Paternal Instinct

[Aletheia]

Maternal instinct in society is usually taken for granted while paternal instinct is often looked upon with skepticism. However, there are plenty of women who lack maternal instinct and make for terrible mothers, but such women are considered exceptions to the rule. Whenever an example of paternal instinct is provided, people feel a need to pause, as though they're watching something rare, and therefore view paternal instinct as an exception to the rule and not the other way around.

This skewed view, although not shared by everyone (of course), does tend to cloud many issues - such as custody of children in divorces, adoptions, and child abuse cases where the mother is suspected of abuse. Expounded upon further into "nurturing" outside of the family, men may not be necessarily excluded from roles in society, but are often assumed to be a poor fit. Such roles or occupations might include daycare, nursing, pediatrics, social worker, mental health care provider (any position other than psychiatrist), hospice, etc.

I'm intrigued by such notions. My hypothesis is that men can be particularly nurturing and do have a paternal instinct to care for their own children, and in varying degrees (depending on the person) have a desire to help others from young children and/or the incredibly frail to those who are generally obstinate and offer little satisfaction in helping them (like alzheimer's patients, difficult mentally ill clients, juvenile delinquents, repeat offenders in rehabilitation... etc).

If you'd like to participate in this little experiment, which is intended more for amusement than being an end-all conclusion on any particular debate, please feel free to post news, anecdotal evidence, and science references which demonstrate the "paternal instinct" in its many forms. I think it'd be refreshing to see more of the caring from the other half of the species.

Today, I found this bit of news:

WIFE LEAVES HUSBAND WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP NEWBORN SON WITH DOWN SYNDROME

[dtq123]

http://www.indystar.com/story/opinion/2015/02/05/fathers-world-war-ii-cap-inspires-magic/22922661/

"It could be magic."

[dtq123]

http://www.southbendtribune.com/entertainment/inthebend/eventnews/lasansky-exhibit-highlights-father-s-influence/article_73e9f9a3-08c0-5af8-93ab-99d119656769.html

A father's influence can change a whole lot in art, I don't know if for better though.

[aitm]

I am afraid I fall into those that believe paternal "instinct" is not instinct but an adopted desire. I never wanted children because I fully believed I could easily kill the little one because I cannot cope with the pitches of their voices, it drove me bonkers. I do not think I was a very good father, but I was smart enough to walk out of the house and let her scream until she stopped. Many men do or cannot understand that they cannot handle this because we are not inherently built to be a nurturing father. Too many kids are killed because too many fathers are too damn young. The pitch of an infants scream rips at my spine and tears me right from my ass to the top of my head and I want it to stop immediately. Seriously, if my kid was born even a few years earlier, I would have killed her. No doubt in my mind. Try not to push young men into being fathers before they can handle it, it ends badly.

[stromboli]

I can speak to that. I raised 3 kids while going through the process of leaving the Mormon religion and dragging them through Christianity to all of us becoming atheists. There have been a lot of trials along the way, but that is how it goes. Today I picked my youngest son up from the hospital after back surgery and took him to fill prescriptions. My family will soon be spread across 3 states, but we are connected and there is no question about the bond between us. My 2 grandsons in Colorado call me occasionally for advice, 600 miles away. I would give my life for them all or even kill for them.

Got another grand baby, our first girl, number five, due in April. The grand kids, all of them, are interchangeable from one parent to the other; they play with each other and are more brothers than cousins, age differences not withstanding. Grew up in a family with under harsh circumstances and poverty. My father was nonexistent. When I got married I made the promise to always be there for them and I have. Sent one son off to war 3 times and lived through the day by day worry of whether he was okay or not, been there for the birth of all three children and all of our grand kids. I am dad and grandpa, and couldn't be prouder or more grateful.

[dtq123]

Try not to push young men into being fathers before they can handle it, it ends badly.

Point taken. At fifteen now I am way to young.

[dtq123]

My father was nonexistent.

Test tube baby? Finally!

[dtq123]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/taiwan/11391685/Father-saved-his-baby-son-from-TransAsia-crash-with-CPR.html

Possible Headline: Fatherly instinct gives father CPR skills!

[stromboli]

Test tube baby? Finally!

My father was too sick from being gassed 7 times in France in WW1 to hold down a job. He left the family in Utah and went to Mexico or New Mexico for the winters. My last name is Young. I am descended from Brigham Young. The Young family had a lot of power and effectively forced my mother to stay married to him, even though he was nonexistent as a father. Long story, bro. Way before test tubes.

[Aletheia]

I am afraid I fall into those that believe paternal "instinct" is not instinct but an adopted desire. I never wanted children because I fully believed I could easily kill the little one because I cannot cope with the pitches of their voices, it drove me bonkers. I do not think I was a very good father, but I was smart enough to walk out of the house and let her scream until she stopped. Many men do or cannot understand that they cannot handle this because we are not inherently built to be a nurturing father. Too many kids are killed because too many fathers are too damn young. The pitch of an infants scream rips at my spine and tears me right from my ass to the top of my head and I want it to stop immediately. Seriously, if my kid was born even a few years earlier, I would have killed her. No doubt in my mind. Try not to push young men into being fathers before they can handle it, it ends badly.

I'm not inclined to say that paternal instinct doesn't exist, but more in favor of the idea that it is not distributed evenly from one individual to another. There have been plenty of cases of teenage mothers injuring their children due to lack of mental/emotional maturity - they can't cope with the crying, the intense commitment, lack of sleep, and complete radical change to their life. I would imagine, much of the same happens for men - although when men on average are mature enough to handle such things, I'm not sure. I wouldn't recommend parenthood for anyone in their teens, and I'm still skeptical about parents in their early twenties.

I had declined parenthood because I noticed I didn't feel any meaningful connection with children beyond something more akin to a scientific curiosity. Sadly, I find that dogs elicit more of a "maternal instinct" in me than children do. A baby's cry brings me to the brink of rage in 0-60 in a matter of seconds and I barely recognize them as human, let alone "cute" or "precious." They strike me as deformed - so millions of years of evolution intended to make babies seem cute has been wasted on me. However, I don't take my personal experience to mean that most other women must lack maternal instinct as well.

This post isn't intended to encourage men to rush out and become fathers, only to show that men have the capacity to display paternal affection directly in the case of family and vaguely in terms of being nurturing towards others.

[stromboli]

Lol. I hear a baby cry I want to go pick it up and comfort it.