Wishing to come out as Atheist

[Bluewind]

It's 3 am here and I was messing around on Facebook updating stuff and reading posts when I seen that there was a "Changed Beliefs" option under life events. I sat and started at it a bit and realized I wanted nothing more than to add that life event. To mark publicly that I'm an atheist. I mean, I'm getting an atheist themed tattoo, but most people have no clue what it means. I made a necklace with the atheist @ on it and people think it's the symbol for The Avengers. To put up on there that I'm an atheist is just asking for trouble in my small town in the bible belt, but I still want to do it.

The only thing holding me back is my sister. She is a wonderful person, but a little overboard on the Christian stuff. I love her and my nephews, but I'm scared of what she would do if she found out. Would she smile and go on or cut me out of her and her kid's lives? It's that fear that has kept me from telling her I'm bisexual and I've been out for 6 years!

Anyway, please forgive my rambling. I'm tired and longing for the day that I don't have to hide parts of myself because a really old book told people to hate and/or fix who I am.

[Mr.Obvious]

Blue, you haven't been here long, but you come across as a sensible person with good insight regarding the world around you. Questions/problems like the one you describe come up here often. My advice is usually the same; you're the only one who can make the choice.
Given your situation i can understand you being afraid to tell your sis and the world. And hell, i'm not passing judgement on weather you should or should not. I do not think one choice is inherently right.  But i also don't think any of us can truly being something new to the table here. There is no third way; do or do not. In your heart you know this is what you stand before. And only you can weigh the pro's and cons. Only you can calculate the risk, and only you should decide if you want to roll those dice. And you being a reasonable person; i'm sure you'll figure it out.

[SGOS]

I wouldn't do it, but it's your choice.  And Facebook is hardly a medium for intelligent discussion.  I went through a phase where I felt I needed to tell people I was an atheist, and I did.  People aren't interested.  Sure they want to save your soul, but they have no interest or curiosity about how you came to be an atheist.  In 20 years of being "out", Except for this forum, I've had one person, ONLY ONE PERSON, ever ask me why I don't believe in God.  This led to a discussion lasting all of 10 seconds. 

[Bluewind]

@Mr.Obvious
What an impossibly wonderfully sweet thing to say! Thank you :)

You put it well. I know the choice is mine, but sometimes the internal debate is maddening. I want to be fully open about it and be an example to my community that atheists does not equal a terrible person who either worships Satan or has just lost their way.

I've always had a strong sense of right and wrong and have even lost jobs over standing up for others and allowing myself to be the invisible scap goat that makes something better. It's not that I'm a glutton for punishment or anything; I was badly abused by my mother and know the feeling of being on the receiving end of your own personal hell while others stand by and do nothing. After I got out and talked to so many people who all said they knew something was wrong but never said or did anything about it, I vowed I would always do something even at the cost of myself. Staying hidden goes against everything I stand for, but to be able to be in my two youngest nephews' (6 and 7) lives and teach them like I did their two older brothers (19 and 22) about how homosexuals aren't bad people and other such bible based nonsense, I have to. It's a fight not to come out as an atheist and one day, I won't be in the mood to fight it. I can only hope that on that day, my sister will surprise me.

@SGOS
Unfortunately I live in a VERY Christian community in the bible belt. I even talked in my intro thread about a long "discussion" I had with someone I thought was my friend later on in my intro (which, by the way progressed even more the next time I saw him). My ex who left me for a 21 year old sent me over a dozen bible booklets when he found out and text me and called me saying he was praying for me. My dad (who is a closet atheist), my 19 year old nephew and 1 friend are the only local people who have been okay with it here. I had a fertility doctor at a major hospital clinic walk out on me in the middle of my appointment while I was crying (after she told me I had a hormone imbalance and would need help to ever conceive) and decline to help me because I told her I wasn't a Christian (when she said I should go to church to meet a nice boy). This is a town where churches have fundraisers selling crosses outside Walmart, plumbers have sermons for hold music, I can't go to the library without the girls behind the desk saying a lot of bible stuff at me (they often study it out loud too right by the computers) my chiropractor asks God to work through his hands to help heal people. I had a tattoo parlor refuse to work on me when they found out I was getting an Atheist tattoo for christ sake! Staying quiet makes me so angry sometimes. I met my best friend online, we've met in real life, and I think I would go crazy without her sometimes.

[Baruch]

Getting revenge by publicly outing yourself, revenge against family members and community, is a temporary sociopathic pleasure ... that has long term negative consequences.  Get thyself to a new community first.  It would be like outing yourself as a nudist in an ISIS town.  Move to a nudist colony first ... otherwise you are just finding a way to be self destructive, when what you need is catharsis.  You can't get catharsis where you are now, not even if you are an Emperor.

Ancient Athens invented theater for social, political and religious catharsis.  But I wouldn't recommend rooting for the Persians, at a showing of The Persians by Aeschylus.  Aeschylus fought at Marathon, he might not take kindly to your choice of fandom.

[stromboli]

As an Ex-Mormon who councils people leaving the cult on a regular basis- your first priority is your own safety. As others have said, a temporary feeling of satisfaction can  lead to long term pain. Ultimately its your decision, but don't do anything without considering the overall cost in safety and exposure. In Utah there have been 36 suicides of young LGBT people who have been disenfranchised by the church, denounced by their families and in some cases kicked out of their houses. Don't put yourself in jeopardy if you don't have to.

