New here - Believe in god, can't stop - Help

[dylansdad]

Look, sorry to be a downer.  I grew up in a household of people who believed in god, but we weren't church-going, bible-thumpers (no offense).  I grew up believing in god, but my logical side keeps helping me realize that if there's a god, there's no way he's the god that churches tell me he is.  He's more of that WBC god that hates everyone and wants to see us suffer (or at least me anyway).

Basically, my high school years were hell.  My early 20's were spent suffering.  My 30's were pretty good, just suffered from a chronic illness, as well as having a wife and son who suffer from illness as well (all three of us have different, serious, expensive illnesses).  Now for my 40's, I get start over at the very beginning.  Now, I'm hoping to hang onto my current career until I can find something new.  If my health insurance ever lapses, that'll leave all three of us with pre-existing conditions and no chance for getting health insurance.  

So, basically, my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky.  My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."  

Anyone else struggle with this?

[the_antithesis]

What's a god?

[Mister Agenda]

I feel for you. I wouldn't add worrying over whether you should believe in God to your list of things to worry about. Your remnants of belief will fade over time or not, nothing you can do about it.

[SGOS]

my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky.  My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."  

Anyone else struggle with this?

No.  My issue is not whether he loves me or hates me.  It's whether he exists.  Here's my reasoning.  I don't know there is no god.  I just don't have a belief in one because there is no evidence.  I'm not going to spend an ounce of energy on determining his exact nature if I have no evidence to tell me he exists in the first place.

[Brian37]

Look, sorry to be a downer.  I grew up in a household of people who believed in god, but we weren't church-going, bible-thumpers (no offense).  I grew up believing in god, but my logical side keeps helping me realize that if there's a god, there's no way he's the god that churches tell me he is.  He's more of that WBC god that hates everyone and wants to see us suffer (or at least me anyway).

Basically, my high school years were hell.  My early 20's were spent suffering.  My 30's were pretty good, just suffered from a chronic illness, as well as having a wife and son who suffer from illness as well (all three of us have different, serious, expensive illnesses).  Now for my 40's, I get start over at the very beginning.  Now, I'm hoping to hang onto my current career until I can find something new.  If my health insurance ever lapses, that'll leave all three of us with pre-existing conditions and no chance for getting health insurance.  

So, basically, my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky.  My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."  

Anyone else struggle with this?

Look if you are serious, because we DO get poes here, But IF this is a serious post.

Your emotions are do to a lifetime of others scaring the shit out of you and fear of rejection because of doubting social norms. Many of us when what you are going through, you are not alone. But you can get over that over time.

God cant hate you anymore than Mickey Mouse or Lex Luthor or Allah can. How can something clearly fictional hate you? What you should hate is that you got poisoned with that fear mongering.

I can remember the first time I sought out other atheists online. I feared judgment if others found out what I was doing, and I wondered if I was joining some sort of lawless cult. But it only took me a couple of days to realize all the fear of atheists was just bullshit.

You'll get over it in time. You got sold a bill of goods and you linger because of what others poisoned your mind with.

[dylansdad]

I don't know what a "poes" is.

Going to college at a Catholic university is enough for anyone to understand that there's no god.  I'm having a really rough year so far.  And I find myself when I'm alone looking up at the sky and saying, "I hate you, too."  I really don't get my reaction.

I don't see logically how a god can exist.  But some times I wonder if my non-believe isn't what I really feel in my heart.  And that if I have drawn a logical deduction based on an emotional feeling of abandonment from some pie in the sky fantasy.  

Look, there was a time in my life when I didn't believe in Santa Claus, but I hoped he really did exist and I really hoped that he was gonna come down the chimney with a bag full of toys.  And I get that there's no god and he's not coming with an eternal bliss of servitude.  But I don't understand my reaction in bad times to place the blame on god.  Transference, maybe?

I was just curious if I was alone.  Apparently, I am.

....You got sold a bill of goods and you linger because of what others poisoned your mind with.

Thanks for the response.

[Davka]

I don't know what a "poes" is.

Poe's Law

Atheists online reference this law regularly. Essentially it says that it's impossible to tell the difference between a true fanatic and a parody of a fanatic.

I was just curious if I was alone.  Apparently, I am.

No, you're not. What you describe is very common among people who are in the process of shedding their faith. I went through similar thoughts myself a few years back.

It's not easy to simply discard beliefs that have been hammered in over a lifetime. Being angry at God for being an asshole is a pretty common reaction, often followed by being angry at the church for lying to you about God. Eventually, you will realize that there's no god to be mad at, and no point in being angry at deluded people for being deluded. Especially if you spent years being deluded yourself.

Deconversion can be a struggle.

[Bibliofagus]

So, basically, my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky.  My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."  

Anyone else struggle with this?

Nope. It doesn't make a difference which untouchable 'agent' people hold responsible. You can't reason with god, you can't reason with luck.

Edit: Can't kick them in the groin either. And that sucks.

[Davka]

So, basically, my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky.  My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."  

Anyone else struggle with this?

Nope. It doesn't make a difference which untouchable 'agent' people hold responsible. You can't reason with god, you can't reason with luck.

Edit: Can't kick them in the groin either. And that sucks.

QFT.

Luck is as absurd as God. Neither one exists.

[antediluvian]

Go with your logic, not your emotions.
AND give yourself time.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Hiyas.  Hope you get past the self-hate and guilt.

Until then, here's some jams:

[youtube:c5p78myq]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdrBP-Rq-J0[/youtube:c5p78myq]

[Davka]

Slayer? Srsly???

Get real!

[youtube:22c04z61]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHmTqoLjlXo[/youtube:22c04z61]

 8-)

[Thumpalumpacus]

lol, you don't like Slayer?

What else is wrong with you?

[Aupmanyav]

What you describe is very common among people who are in the process of shedding their faith. I went through similar thoughts myself a few years back.

It's not easy to simply discard beliefs that have been hammered in over a lifetime.

Atheists take the jump and find peace with the truth.

So, basically, my logical side realizes that there's no god.  It's a farce.  My suffering is because I was born unlucky. My emotional side says, "there's a god, he just hates you."

A bad situation. Why be stuck up with such a God? Choose a new God (or Goddess). It is within your right. :)

[Davka]

lol, you don't like Slayer?

What else is wrong with you?

I'm bi, I like psychedelic rock, and I hate thrash metal. Oh, and country music sucks unless it's serious mountain music.

Yes is the greatest band of all time.