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17 year old Ex-Muslim

Started by exmuslim25, March 10, 2016, 08:52:03 PM

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exmuslim25

Hey guys,

I'm a 17 year old living in Canada who has left Islam, and I became an 'agnostic atheist' as of now. I'm going to tell you guys my story in short below:

About 1 year ago, when I was 16, I began having doubts about Islam and these doubts kept building up to the point where I eventually decided to leave Islam. After leaving, I decided I was going to search for the true religion (whether it was Islam or anything else). After a lot more research, I came to the conclusion that there probably is no religion (all of them are man-made) or any God (at least not any God these religions portray); thus I became an 'agnostic atheist'. During this whole process, I trusted my sister, and I told her about me leaving Islam and I made her even promise that she won't tell anyone, especially my parents. However, she ended up breaking my trust and she told my parents. Soon it got to the point where my parents were literally ready to disown me. They kept threatening me that they'd kick me out of the house if I don't come back. And, they were not saying this to just threaten me so that I can come back- they were dead serious about it. So, out of fear of being kicked out of the house, I faked to come back. Now, I feel like complete shit, because I have to lie to my parents every single day. I have to lie to them about praying 5 times a day, etc, etc, etc. Every moment of my life I have to lie to them now. I also feel that I am using them for necessities of life (shelter, food, water, etc.) and for support (for university- which will start this September for me, as I am in Grade 12 right now). On one hand, I want to tell them because I don't want to deceive them any longer (with all these lies), and due to the guilt of 'using them' (for necessities of life and all the support). And, on the other hand, I don't want to tell them, because if I get disowned at the age of 17, my whole life will probably be over. I won't have anywhere to go. My entire family is Muslim, so none of them will help me, hence I'll be completely by myself and screwed.
In this situation, what should I do?

Thank you.

stromboli

Welcome. Tough situation. We will do our best to give you support, sounds like you could use some.

exmuslim25

Hi,

Thanks for the welcome! I definitely am seeking help since this is a VERY tough situation for me. I can't ruin my life by telling my parents as I will 100% (no doubt about this) get disowned and kicked out of the house (at the age of 17)- with no place to go and with my life basically ruined (education at stake, etc.). On the other hand, if I choose to not tell them, I have to be a hypocrite and deceive them every single day of my life. I have to lie to them multiple times each and every day. I feel guilty and more importantly selfish for doing this. I am basically using them for shelter, education support (when I go to uni in a few months), and everything else (finance related, etc.).

Hijiri Byakuren

Lying about your beliefs is something you'll get used to pretty quickly. Trust me, I know.

One thing I do around Christian family members is tell them I'm a deist. It's close enough to the truth that I can say it with a straight face. Not sure how a Muslim family would react, but the point is that you should find an answer that will be palatable to your family and won't make you cringe internally when you say it.

There were a lot of important Muslim scientists back in the centuries before Seljuk, and they were pretty free thinkers by the standards of their time. You could always claim to be drawing inspiration from those early Muslims, should you find yourself in an awkward conversation.
Speak when you have something to say, not when you have to say something.

Sargon The Grape - My Youtube Channel

stromboli

Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on March 10, 2016, 10:31:25 PM
Lying about your beliefs is something you'll get used to pretty quickly. Trust me, I know.

One thing I do around Christian family members is tell them I'm a deist. It's close enough to the truth that I can say it with a straight face. Not sure how a Muslim family would react, but the point is that you should find an answer that will be palatable to your family and won't make you cringe internally when you say it.

There were a lot of important Muslim scientists back in the centuries before Seljuk, and they were pretty free thinkers by the standards of their time. You could always claim to be drawing inspiration from those early Muslims, should you find yourself in an awkward conversation.

I counsel people leaving the Mormon church, which is a cult and can be very stressful. Many lose their entire families, get divorced and even lose their children. I left the church 24 years ago; I speak from experience.

The number one thing to remember is your own safety. You do not owe anything to anyone. Take care of yourself first. If lying or being untruthful in actions and words keeps you from harm or retaliation, it is OK. It might be against your principles, but look at it this way: you are fighting your battles on their turf and under their control. It does you no good to create harmful situations for yourself.

stromboli

Here is a website of other people that have left or are leaving Islam.

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/

pr126

#6
Welcome to the forum.

Indeed, the Quran demands loyalty to Muhammad and his sock puppet Allah before the family which is the sign of a truly totalitarian system.

http://www.citizenwarrior.com/2009/05/terrifying-brilliance-of-islam.html

Quote10. Islam must be your first allegiance. This is a great idea to add to the collection if the goal is world domination. You are a Muslim first, before any allegiance you give to your family, your tribe, or your country.

