Herd Mentality

[stromboli]

To some degree I suppose.  I was kind of in both worlds in HS.  I wanted to fit, but never really felt that I did fit any 'group'.  I was on the football team--even played both ways so I was on the field for the entire game.  So, I guess I was in the football team group, but not in the 'inner group'.  I admit I was much more a nerd than jock, but I did not fit there either.  I kind of bounced around.  I hated HS.  I wanted a 'herd' in the worst way.  I had a similar experience in the Army.  Have to be in a herd there--I just did not like it all that much.  Then when I became a teacher I had to be in a 'herd' of fellow teachers.  That was better because by this time I had accepted that I did not like being in a 'herd' and found that it was becoming easier for me to personally deal with that feeling.  So I sought to work in the 'continuation school' system, which was much smaller.  I worked at a school with 4 teachers, counting me.  That was a good experience because all 4 of us were 'outsider' types.  Then I moved on to a Juvenile Hall slot in which I was the only teacher; the job grew until we had to have one more teacher.  That was my niche.  The two of us worked well together. 

I have now accepted the fact that I usually don't like being in any herd and that the herd mentality I find distasteful.  I am a loner, basically, and like it like that.  Me, myself and I, make great company; whereas that used to cause angst a bit, it no longer does.  I kinda like the motto--leave me the fuck alone!  I no longer am the nerdy/jock hybrid from HS.  And that gives me satisfaction.

I think "loner" probably fits a lot of us, it certainly does me. Everything I do socially and even my family relationships are for my wife's sake and not mine. I've told her more than once that without her around, I would probably live in a cave in the wilderness.

[Deidre32]

I think "loner" probably fits a lot of us, it certainly does me. Everything I do socially and even my family relationships are for my wife's sake and not mine. I've told her more than once that without her around, I would probably live in a cave in the wilderness.

I spend a lot of time out with friends, and it's been a long process of choosing the 'right' friends, for me to want to be social. I have no desire to sit around laughing at jokes I don't find funny, in hopes of fitting in. Or kissing ass with work colleagues at happy hour, in hopes I'll get ahead. Nope. I used to follow the herd. I'm 33, but in my 20's...I followed the herd more. It got me absolutely nowhere, except angry with myself, and it never feels good in the end, to go against your own values to please others. Having said all that, I enjoy my alone time. Not sure I'd call myself a loner, but I would rather BE alone than cow tow to the herd. I appreciate your story, it really captures what I was trying to convey about it.

As others have said, and I've read myself, herd mentality can be a good thing. We as humans, like to feel cohesive and part of a unit. But, it's often displayed in an unhealthy way.

[Deidre32]

And frankly...the herds I speak of, I've never found worth joining. Online or offline. Sometimes online, when I run across 'herds,' it's almost like there's one person logged in, posting under a variety of usernames. lol That's how similar the thinking, jokes and posts become after a while, within the herd. ^_^

[Mike Cl]

I think "loner" probably fits a lot of us, it certainly does me. Everything I do socially and even my family relationships are for my wife's sake and not mine. I've told her more than once that without her around, I would probably live in a cave in the wilderness.

Yeah, a cave would be good.  As long as I can have my computer and books.  The computer is for games and the books--well, books are good for everything. And I would like one or two of my furry children; they are the best partners one can have!

[Deidre32]

Yeah, a cave would be good.  As long as I can have my computer and books.  The computer is for games and the books--well, books are good for everything. And I would like one or two of my furry children; they are the best partners one can have!

Awww...yes. :) My cats make a great herd. <3
A cave where I can still talk to all of you? I'm in.
:=D

[Mike Cl]

This is it! This type of thing was exactly what I had in mind that prompted my thread. Whether it's at work, or in social networks, or online...this is what I mean. I'm so sorry you went through this. It's so wrong. I hate herd mentality. I always stick up for the under dog because I've been the under dog before. I deactivated facebook over herd mentality gone wild. I remember one day I popped on to look at some of my friends' updates...one friend posted something frivolous...a selfie of her holding a cup of coffee, and her status was...something along the lines of ''caffeine overdose.'' She had a ton of 'likes'...and comments. I have another friend who on that same day posted that she had received high honors at her job, and she was getting a promotion. She had a handful of likes and no comments. Well, I commented.

My friend with the coffee pic was the more popular one than the other. It got to the point, where this crap was the norm...and I eventually deactivated my page. I find FB to be an absolute joke of a site, as it breeds herd mentality, and competitiveness.

Your story is exactly all that is wrong with our world...herd mentality gone bad.

I had the same experience with FB--was on it for awhile--maybe a month--and grew so bored with it that I simply stopped going to it.  I hate phones since they are so demanding--no matter what I'm doing, I must drop it and answer the damned thing.  And I find that I am too dumb for a smart phone--my flip top phone is too much for me. :)  I only have that because my wife insists. 

I'm impressed you have come to the point you have at the tender age of 33.  I was much older when I came to embrace being out of the herd.  You must be capable of much honest introspection to have come this far.  That is a good thing--no, great thing!  Keep it up.

