine wasn't comfortable talking in general ... perhaps because he was too self conscious about him not being educated.

[Solomon Zorn]

You can just choose to believe or not to? Strange, the phrase double-think comes to mind.

Sociopath? The phrase, "Lock him up," comes to mind.

[drunkenshoe]

Thanks for sharing again, Shoe.  I enjoy speaking with my daughter on a one-on-one basis.  Sorry your dad is more like my dad ... mine wasn't comfortable talking in general ... perhaps because he was too self conscious about him not being educated.

Yeah mine is not a chatty type. He is one of those old school guys who talks seriously when it is neccessary. He has his moments. We usually end up butting heads and eventually with 'no, I am right!' convo. It's fun though. He is smart and educated. They both are. He is a very playful man when he is cheerful. Mom always said the only difference between me and my father is gender. Even though she is the best source to make a comparison, I always thought she was exaggerating, but for the last decade I think she is right. But dad has/d much more domestic and successful life than me overall, lol. And I really shouldn't be allowed to criticise my parents, because it really doesn't get better than this under my circumstances.

[gentle_dissident]

nor have I much in the way of feelings.

The 2nd paragraph seems to have a little more than not much feeling.

I intended to have a lucid dream once. The dream quickly became pointless to me.

[GSOgymrat]

My family went to a Methodist church until I was 16 but none of us were very religious people. My dad was an atheist but didn't come out and say so until I was a teenager. He said he took us to church because our mother was Christian and "it was the social thing to do." Growing up in the South in the 60' and 70's church attendance was expected, especially in my parent's social circles. I remember reciting the children's bedtime prayer, "now I lay me down to sleep..." until I was old enough to understand the "if I should die before I wake" part, then I was too scared by the reality I could go to sleep and never wake up to continue. In church service, Sunday school and vacation Bible school this pattern persisted: I would recite along until I understood what I was reading and if the story didn't make sense I wouldn't believed it. As a child Bible stories were like Aesops's Fables and other allegories, they weren't real but would convey a message. I was a bookworm as a child, reading all the time, and the Bible had to compete with a lot of other stories. When I prayed I never felt anything but this didn't surprise me because praying was like casting a spell or wishing upon a star, it was real in stories, not in real life. I never felt "God's love" not because I was resistant but it just wasn't there. When the minister would says "Can't you just feel the love of Jesus fill the room!" I would check my feelings and realize, no, I don't sense anything out of the ordinary. I actually wanted to feel it but it seemed like everyone around me was dancing to music that I couldn't hear, but fortunately I could fake the dance by mimicking the other dancers. The stories in the Bible, the sermons I was hearing on Sunday, didn't match my perception of the world around me; they didn't seem intuitively true, factually true and didn't even seem like a good way to live one's life. There were a lot of other stories that did speak to me, that moved me and explained the world in a way that made sense and seemed more genuine. I feel like I devoted enough time trying to understand Christianity and I've long since move on to other ideas.

[Atheon]

Never. Even as a kid I thought the idea was preposterous. It actually puzzled me how adults, who were supposed to be smarter than a mere kid like me, could believe in such ridiculosity.

[gentle_dissident]

I could fake the dance by mimicking the other dancers.

I find that so exhausting. We different people sure are talented. If the normal people ever figured that out, they'd tie us to organ grinders.

[Unbeliever]

I believed as a child what I was told, until I had reason to cease believing the drivel. I'm unsure just how much I believed, but I took the word of those I trusted, and used God's existence as a working hypothesis (though not in just those words) until it stopped working.

[GSOgymrat]

I believed as a child what I was told, until I had reason to cease believing the drivel. I'm unsure just how much I believed, but I took the word of those I trusted, and used God's existence as a working hypothesis (though not in just those words) until it stopped working.

I had older brothers and sisters. I learned early not to trust what people told me:

"Eat this, it's delicious."
"I asked Mom and she is fine with it."
"Whatever you do don't swallow a watermelon seed. It will grow in your stomach and kill you."
"You know you're adopted, right?"
"You had a twin sister who fell down the stairs and died. That's the creaking noise you hear at night. She's trying to take your place."

[pato15]

I believed when I was a teenager. And those beliefs may or may not have been influenced by the cute girl in bible study...

[Unbeliever]

As Saul/Paul said, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."