Lurker, now member!

[me23]

I have been lurking on these forums for awhile and think I have found a home.  Im 42 and have a wife and 2 kids.  I live.. wait for in it... in the Babble Belt!!!
I'm here in North Carolina.  I was raised Baptist and never quite "got it."  I despised going to church when I was a kid, I thought it was boring and a waste of time.  However, I still prayed every night I went to bed. What I prayed for doesn't really matter at this point, but as I got older and wiser and more educated, I began to understand that it was all bullshit.   The more educated you are ( I have 2 bachelors and 1 masters) the more enlightened you are without  a doubt.  I began listening to what other people had to say and really examine what was around me.  I came to the conclusion that I was being bamboozled  when I was younger and ignorant.  Now, I cant even stand for someone to say "God Bless You" when I sneeze.  I mean for fuck sakes, its a natural reaction the nose has to an irritant, not that my soul is leaving my body.  Anyway, I hope to contribute here and learn as well.  Thanks for having me.

On a side note, even after me being a non-believer, I still make my 10 year old and 6 year old say their prayers at night.  Our family does not go to church, but my wife is a believer.  I would like to tell my children the truth, but kids can be very impressionable and I'm afraid they will be scared and sad that there is no afterlife.  Any suggestions?

[stromboli]

Welcome. Your situation is sadly not at all uncommon. I am an ex-Mormon and on exmo websites you hear the same story over and over. Don't have much advice but I'm sure others can help. Stick around, it can get interesting on here.

[TomFoolery]

First of all, welcome. :)

I would like to tell my children the truth, but kids can be very impressionable and I'm afraid they will be scared and sad that there is no afterlife.  Any suggestions?

I'm a proponent of the idea that it's better to accept a hard truth than a reassuring lie. I think it's easier to just start kids off as atheists from the beginning but since you don't have that option, stripping religion away can be really traumatic.

My step-daughter was raised in a moderately Catholic home (my husband was raised Catholic but now considers himself 'spiritual' if anything) but his ex-wife took her to mass many Sundays. As such, she says prayers and believes in God. Unfortunately she's also moderately autistic and has learning and cognitive disabilities and can't be reasoned with in any sense even though she's 12 years old.

The approach I have with her is that I'm just simply myself and answer questions when asked, and I think that's probably best with any child regardless of the circumstance. If your children want to say prayers, let them. If they start asking you hard questions about your beliefs, answer those openly and honestly. I think when you're coming from a place of faith, the transition seems to be easiest when neither religion nor atheism is forced: you just sort of logically arrive at the conclusion for yourself. I think some ways you can subtly encourage it is to start asking your kids age-appropriate questions on topics that force them to think critically and logically about the world around them, and encourage skepticism. That will help pave the way to question religion on their own terms when they're ready.

At age six, most kids are still naive enough to buy into things like Santa Claus and as such probably never bothered asking introspective and hard-hitting questions about God and the nature of the universe and the afterlife. But that's age-appropriate.

[Hydra009]

I have been lurking on these forums for awhile and think I have found a home.  Im 42 and have a wife and 2 kids.  I live.. wait for in it... in the Babble Belt!!!
I'm here in North Carolina.

Welcome, fellow North Carolinian!  *raises a can of cheerwine in salute*

[AllRight]

I have been lurking on these forums for awhile and think I have found a home.  Im 42 and have a wife and 2 kids.  I live.. wait for in it... in the Babble Belt!!!
Now, I cant even stand for someone to say "God Bless You" when I sneeze.  I mean for fuck sakes, its a natural reaction the nose has to an irritant, not that my soul is leaving my body. 

I know how you feel...The fundamentalists in my office are avid "blessers" and when they throw one my way after a sneeze all I can muster is awkward silence as I continue to work.  Probably rude, but I am hypersensitive to any reference to God right  now.  Been an Atheist for less than a year and am adjusting and live too close to the bible belt for my taste so pretty much religion is in your face all day here.  But, Welcome... great to have you here!

[Mr.Obvious]

Welcome to our little band of heathens, hoping you'll enjoy you time here.

I'd suggest to never tell your kids there is no god or there is no heaven. When they come to you rather Explain there is no evidence behind these claims that you've come across. This will allow them to think on the subject themselves rather than being instructed what to believe or not, by an autoritative figure.
Also, checken they might not be scared of the idea of an afterlife. Hell is a pretty frightzning place given that you think it is real.
Of course, it is a given that you and your believing partner are aware how the other deels and what your and her hopes for their future are and what to expect you and her would say if they came to you with religiou questions.