This does two things: It causes a unity of people across borders which allows the group to grow bigger than any other entity. In other words, the "Nation of Islam" can grow bigger than any country, no matter how large (which gives the group a massive numerical advantage).


Furthermore, the Quran instructs  every Muslim  to kill anyone leaving Islam.

Quran 4:89

They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them.

For those unclear about  Apostasy Laws.

Islam is the ONLY  "religion" cult that demands death for leaving. 

Come and visit Faith Freedom International

Edit

Even if you live in Canada, be careful on the web.
Erase all traces of surfing sites with Ccleaner , just in case (free).





Baruch

Welcome.  I am sorry you have been put in great conflict with your parents and family.  I am sorry your sister blabbed, I hope you can forgive her someday.  Integrity isn't as important as it might seem, but the stress and anxiety is real.  While college is desirable, getting into the work world and living independently sooner, might be better.  Then go back for college after you get out.  Can you cover your situation by being interested in Rumi?
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

SGOS

Your story sounds much like mine.  Except I never said boo to my parents or family.  It never occurred to me.  Perhaps I intuitively understood the likely consequences, or maybe I didn't want to cause conflict, and just failed to bring it up.  It's a pisser that things have to be this way, but I'd tell you to go ahead and lie.  Lie through your teeth.  It's a conflict filled system, but a fucked up system that you did not create.  I would feel no remorse about lying under those circumstances.

Best of luck, and welcome.

AllRight

Welcome and I hope you find what you are looking for here.  Number one- take care of yourself and if that means lying a bit longer so be it.  Maybe once you are off to university and won't see them daily things will be much better for you I hope.

Mr.Obvious

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your troubles.
Any advice i can give Should be taken with a grain of SALT seeing as i've not been in your situation.
While it is important to note you always have a choice, your parents don't seem to have given you a fair one. I would like to say follow your ideals, but that might not put a roof over your head. I'd try to find a way to ease them into it somehow. Working towards that over an elongated time gives them time to adjust and keeps you sane because you have the long term goal of not having to lie to your parents in mind.
"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, requesting 69.

Atheist Mantis does not pray.

Fickle

#11
Exmuslim25
I feel your pain brother, I was born an Engineer and I always knew things most old people could barely comprehend. I hid my beliefs from others not unlike you may to fit in trying to act stupid to accommodate them and their beliefs. It's really tough being young, it truly is but being honest at this point is not the answer any parent wants to hear. We think your our little angels listening to every word we say, we love you unconditionally as long as you obey us, lol.

To be honest I knew what my parents were thinking before they did and it was kind of embarrassing for me. So I let it ride, I didn't force my beliefs on them and I listened to what they had to say. Parents are awesome and I hope they love you as much as you love them, it's a two way street. True honesty is vastly overrate and it tends to destroy relationships because we shouldn't tell everyone what were really thinking because it's tends to really piss them off.

Let it ride, go with the flow until you move out and then your life will be the life you choose to live. As I said parents are awesome but we can't live with them forever and at some point we have to grow up and be are ourselves. It is quite natural to think your parents are insane because they are ...all kids do, such is life.

Some day when you have kids all of this will make perfect sense and they will be thinking the same of you my friend. Word of advice on the sister/brother thing, no they cannot keep a secret obviously and they always blab it to someone else not unlike your future wife and mine and everyone's.

Divina

Wow. This is so sad. I almost cried reading this. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Bluewind

Welcome. I'm glad to find you here and hope you took the suggestion to clear your tracks to be on the safe side. I must ask, other than fearing losing your family, are you afraid? Will your safety be compromised if they find out from either your parents, your family, or your community? You must do everything in your power to stay safe.

Don't be ashamed of lying. It must be done for now. You are not mooching. They are your parents and you are a minor. The lies are to protect you and not because you're selfish. For all you know, they could send you off to a camp or worse, so lying is a necessity. Unless you have a scholarship or can go to a college far away from your parents in a place you feel safe, put off college if you can so you can get a job and start saving money. The day may come when you want or need to leave and you will need a way to support yourself. You also need a plan for what to do if you leave or they somehow find out. There are a lot of smart experienced people here who can help you with that or direct you to people who can. All I can do is listen and be a shoulder or an ear when you need it, but when you feel trapped and suffocated sometimes those things can help ease the strain.
There is beauty in a finite life.

Pipu.Diiding

Hi there..

I was brought up in a Muslim family as well. But I ran out before I even knew Islam was a lie. I left with only a few pieces of clothing and a couple of dollars. Where I stay, they have govenrment establishments who help people who has family issues. Maybe you would wanna try consulting some government people about your issue and see what they say about it.
We must question the logic of having an all-knowing/powerful God, who creates faulty humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.