Did you ever believe in a god?

[TomFoolery]

I think I did, but it's hard for me to separate in hindsight how much I actually believed versus how much I just wanted to believe.

[Baruch]

I don't believe in G-d, even though I am a theist.  Because "believe" means several things, and for me a different usage than others here.  I don't believe in the New England Patriots (football team).  I am not a fan, I hope they lose every game.  But that doesn't mean that they don't exist, or that there aren't other people who are fans, who want them to win every game.  That G-d may exist in metaphysical terms, I don't doubt (I have no reason to be skeptical, I am at rock bottom like Descartes).  But that isn't a scriptural god or religion god ... that is why I use the avatar I use.  The scriptural god or religion god isn't G-d ... it is fantasy and wish fulfillment.  That is how I don't believe in G-d.

But there were times when I believed in G-d in scriptural or religious terms.  I simply can't relate to fantasy and wish fulfillment any more ... it isn't epistemological (be rational, be empirical, be scientific) like it is for the rest of you.  My mind is intact, but my heart is not.  My inner child is wounded, but not dead.

[Mermaid]

Why do people write "G-d" instead of "God"?

[SGOS]

I think I did, but it's hard for me to separate in hindsight how much I actually believed versus how much I just wanted to believe.

I wonder if there is any truth to the statement (I just came up with it): "If you find yourself wanting to believe, you probably don't believe."

I was wondering, because from my own experience, I went through an intense wanting to believe in my late teens.  It didn't work out for me, and just sort of fizzled.  I continued to think of myself as a Christian, because admitting any atheism in myself would have been akin to identifying as a sexual pervert, and I couldn't accept the label.

But in thinking back at the great fizzle, it should have alerted me to what was really going on inside.

[GSOgymrat]

I resent this question as it's a conspiracy to makes us all feel guilty...;-)

Is it better to have been in love and learned she wasn't who you thought she was than never to have loved at all?

[kilodelta]

Why do people write "G-d" instead of "God"?

I wonder about that as well.

As to the OP, I'm a True Blood Atheist (TBA: pronounced "tabba") that never had a god belief. Therefore, I'm superior and get free beer.

[Mermaid]

I wonder about that as well.

As to the OP, I'm a True Blood Atheist (TBA: pronounced "tabba") that never had a god belief. Therefore, I'm superior and get free beer.

Why the F didn't anyone tell me about the free beer when I was a kid? It would have saved me a lot of soul-searching.

[Baruch]

Why do people write "G-d" instead of "God"?

One reason is superstition (don't take the name of the Lord your G-d in vain).  Another reason is to be clear.  These are not the same God vs god vs G-d ... or it is a joke ... a "god of the gaps or dashes" ;-)  There are lots of gods, but only one God (this is monotheist, though most Christians aren't).  But I don't mean God, so for me it is G-d.  But if I were a Mahayana Buddhist .. it would correspond to the transcendent body of the eternal Buddha ... of which Sakya-Muni was a manifestation/avatar.

[kilodelta]

Why the F didn't anyone tell me about the free beer when I was a kid? It would have saved me a lot of soul-searching.

Tabbas don't advertise. That's why no one has heard about us.

[josephpalazzo]

Is it better to have been in love and learned she wasn't who you thought she was than never to have loved at all?

Falling in love with a lovely person, then have your heart broken is part of growing up - no shame, no resentment - but falling in love with god is like falling in love with a truly horrific monster, there's no pleasure in talking about that.

[sdelsolray]

Yes, as a child I was indoctrinated with the Episcopalian religion and experienced common peer pressure to go with it.  But it didn't last.  By my early teens I was questioning much of the dogma, tenets and stories.  I fell away by my mid to late teens and have remained a non-believer ever since.

[Mr.Obvious]

I did. And I wasn't even heavily indoctrinated.
My parents didn't believe but had me baptized and take my communion because it was expected by our grandparents; so more out of tradition. We didn't go to church or anything. But in elementary school I had 'religion' instead of 'ethics' and in the scouts there were some christian themes. I ran with it and accepted it at once. I was a very gullible kid, honestly. Plus, there was something enamouring about possessing this certainty and feeling special and protected and loved.
In hindsight, I don't think my unfounded convictions did me much good in the long run though. I became rather full of myself and arrogant. I was an annoying teen during puberty who felt entitled to special treatment. And there was no way I could be the source of my own problems, after all, I was special and created the way I was meant to be... This led to an attitude that delved me in deeper.

I remember in the pre-to-last year of high school, once, I dismissed a fellow students' ideas of psychics and fortune-telling as it was unfounded and unproven. And somehow something switched in my mind. A little voice said; yeah, but how's that different with your beliefs in God? This led to a long period of me trying to believe, but losing ground constantly the more I researched and tried to hold on to those beliefs. It was a very uncomfortable time, but it also pushed me to see my social and fysical problems as my own and mine to solve. Which in the long run, I'm convinced, got me to this time in my life in which I'm most content.

[doorknob]

raised a roman catholic. Every brand of bullshit is still bullshit.

[gentle_dissident]

Falling in love with a lovely person, then have your heart broken is part of growing up - no shame, no resentment - but falling in love with god is like falling in love with a truly horrific monster, there's no pleasure in talking about that.

I have some fond memories of those monsters.

I've been an atheist as far as I can remember, but it's not from lack of trying. Because my attempts were honest, I was agnostic. Those honest excursions into the state of mind known to believers as the spiritual world, is the abandonment of fear. Feels nice to be surrounded by accepting, forgiving, well off people when abandoning all fear.

[Sal1981]

I did up 'til around I was 13. But I came out of the proverbial closet at 17.