How Can I Get Through Next Month and Not Kill My Xmas Dork Neighbor?

[peacewithoutgod]

I returned home after a stressful Thanksgiving with family (parents failing health, immature and noisy children) and 15 hours on the road. As I backed into my driveway exhausted, I feared I may have been hallucinating, although such a case would be the first with me and I had done no stronger drugs than caffeine and nicotine to stay awake for the drive. I then nearly fell out of my car in a rage - my neighbor has always been over-the top for Xmas with the whole fuckhead fantasy on his front lawn - lighted, goofy cartoon balloon figures, lights, and dancing lazers. Combined, they burn more power than the local airport!

It's what I heard that stunned me - it sounded like a damned carnival going on next door! Then I realized it was Xmas music blaring from his house, or maybe it was that box in the center of his front lawn which seemed to be twitching to the rhythm of the crap being played. Mostly Buddy Holly and Brenda Lee, that sort of awful, much-overplayed garbage, and the traditional carols weren't any better. Inside my house, I could hear it through my wall, although very faintly until about 9:00 (wasn't sure he'd be smart enough to kill it by then, and it would have been a problem where my bed is located), but if I'm going to have to hear this shit all day on weekends while I'm trying to get things done outside, or every time I go out in my driveway, I really don't know if I"ll be able to stay civil! At least I haven't noticed the Christard nativity fantasy on display, but an egotard is irritating no matter what the egotard fancies.

I can't be sure whether this dancing box of holiday asshole tunes was jury-rigged, or if it's a commercially available product, but if the latter and you've seen it, and have information about it I'd appreciate your assistance so that I can start a campaign to have them silenced in neighborhoods with an anti-noise pollution law.

[Baruch]

Tim the tool man.  More power!  Is your name ... Wilson?  Why can't we see the lower half of your face?

[TomFoolery]

It's hard to be the person who calls the cops for too much Christmas music. It's about the fastest way to get labelled a Grade A asshole. As someone who has always tried my best to avoid Christmas festivities, I always empathized with the neighbors in Christmas vacation.

Do they have dogs? Hook a dog whistle up to an air compressor. If not, find some of the most egregious dirty south rap you can find and put that shit on blast in equal volume.

At worst, they stop... At best, you get to hear a mashup of Bing Crosby and Screwed Up Click.

[peacewithoutgod]

It's hard to be the person who calls the cops for too much Christmas music. It's about the fastest way to get labelled a Grade A asshole. As someone who has always tried my best to avoid Christmas festivities, I always empathized with the neighbors in Christmas vacation.

Do they have dogs? Hook a dog whistle up to an air compressor. If not, find some of the most egregious dirty south rap you can find and put that shit on blast in equal volume.

At worst, they stop... At best, you get to hear a mashup of Bing Crosby and Screwed Up Click.

Screwed Up Click?

EDIT:
Oh, rap! Now, why would I want to play that shit to annoy a Millenial, who probably likes that shit? If I go that route, I'll be blasting the most disturbing heavy metal I can find.

But I really do like the dog whistle idea!

[TomFoolery]

Screwed Up Click?

Exactly.

[peacewithoutgod]

Tim the tool man.  More power!  Is your name ... Wilson?  Why can't be see the lower half of your face?

I always hated Tim Allen, the ultimate brash and annoying asshole, and the worst of all bullies with his hapless sidekick. Any show which relies entirely on beating other people up for only the weakest jokes deserves to fester in the shitter of showbiz history, as do the careers of those like Allen who write such crap (Steve Martin he deservedly never was). I always empathized with Wilson, the peaceful and mature neighbor who was remarkably tolerant of Allen when he wanted to shoot the fucker. Not that I consider it cool to be peeping over fences, but he also played the idiot Allen's mentor in situations which only he could find his way into.

[gentle_dissident]

Didn't watch Tool Time. Love all 3 Toy Story movies and Galaxy Quest. Tim Allen's Emperor Zurg speech is my ringtone. I don't like most rap. I can handle some Kid Rock if there are no girls around to get offended. I don't like most metal either. I can't stand noise pollution. However, in the spirit of Yule, here's some fire to fight the fire.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uht5c0RXw40
Make your neighbor call the cops 1st.

[aitm]

Pellet guns/BBguns are relatively quiet and can put out speakers…….. now you could also take a 22 rifle, and couple it with a standard four inch pop up sprinkler from Home Depot for 5 bucks. Unscrew the top and remove the guts, drill some small holes in the side of the sprinkler body, take a small piece of rubber like a piece of bicycle inner tube and put it over the large end but not so much that you can't  screw the cover on. Pop off a couple shots out somewhere remote to open a hole in the rubber. Come back, put a little ballon over the end of the barrel, then using a 1/2 CPVC coupling attach the pop-up sprinkler to the end of the rifle barrel, (hello obvious) and when the music gets loud pop a round into the stereo…..or if a real dick head……..well…lots of fun things you can do, but I like to wait for a nice thunderstorm to make the "enemies" realize how god is upset with them….

[Gawdzilla Sama]

It's hard to be the person who calls the cops for too much Christmas music.

No it's not. You just dial and report a disturbance of the peace. Going jelly-spined because it's a holiday leaves one suffering from undue annoyance without recourse.