[Baruch]

Welcome also.  "my soul is leaving my body" ... if you hang a Native American dream catcher in the area, you can get it back if it is blown out your nose ;-)

[aitm]

well, I would never make my kid say a prayer. If god wants them to pray then by god he make them do it eh? Don't make my grandkid pray either, I read to her more than anyone else though and the neighbor lady who watches her sometimes let he borrow some book with jesus in it and she wanted me to read it, I looked at it and said, "no, bring me a different one". She shrugged and brought a different book.

[Mike Cl]

Welcome, me.  As for telling you children the truth, that's tough with a believer wife.  But think of it this way.  How does not having an after life affect your emotional balance?  Does it, or did it ever, scare you that you would not have one?  If not, then why suppose it will make your children sad or depressed?  Do they still believe the Tooth Fairy or Santa or the Easter Bunny are real and alive?  But only you can gauge what will work within your own family.  Just make sure that what you do matches what you say as much as possible.  Why?  Trust.  You children need to trust what you say, how you say it and what you do.  Be consistent.  And don't make any promises that you cannot keep. 

And welcome to our little part of the universe.

[Solomon Zorn]

Hello, Me.

Ain't never had a wife and kids, myself. So I won't presume to offer advice, about the family.

My mom was a Christian, and my dad was an agnostic atheist. My mom told me, when I was very little, that some people believe that you go to heaven when you die, and that some people believe there is nothing after death. She said I had plenty of time to decide which one I believed.

[Unbeliever]

Welcome also.  "my soul is leaving my body" ... if you hang a Native American dream catcher in the area, you can get it back if it is blown out your nose ;-)

I think that most of the things that can come out of a nose are not things anyone wants back...

[me23]

Thanks for the replies everyone and the advice.

[me23]

First of all, welcome. :)

I'm a proponent of the idea that it's better to accept a hard truth than a reassuring lie. I think it's easier to just start kids off as atheists from the beginning but since you don't have that option, stripping religion away can be really traumatic.

My step-daughter was raised in a moderately Catholic home (my husband was raised Catholic but now considers himself 'spiritual' if anything) but his ex-wife took her to mass many Sundays. As such, she says prayers and believes in God. Unfortunately she's also moderately autistic and has learning and cognitive disabilities and can't be reasoned with in any sense even though she's 12 years old.

The approach I have with her is that I'm just simply myself and answer questions when asked, and I think that's probably best with any child regardless of the circumstance. If your children want to say prayers, let them. If they start asking you hard questions about your beliefs, answer those openly and honestly. I think when you're coming from a place of faith, the transition seems to be easiest when neither religion nor atheism is forced: you just sort of logically arrive at the conclusion for yourself. I think some ways you can subtly encourage it is to start asking your kids age-appropriate questions on topics that force them to think critically and logically about the world around them, and encourage skepticism. That will help pave the way to question religion on their own terms when they're ready.

At age six, most kids are still naive enough to buy into things like Santa Claus and as such probably never bothered asking introspective and hard-hitting questions about God and the nature of the universe and the afterlife. But that's age-appropriate.

Yeah, what I was thinking was letting my children come to their own conclusions.  I wasn't going to push anything on them.  I remember when I was young and if we didn't go to church I told my parents I would read some of the bible.  I would always start off with genesis and after a couple of passages I would be asleep.  :)

[me23]

Welcome, fellow North Carolinian!  *raises a can of cheerwine in salute*

LOL.  I have always hated cheerwine.  Diet Sun-Drop is my choice of poison.  Well, that mixed with Wild Turkey!!

[me23]

I know how you feel...The fundamentalists in my office are avid "blessers" and when they throw one my way after a sneeze all I can muster is awkward silence as I continue to work.  Probably rude, but I am hypersensitive to any reference to God right  now.  Been an Atheist for less than a year and am adjusting and live too close to the bible belt for my taste so pretty much religion is in your face all day here.  But, Welcome... great to have you here!

Funny, my wife used to like that movie Singles.  Where when Bridget Fonda sneezed and if a guy said bless you that meant he was for her or some shit like that.  Its funny when someone says bless you, I make a point not to say thank you.