Safety first. You do what keeps you safe; that said, you can plan ahead and lurk here and on other forums for consolation. It can be difficult and the natural inclination is to speak up and confront the hypocrisy, but don't hurt yourself in doing so.

[Mike Cl]

If you officially out yourself in your situation, you will only compound your pain and frustration with your situation.  You must remember that you value critical thinking and real physical evidence in your life; your christian neighbors do not.  They only consider belief and faith, neither of which wants anything to do with facts or reasoning.  If you want to out yourself wait until you can get to a better situation.  In the meantime content yourself with making little conquests from within.  Drop comments here and there.  But, ultimately, you have to make that choice.  Good luck with whatever you do.

[TomFoolery]

Coming out as an atheist is scary. I wouldn't say it's as scary as coming out as a gay, child molesting, drug smuggling animal pornographer, but it might make you feel like you're one. The problem is, there's a pretty large intersectionality of people who don't agree on anything, except for the fact that atheists are bad.

[Johan]

I'm tired and longing for the day that I don't have to hide parts of myself because a really old book told people to hate and/or fix who I am.

I feel your pain. To the vast majority of the people in my life I'm 'not really into religion' and they ONLY learn that if they ask. Its frustrating to have to hide who you really are. But right now we still live in a society where that frustration is preferable to the alternative IMO.

[Mermaid]

The way I see it, outing yourself can only hurt you and will probably not improve your life. Especially outing yourself on social media.
If you are asking for advice, my advice is not to do it. You cannot unring that bell.

[Bluewind]

I really appreciate all the replies. Last night I felt so frustrated I just wanted to scream into the void about the unfairness of it all. It felt good just to vent my frustration about my situation and how sometimes I am so close to to outing myself, but pull myself back for the sake of my little nephews. One day, they will need someone to tell them that some of the things they have been taught are wrong before the poison cements itself into their brains.

One of my older nephews was afraid to ask a girl out he really liked because she had two moms. I had a long talk with him, he had an epiphany, they started dating, and years later she became his wife. He's a successful intelligent young man who (apart from the occasional facepalm level joke) is very tolerant. He didn't judge me at all for being an atheist either and reacted like I had just told him the weather. I want the same for my other nephews.

[SGOS]

My Catholic Sister and her husband are fine with my atheism, but you can't count on everybody to be fine.  Just because they are friends or family provides no guarantee either.  Learned prejudice can run deep, and may not be irreversible.

[Mermaid]

I really appreciate all the replies. Last night I felt so frustrated I just wanted to scream into the void about the unfairness of it all. It felt good just to vent my frustration about my situation and how sometimes I am so close to to outing myself, but pull myself back for the sake of my little nephews. One day, they will need someone to tell them that some of the things they have been taught are wrong before the poison cements itself into their brains.

One of my older nephews was afraid to ask a girl out he really liked because she had two moms. I had a long talk with him, he had an epiphany, they started dating, and years later she became his wife. He's a successful intelligent young man who (apart from the occasional facepalm level joke) is very tolerant. He didn't judge me at all for being an atheist either and reacted like I had just told him the weather. I want the same for my other nephews.

I think it must be a process, and that almost everyone has to go through the anger phase. I am still pretty angry and judgmental about religion, but I try to keep my perspective and understand peoples' apparent need for it.
Proselytizing whether you are religious or atheist is the same to me.

[Bluewind]

My Catholic Sister and her husband are fine with my atheism, but you can't count on everybody to be fine.  Just because they are friends or family provides no guarantee either.  Learned prejudice can run deep, and may not be irreversible.

So very true.

@Mermaid
It's not that I want to convert anyone to my beliefs (I believe that religion is an important part of people's lives); I just don't want religion to be used as an excuse for bigotry or those who lack faith to be seen as terrible people in general. Sometimes I just want to be a passive example that atheists can be good kind people just like anybody else.

I'm not sure about one of my older nephews because I had less influence in his life, but the other one who I had lots of long talks with (I babysat him a lot) is one of the good Christians who is respectful of people with different beliefs and sexualities than their own. Him finding out I was bisexual when he was about 12 shattered everything his parents had taught him about people in the LGBT+ community (my sister never talked about it extensively around me, but between random comments and stuff her children have said and were taught was true, I can safely call her bigoted). Between our talks and his girlfriend's (later wife's) parents, he no longer believes in 90% of the homophobic things he was taught. There is a shadow of the homophobic, racist, bigoted things he was taught that lingers (usually only popping up when he tells a really bigoted joke), but he's a good and accepting man. I want the same for my other nephews.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Blue,  why would you really give a rats ass what others think of your beliefs and /or choices in life?
Being an atheist isn't like some big badge of courage or honor.  It simply means that you don't believe in a god or other spook in the sky. I don't run around telling everyone I know and frankly it's nobody's damned business what I do or don't believe.
I've had plenty of people who tell me that I believe in a god,but just won't admit it or that it's a phase or some other such bullshit.
You know what I tell them? I actually got cold, hard cash from the Tooth Fairy, but not one damned dime from their god damn god.. That always shuts them up and they leave me alone..