New Here - Have a question about child and church!

[brandon]

Hey everyone!

My name is Brandon and I am new around here. I have not joined any atheist communities because I have always been very open about my lack of faith. I have not really cared what people thought about me and my beliefs, I want friends who like me for me, not my beliefs. So, if someone wants to not be a friend because I do not believe in a greater power, so be it, they're not a worth being friends with anyway!

But here is my question. A friend of my daughter asked if she can go to church with her. Now, my first thought was to just say we have something else to do or something. But, I believe that is just a delay. I would be honest, and tell their parents that we do not believe the same things, but I don't want that to impact her friendship.  I know the child would never judge my daughter on my beliefs, but the parent may not allow them to be friends or something.  I could just let her go, but my daughter is only 6 and will still take most of what she is told by an adult as fact!

What do I do?

Thanks in advance!

Brandon Viles

[stromboli]

Welcome. Good question. You could let her go and deprogram her afterward, prepare her beforehand by pointing out that people believe stuff they can't prove, or avoid the issue entirely.

I'd go with avoidance because at that age, a child shouldn't have to make philosophical decisions without some preparation. I was first a Mormon and then a Christian, and all my children are atheists now because I let them choose, but they got dragged through the mill, so to speak, to get there. Tough decision, I hope you make the right one.

[brandon]

I appreciate the quick response! I was kind of thinking the same thing. While I was waiting for a reply, her friend came back and said they were leaving, so I just told her she wouldn't be able to go tonight. My daughters reaction was that she felt left out and that she was going to miss out on games and toys. I told her that although there may be games and toys, that church was really about learning about god. I told her my viewpoints on the topic and she cried and said she believed in god, obviously to make me think that she would fit in there. I know she just wants to do things with her friends.

I guess this was a good thing as it has opened my discussion with her about this, and now, maybe, as I feel she gets more knowledge and can learn to distinguish fact from opinion, she will either not go, or not be brain-washable.

Anyway, thanks again!

I will be lurking around here to bring my opinions to the table and join the discussion!
Brandon Viles

[PickelledEggs]

I like strombili's response, so I'll just second that.

Anyway, welcome :-D

glad to have you a board
[spoil:1gquhhpy]i apologize in advance for my painful puns now and in the future[/spoil:1gquhhpy]

[brandon]

Thanks for the welcome,

I am glad to be a a long, thin, flat piece of wood or other hard material, used for floors or other building purposes.

[aitm]

Yeah, I was the "open minded let them find there own way" type when my kid wanted to go with her friend across the street, This was far more about being her friend and being accepted than going to church. It of course turned into her always wanting to go to church because after all, what's not to like about sunday school? Games, singing, playing, kool-aid, cookies,, fuck yeah.... I made that mistake. I would urge like Strom, once they get in the brain, it takes an education to get that shit out...and sometimes..its still not enough.

[Shol'va]

The risk I see in this is that your daughter may start attaching her emotions to the faith and may start buying into it that way. In other words it won't be a matter of fact, but an issue of friendship, belonging, fitting in, being with her friend etc. Personally I'd have a very brief chat with her to prepare her for what she will partake in and help her with compartmentalizing: you can have  the social aspect without believing in any of that stuff.
I would definitely have a follow-up conversation and ask her probing question. What did she think about it? What did she like about it? What did she not like about it? What questions does she have, etc.

Above all you don't want to indoctrinate her, you want to teach her how to think. My kid is not that old yet, I am just reasoning my way through this all with zero experience so take it as such.

So in a sense I guess I am echoing what stromboli thinks.

[brandon]

Great replies from everyone. You all have really helped me a lot and reinforced a lot of what I was already thinking. It would be nice to get perspective from a theist... meh, nvm :D

[Plu]

In addition to the above, can I suggest going to church with her and without her friends the first time? Let her experience what church is actually about before you let her be roped in by the loonies on the promise of friendship and happiness.

Of course I don't know what kind of a church this is, if it's full of toys and games and other ways to mindcontrol kids into religion than this would probably not work, but even when I was a kid I only have memories of church being boring as fuck.

If they really are using toys and games as motivators, you should probably just tell her it's a cheap trick to try and not let her go. Because that's really disgusting and it'll probably work, too.

[irish]

I appreciate the quick response! I was kind of thinking the same thing. While I was waiting for a reply, her friend came back and said they were leaving, so I just told her she wouldn't be able to go tonight. My daughters reaction was that she felt left out and that she was going to miss out on games and toys. I told her that although there may be games and toys, that church was really about learning about god. I told her my viewpoints on the topic and she cried and said she believed in god, obviously to make me think that she would fit in there. I know she just wants to do things with her friends.

I guess this was a good thing as it has opened my discussion with her about this, and now, maybe, as I feel she gets more knowledge and can learn to distinguish fact from opinion, she will either not go, or not be brain-washable.

Anyway, thanks again!
You
I will be lurking around here to bring my opinions to the table and join the discussion!
Brandon Viles

You told a child you don't believe in God, and she said she does and cried.  Who are you to deprive her of going to Church
with a friend?  You sound like a  monster with those child rearing techniques.  You should be honest with these friends parents
and tell them the truth.  You don't believe and God and your child won't be attending any Church functions.

irish.

[Plu]

It would be nice to get perspective from a theist... meh, nvm :D

Ask and ye shall receive. Our local theist above has also shared his view. Was it everything you could've hoped for? :P

[irish]

Great replies from everyone. You all have really helped me a lot and reinforced a lot of what I was already thinking. It would be nice to get perspective from a theist... meh, nvm :D

Brandon your techniques remind me of extreme theists.  By God, we believe in NO GOD, and you are not at six no less going anywhere there is a CHANCE IN HELL you might be brainwashed. What are you so afraid of?
 
Just like the extreme theists that force religion down the throats of their kids in overdoses of it and they leave to be atheists.

You'll have the opposite problem.
Call me when she's Catholic and has questions.
Irish.

[Jason78]

What do I do?

Church and gods are an adult concept.   You wouldn't let your daughter go to a swingers club would you?

[Sal1981]

I like the first reply from Stromboli the most, limiting your daughter from doing stuff with her friends, even if it's in a church will come back to haunt you.

I don't really know what would be the best course of action. I just hope you're able to show the difference between people who believe in god for stupid, illogical and emotional reasons and the importance to take stuff on account of evidence and what you can show to be true.

What do I do?

Church and gods are an adult concept.   You wouldn't let your daughter go to a swingers club would you?

:rollin:

[aitm]

You sound like a monster with those child rearing techniques.

because after all, using songs, games, cookies and soda-pop to convince a child of an invisible brutish monster who will torture you forever if you don't love it, is VERY responsible parenting.