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Tests Show Communion Wafers Contain 0% Jesus DNA

Started by stromboli, March 03, 2013, 09:11:12 PM

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stromboli

http://newsthump.com/2013/03/03/vatican ... -0-christ/

QuoteThe Vatican is this morning facing a further crisis after routine DNA tests revealed that the communion wafers used in Sunday mass contain 0% of the body and blood of Christ.

The findings are sure to pile further pressure on the ailing religious organisation, just days after their Chief Executive resigned citing 'personal reasons' and 'being a bit old'.

The news will concern billions of Catholic consumers, previously led to believe they were consuming Christ himself each Sunday morning.

Catholic Simon Williams told us, "So what have I been eating all these years? It's not bloody horse is it?"

"With the amount of cash I'm encouraged to put in the collection plate I can't believe they're scrimping on the ingredients."

"You'll be telling me next that the stuff they dip the wafer in isn't actually blood."

Catholic crisis

A spokesperson for the Vatican explained that the DNA test results merely highlight the incompatibility of science and religion.

They told us, "Where is your faith that the wafer is the body of Christ? Science can't tell you everything, and just as it can't prove God doesn't exist, it can't prove the wafer ISN'T the body of Christ."

"Oh, it has? Right. Well, there's probably something in the Bible about that. I'll have to go and look."

The lies never end.

aitm

Thats funny, we should send that to faux news.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

AllPurposeAtheist

I suspect grape juice and grape flavored koolaid contain no Jesus DNA as well. I demand an investigation! :evil:
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Zatoichi

Science can't tell you everything.

For instance, things that aren't true.

Yep, science does nothing to address those things so let's trow it out in favor of modes of thinking that are more inclusive of bullshit.   :rollin:
"If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it." ~Skippy's List