Favorite God jokes? God's facebook page, Genesis edition

Started by emilynghiem, February 16, 2015, 02:23:25 PM

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aitm

So God says, "Hey looky here, I created the entire universe just wit my mind dudes...but like, if you got iron wheels on your chariots, ya got me fucked...seriously man, don't do that"..LOLOLOL that god dude is a cut-up.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

aitm

So God says, "Looky here, ya'll go over and fuck them emiliets, or jessilite or whoever the fuck they are, just get rid of em kay? Kill em all, take the babies and smash their heads against the rocks and take the little girls for yourselfs" -LOLOL man that god dude is a badass mother fucker..LOLOL.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

aitm

So Jesus says, "Hey looky here, in dis life I am mother fuckin shephard, ain't had a bath in a month a sunday LOLOL, ya know what I mean, ain't had a decent meal in weeks, but hey listen up, Ima gonna get fucked up fer sure and die, but looky man, Ima gonna become a fuckin god, I mean a mother fucking GOD. WOW.. I get all the damn bitches I want man.......but hey listen up...tell everyone that  I sacrificed myself, cause you know, we don't want them to think about it as an upgrade eh? LOLOLOL crazy bitches...have a good night" LOLOL that jesus dude was cool man.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

aitm

So Jesus says, " Hey looky here, ima gonna get fucked up fer sure and die, but hey, rest assured that before all of you die, I will come back, so be ready, and don't do no stupid shit because Ima come right back. Got that dudes?"  and they waited and waited until they all died and then their children still waited...LOLOL that jesus dude was a ball buster..LOLOL
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

emilynghiem

RE:
By the way, you need to give links to your sources. It is a legal thing. Failure to do so will get you kicked off of here.

Hi Stromboli and PickelledEggs
Can you please flag to me which posts I need to post sources for?
I was on other sites that kept deleting links out, saying that is "promoting other sites"

How do I go back and edit those back in?
Or do I need to delete the posts altogether? Please flag which ones and where links/sources are missing?

Thanks and sorry for being a newbie. I usually get in trouble for putting links, not leaving them out!
God is no thing

stromboli

Quote from: emilynghiem on February 17, 2015, 02:03:35 PM
Hi stromboli, well so much for a joke thread which people decided to take seriously!

Since Jesus represents the process of Justice,
SURE you can say Justice has never existed or proven to exist.
And I cannot argue with that, because nobody I know has seen proof of Justice.

yet it is emblazoned on the Supreme Court building of the secular US govt
"Equal Justice Under Law"

So I challenge you: if you are going to get rid of anything that isn't proven to
exist, like Jesus, then I will join you in a petition to REMOVE
the mention of JUSTICE from every place it is mentioned in
US govt documents since this has NEVER been proven to exist
and is FAITH BASED.

It is on the Houston police mission dept seal
"ORDER THROUGH LAW, JUSTICE WITH MERCY"

Justice with Mercy is the meaning of Christianity.
So that is faith based also, and should be removed
instead of promoting a religion, don't you agree?

Now that the serious stuff is over with, can we get back to the jokes.
I wanted to see what people consider funny over here, how dark or how light you like your comedy.



Justice and mercy have nothing to do with Jesus and were concepts in place long before Jesus or  messiah were even prophecied.

http://www.aapl.org/newsletter/n242hist_justice.htm

QuoteJustice as we know it dates back to sixth century B.C. Athens with the genius of Solon. Poet, philosopher, soldier, merchant, practical economist as well as social critic he came to power in revolutionary times with a mission to put an end to the cycles of retaliatory violence that had plagued Greece for centuries. Athens wanted peace and order, and turned to the man who had communicated his vision of social order and the need for justice through his poetry.

Solon laid the foundation for a democratic system of justice through the first of a series of constitutions that gave birth to democracy. He instituted changes and established a legal code thate brokered a non-violent social revolution and transformed the passion for vengeance into a justice system. This system was based on rule of and equality before the law, a redistribution of power through law, and resolution of conflict through a public court system with juries of peers in an adversarial process before the presiding judge. Religion was separated from the administration of justice for the first time in human history. Solon converted private revenge into public justice. He harnessed wild justice and made it a central part of democracy.

The beginnings of justice, democracy and a state of order controlled by the people and not a king or despot comes from the Greeks, well before the time of Christ. all of the rulers of Judea were kings. Paul in the New Testament speaks of obeying the rulers of the day, but Paul was a Roman and living under Roman law. The Jews were continually rebelling against Roman law. The Christ of the bible is a manufactured deity created more by the Romans than the Jews; Jews even today reject Jesus as a Messiah because he doesn't fit any of the prophecies and what he was supposed to accomplish on earth.

We are scholars. You are clueless about everything. Do some actual research. We can tear any idea or argument you have apart.

emilynghiem

Quote from: aitm on February 17, 2015, 02:14:17 PM
So God says, "Hey looky here, I created the entire universe just wit my mind dudes...but like, if you got iron wheels on your chariots, ya got me fucked...seriously man, don't do that"..LOLOLOL that god dude is a cut-up.

^ reminds me of LOL cats crossed with Grumpy Cat ? ^
God is no thing

emilynghiem

Quote from: stromboli on February 17, 2015, 02:29:50 PM
Justice and mercy have nothing to do with Jesus and were concepts in place long before Jesus or  messiah were even prophecied.

BINGO this aligns with the Biblical teaching that Jesus was always in heaven with God long before incarnation on earth.

Can you show me any proof that Justice exists that isn't faith-based?

Please cite sources, as needed for your scholarly and academic requirements.
God is no thing

stromboli

Oh stop it. You are at best annoying and at worst a troll. Go away unless you can come up with something worth talking about.

emilynghiem

Quote from: stromboli on February 17, 2015, 03:21:45 PM
Oh stop it. You are at best annoying and at worst a troll. Go away unless you can come up with something worth talking about.

How about a consensus on God and Jesus, by agreeing that Jesus represents Justice.
And stopping all slamming between theists and nontheists by agreeing on this meaning.
Would that be cool to call a truce?
God is no thing

PickelledEggs

Quote from: emilynghiem on February 17, 2015, 02:27:33 PM
RE:
By the way, you need to give links to your sources. It is a legal thing. Failure to do so will get you kicked off of here.

Hi Stromboli and PickelledEggs
Can you please flag to me which posts I need to post sources for?
I was on other sites that kept deleting links out, saying that is "promoting other sites"

How do I go back and edit those back in?
Or do I need to delete the posts altogether? Please flag which ones and where links/sources are missing?

Thanks and sorry for being a newbie. I usually get in trouble for putting links, not leaving them out!

How about you start by giving yourself a proper intro. You are now down from 11 posts left to 4 (or less) before I can you.

If you really want to try and source something. There is a modify button. You can change your post to whatever you want.

aitm

Quote from: emilynghiem on February 17, 2015, 03:49:03 PM
How about a consensus on God and Jesus,
Sure, we all agree they are made up. Evidence overwhelming agrees. How about you admitting that you have absolutely NOTHING but fairy tales and made up stories about your position?
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

stromboli

Jesus doesn't represent anything but a mythical god invented by controlling politicians.

Unbeliever

God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Hydra009

Quote from: emilynghiem on February 17, 2015, 03:49:03 PM
How about a consensus on God and Jesus, by agreeing that Jesus represents Justice.
And stopping all slamming between theists and nontheists by agreeing on this meaning.
Would that be cool to call a truce?
That seems a lot less like a truce and a lot more like rubber stamping Christians' conception of Jesus.  Soo...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lITBGjNEp08