[stromboli]

I think my idea of a cave is a little different than yours.



We're talking near zero heat and cooling costs, and built in the right way literally earthquake and fire proof. there is a home in Idaho that is practically a mansion, but I don't have pics of it. A couple built a home in the middle of a forest in the Sierra Nevadas that survived multiple wildfires because there was nothing to burn, and the cave was spacious enough to provide sufficient oxygen to ride it out.

[Mike Cl]

I think my idea of a cave is a little different than yours.



We're talking near zero heat and cooling costs, and built in the right way literally earthquake and fire proof. there is a home in Idaho that is practically a mansion, but I don't have pics of it. A couple built a home in the middle of a forest in the Sierra Nevadas that survived multiple wildfires because there was nothing to burn, and the cave was spacious enough to provide sufficient oxygen to ride it out.

That is simply amazing!!  My grandparents had 11 acres situated in the Douglas Fir forest 25 miles north of Portland, Or.  Some of my first memories are of being at the 'farm'.  It had it's own water source--two springs originating on the property.  But it was fairly hilly.  Above their house was a steep hill--too steep to farm.  For years, my dream (of the pipe sort) was dig a home out of that hill, with about 1/4 of it exposed.  That house you picture is pretty close to what I saw in my mind. 

Yeah--I could live in a cave like that quite easily!!

[Deidre32]

I had the same experience with FB--was on it for awhile--maybe a month--and grew so bored with it that I simply stopped going to it.  I hate phones since they are so demanding--no matter what I'm doing, I must drop it and answer the damned thing.  And I find that I am too dumb for a smart phone--my flip top phone is too much for me. :)  I only have that because my wife insists. 

I'm impressed you have come to the point you have at the tender age of 33.  I was much older when I came to embrace being out of the herd.  You must be capable of much honest introspection to have come this far.  That is a good thing--no, great thing!  Keep it up.

Aw, thank you for saying this. *hug*
When I was a kid, I didn't know how to articulate my feelings, but definitely recognized herd mentality back in school. Bullies, etc. The bad kids always seemed to get ahead, and often by hurting others. They were always the center of attention, and seemed to make everyone laugh. I don't like that. :(

And the sad part isn't that bullies exist, but rather that they have a following.

Relating to FB, yes, I found it boring. It was fun at first, but...meh. It really should be renamed to attentionwhore.com
At least that fits. ^_^

[Deidre32]

I think my idea of a cave is a little different than yours.



We're talking near zero heat and cooling costs, and built in the right way literally earthquake and fire proof. there is a home in Idaho that is practically a mansion, but I don't have pics of it. A couple built a home in the middle of a forest in the Sierra Nevadas that survived multiple wildfires because there was nothing to burn, and the cave was spacious enough to provide sufficient oxygen to ride it out.

I could become a cave dweller... oh yea! That's so cool!
:)

[SGOS]

I had a job that I really liked one time with 7 colleagues that constituted the main herd.  I didn't fit in with that herd.  I ran with a different herd.  It probably cost me some office politics points too.  I really wished I was part of the main herd, but I recognized I had better friends in other places.  But I still liked the job.  It was bitter-sweet.  I've had many jobs, where the main herd was of no interest to me at all.  I think I'm a natural outsider.  If I were a wolf, I'd probably be run out of the pack.  Oh wait, look at my avatar.  I am a wolf.  Oh my!

[Mermaid]

History would suggest that survival over rules ones personal views of their position in the "herd".

But herds have different dynamics. The trick is to find one that aligns with you.
Like Ferris Bueller: The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads; they all adored him. They thought he was a righteous dude.

[Mermaid]

I had a job that I really liked one time with 7 colleagues that constituted the main herd.  I didn't fit in with that herd.  I ran with a different herd.  It probably cost me some office politics points too.  I really wished I was part of the main herd, but I recognized I had better friends in other places.  But I still liked the job.  It was bitter-sweet.  I've had many jobs, where the main herd was of no interest to me at all.  I think I'm a natural outsider.  If I were a wolf, I'd probably be run out of the pack.  Oh wait, look at my avatar.  I am a wolf.  Oh my!

I don't fit in socially at work, but I keep that to myself. That's how I have learned to adapt. I never show my cards. Most of them are Christians who would plotz if they ever heard Howard Stern.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

 

And frankly...the herds I speak of, I've never found worth joining. Online or offline. Sometimes online, when I run across 'herds,' it's almost like there's one person logged in, posting under a variety of usernames. lol That's how similar the thinking, jokes and posts become after a while, within the herd. ^_^

Welcome to the AF herd and if you stray to far from the herd one of the guys in white hats (mods) will lasso you around the neck and either drag you back into the herd or mercifully put a new shiny ban hammer over your head and leave you to the vultures.

[Deidre32]

:shifty:Welcome to the AF herd and if you stray to far from the herd one of the guys in white hats (mods) will lasso you around the neck and either drag you back into the herd or mercifully put a new shiny ban hammer over your head and leave you to the vultures.

Lol!

Hmmmm.... ^_^