What is the single most stupid, batshit story in the Bible?

[peacewithoutgod]

we as peasants will never know how god came about, even after death I believe, so get used to that idea because we all have eternity ahead of us. will yours be bliss or torment?   
but I ask of everyone to open up their eyes and understand that when we look up to the heavens  we are looking trillions of miles away and beyond, for you can never look farther away than looking up! and open your eyes to relies that if our bodies didn't contain a soul than any man could be revived after death with new parts just like we can do any vehicle, that it is our everlasting soul that ignites are engine and makes us "Alive". realize That many humans out here have been blessed with actually seeing evil and good at work. Anton levy even admits that all other religions besides Christianity,  are just a branch of Satanism , realize that all the things you see are less real than the current unseen to us. A matter a fact to quote Neils Bohr a highly regarded scientist " everything we call real is made up of things that cant be regarded as real" that's a fact. Realize over 2500 bible prophecies have been fulfilled and counting everyday! Understand that even Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding were created! and  the spirit wisdom was created even before the depths! understand that Lucifer even deceived 1/3 of the angels of heaven during he's fall Angels that were in heaven! and how do you think so highly of your self to think you haven't been deceived. the bible says the people of the end times will be lovers of self. that they also will call good evil and evil good. no we see the gay marriage coming into affect, which I believe could be the abomination OF DESOULATION THAT WILL BE SET UP IN THE END TIMES.  that will mark the start of the end. Blessed is he who believes without seeing.
Mark my Words Obama will be the last president of the united states, and you WILL SEE JESUS RETURN, and you will see the anti Christ rule unless your are going to be one of the very very many that are going to die in the very very near future. worldwide a" ELE" as the call it. this is my last message of tonight get right and EITHER WAY YOU CHOOSE,CHOOSE YE THESE DAY WHO YE WILL SERVE! Jesus is the savior of mankind period! do all the research you want, pray tonight and see! Now: God my Holy Father I Jesse ask that you please forgive me of all my awful sins that only you god know that I have committed, and I ask you lord that you have mercy on my soul father and lord god I ask you give all the men off this webpage a second chance father to except you and understand today they have heard the truth. I ask father that you bless these men that are not too far gone with a sign that your are willing to love them as you always have, and to open there shallow minds father to see farther than their senses tells them. I thank you Lord God in the name of Jesus Amen. I Love you Father Amen

Hollowed be thy name, almighty and most righteous

[Hakurei Reimu]

Mark my Words Obama will be the last president of the united states, and you WILL SEE JESUS RETURN, and you will see the anti Christ rule unless your are going to be one of the very very many that are going to die in the very very near future. worldwide a" ELE" as the call it. this is my last message of tonight get right and EITHER WAY YOU CHOOSE,CHOOSE YE THESE DAY WHO YE WILL SERVE! Jesus is the savior of mankind period! do all the research you want, pray tonight and see! Now: God my Holy Father I Jesse ask that you please forgive me of all my awful sins that only you god know that I have committed, and I ask you lord that you have mercy on my soul father and lord god I ask you give all the men off this webpage a second chance father to except you and understand today they have heard the truth. I ask father that you bless these men that are not too far gone with a sign that your are willing to love them as you always have, and to open there shallow minds father to see farther than their senses tells them. I thank you Lord God in the name of Jesus Amen. I Love you Father Amen

If you are wrong, you promise to bake a batch of cookies for us in apology?

[aitm]

I Jesse ask that you please forgive me of all my awful sins

ahh…another priest.

[1liesalot]

Not one piece of history in the bible can be disproven, that is the only fact here hahaha.

Spoken by someone who clearly hasn't read it.

[1liesalot]

Does anyone know what the fuck "They are like dogs returning to their vomit" is supposed to fucking mean? It is the bible's take on "scoffers" apparently but I don't know what it means.

[josephpalazzo]

The Holy Bible and the reference to God breathing the bible is just a phrase hoping to exercise the imagination, God spoke the bible to chosen prophets.

Sent from my SGH-T399N using Tapatalk

You have a right to your religious beliefs, and I have the right to call your religious beliefs a pile of bullshit.

Have a nice day.

[Mike Cl]

Does anyone know what the fuck "They are like dogs returning to their vomit" is supposed to fucking mean? It is the bible's take on "scoffers" apparently but I don't know what it means.

I have seen dogs throw up and then re-eat what they just threw up.  Humans usually throw up and then clean it up or bury it.  So, it would seem to mean that these people are so sick that they throw up their own sick ideas, look at those ideas and then eat them (continue to believe those obviously sick ideas) again.  They don't see what is good and wholesome; they don't embrace what is good for them, but continue to believe what makes them sick.

Which is ironic, for that is how I view the fundamental of every religion.

[Goon]

Noah's Ark is so ridiculous you should get institutionalized for saying you believe it happened. I'm not disrespecting people with mental health disorders. I'm grouping them together. lol

[Baruch]

Great Flood myths are common to every culture ... even if the actual inspirations were less than global in scope.  The explosion of Santorini for example circa 1600 BCE, caused quite a tsunami.  The probable inspiration for the Biblical version, has to be run past the fact that Mt Ararat has been several mountains in history.  Originally it was a smallish mountain in SE Turkey near to the Tigris river source.  The much higher mountain, in the Caucasus, got that borrowed name once geography progressed, and it was necessary to re-consider shrines or pilgrimages to a much lower mountain vs a more plausible one ;-)

On the other hand, the Ark is a metaphor, also reused in Revelations ... where it takes the form of a gold encrusted giant cube, like a luxury Borg ship ;-))

[1liesalot]

Read the following and tell me it does not freak you the fuck out. What does it even mean?

Revelation 4:8

Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,' who was, and is, and is to come.

[1liesalot]

I have seen dogs throw up and then re-eat what they just threw up.  Humans usually throw up and then clean it up or bury it.  So, it would seem to mean that these people are so sick that they throw up their own sick ideas, look at those ideas and then eat them (continue to believe those obviously sick ideas) again.  They don't see what is good and wholesome; they don't embrace what is good for them, but continue to believe what makes them sick.

Which is ironic, for that is how I view the fundamental of every religion.

Very disturbing.

[Baruch]

Read the following and tell me it does not freak you the fuck out. What does it even mean?

Revelation 4:8

Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,' who was, and is, and is to come.

It means the author borrowed from the vision in Ezekiel.  Which is to say, even without other evidence, that this work, the original Jewish version ... is a work of the Maaseh Merkavah (Work of the Chariot) school of Kabbalah.  The Gospels are taken from the other school of Kabbalah, Maaseh Bereshit (Work of Beginning), which is based on Genesis.

The angels that the Christians portray, are pagan Greco-Roman deities, not Jewish divine messengers (Malakim, not Angeloi).

[TopCat]

It's OK to own and beat slaves as long as they don't die
Should a slave owner strikes a male or female slave with a rod, and the slave dies immediately, the owner shall surely be punished. But if the slave survives a day or two, there shall be no punishment; for the slave is the owner’s property. Exodus 20:20-21.

A rapist marrying his victim.
If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.Deuteronomy 22:28-29

[Baruch]

Good news: Society used to be brutal and primitive
Bad news: Society is still brutal and primitive

Warning: If the G-d you claim to worship, is a G-d you like, you are probably worshipping yourself.

[josephpalazzo]

Good news: Society used to be brutal and primitive
Bad news: Society is still brutal and primitive, and with technology, more efficient.

Warning: If the G-d you claim to worship, is a G-d you like, you are probably worshipping yourself.

FIFY