Best Way to Keep the Jehovah's Witnesses Away and Other Texas Resident Problems

[Mike Cl]

I feel like it has to be a joke, but it's pretty indicative of the kind of place I live in. It's a military town (Fort Hood is in Killeen) and even though I live in a relatively good neighborhood, the first week I was here, the neighbors who live behind me shot a rap video on the roof of their house on a Thursday night. As I already pointed out, my next door neighbor is Joan of Arc religious, and every 50 feet there are billboards for Jesus, which is a curious juxtaposition when almost literally every street in this town has at least one liquor store, gun store, pawn shop, tattoo parlor, payday loan outfit, car dealership and bail bondsman's office.

Anyway, I don't know how the statistics are collected, but apparently my odds of being the victim of a crime here are like 1 in 173, whereas the state average is 1 in 245.
http://www.neighborhoodscout.com/tx/killeen/crime/

Ah, yes, Killeen.  Aptly named, apparently.  Maybe you can get some really big guns from the fort?? :)) 

[Baruch]

Once the MIC fully takes over ... every town will be like Killeen TX ... and like the town I live in ;-)  All the citizens will drive Humvees and all the troops will drive Abrams tanks ... for self protection ;-)

[TomFoolery]

I know this is an old topic, but it seemed relevant.

The Baptists came calling and like idiots who couldn't read the signs posted that say "No soliciting" and "Beware of dog" they rang the doorbell. Naturally my lab mix starts going nuts and I make the mistake of answering the door because I'm expecting FedEx. About 30 seconds into her speech, she trails off because I'm physically straining to hold my dog back and remarks, "Aw, he's so protective of you." I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, which was, "Naw, he's just a Buddhist."

[aitm]

I met a guy this week who is from Lebanon, family is Muslim but he dumped it years ago. We had a conversation about JW and he says he put a sign on his door that says, "Odin is the only true God. Don't fuck with me, I have a large basement." So far no takers….I laughed.

[gentle_dissident]

I just tell them I'm an atheist and close the door. I once tried to discourage the door knockers from visiting the neighborhood by telling them we're a protective bunch. I lied. I don't even know my neighbors. My neighbor across the street has invited in the Mormons. Maybe it will inspire the couple with kids to stop being jerks to each other at least in their driveway.

[Mr.Obvious]

When mankind's conventions fail, i always find it worthwhile to look into The animal kingdomn for appropriate responses.
For example, have you tried flinging your feaces at them? You'd be amazed at what predicaments that's helped me out of.

[SGOS]

Anyway, I want to hang a sign on my door that says "Satan's house of worship" but my husband is a fan of the more subtle "No soliciting" sign. Any ideas?

Nope, I'm sorry I can't be of help, but that was a funny story.

[Unbeliever]

Get a really big dog, and a sigh saying "All solicitors, preachers and sellers answer to bubbles"

I'd name the dog God, so they can have a sign that says "Beware of God."

:1rij: :1rij:

[Munch]

Another way is to buy a lifelike corpse, or have it made up, and hang it inside the front door or side window facing out, also tell the local sheriff or police station it's a prank.

[widdershins]

I've spent the last two weeks moving back to Texas. It's like 1000 degree here, so 45 minutes after having the power turned on, we were laying prone in the empty living room soaked with sweat and debating about unpacking the truck when the doorbell rang.

Jehovah's witnesses! Packing tracts titled things like "Can the dead really live again?" About an hour after we shooed those guys away, our next door neighbor comes over to introduce himself, which is cool, but his next line after "Hi, are you the new neighbors?" is "Well, today is Saturday, have you found a church to attend already?" and cue half an hour of why First Baptist Blah Blah Blah has the pews we want to be parking our behinds in come tomorrow morning.

Yeah, as if the mortal peril of forgoing even a single Sunday due to moving 1300 miles across the country is too great to even discuss. Fuck my life. If I believed in Hell, this would be it. It certainly feels like it, since it's 10:00 in the morning and even with the air conditioning on, I have sweat stains forming on my shirt.

Anyway, I want to hang a sign on my door that says "Satan's house of worship" but my husband is a fan of the more subtle "No soliciting" sign. Any ideas?

Answer the door naked.  Invite them in.