the other jokes

[SoldierofFortune]

There is a new fad around town.....glass-top coffins. If it really catches on or not remains to be seen.

there is a turkish saying that goes: live it full and fast, die young so that your "dead" body will be handsome.

İ am no expert on the topics regarding afterlife, they say youll be incarnate at the age of 33, when you Are fully physically active, and also mentally mature.

[Cassia]

there is a turkish saying that goes: live it full and fast, die young so that your "dead" body will be handsome.

İ am no expert on the topics regarding afterlife, they say youll be incarnate at the age of 33, when you Are fully physically active, and also mentally mature.

I would like my brain now in my 19-year-old body !

[SoldierofFortune]

I would like my brain now in my 19-year-old body !

if youth only knew, if age only could.

[Hydra009]

there is a turkish saying that goes: live it full and fast, die young so that your "dead" body will be handsome.

[Cassia]

My husband shaved his pubes into a Hitler mustache. Now he calls his penis "The Dictator".

My buddy saw a dog licking his balls and said "I wish I could do that". I suggested maybe he should just pet him instead.

The racist next door said when he wants to look at porn he goes to kkk.onlyclans.com

[Dark Lightning]

Yeah, not clicking on that link.

[Unbeliever]

An American, a Frenchman and a German were arrested in Romania for smuggling gold.
The arresting officer allowed them to be released on one condition:
They each had to withstand 20 lashes from a whip.
Since it was their first offense, the officer said, "Each of you can make one wish before the whipping begins."

The German was first, and he said, "I wish to have a pillow tied to my back."

The whipping began, and the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before it went through, and the German began screaming in pain.

Next up was the Frenchman. He said, "I would like 2 pillows tied to my back."

With 2 pillows protecting him he barely felt any of the pain.
He turned to the American and said, "Too bad there are no pillows left. Sucks to be you!"

The American stepped up, and the officer said, "Your country is very beautiful and I love visiting. I will allow you to make 2 wishes."

The American replied, "Thank you  officer. My first wish is that I would like to have 100 lashes instead of 20."

This confused everyone.

Then the officer got emotional and said, "You are very brave. If you want 100 lashes, that is what you will get. What is your second wish?"

The American said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

[Cassia]

Where's Liz been?
Portugal

[Unbeliever]

I'm opening a new gym, and the instructors are going to go from door to door around the neighborhood, telling people about the benefits of joining it.

I've named it Jehovah's Fitness.

[Cassia]

I'm opening a new gym, and the instructors are going to go from door to door around the neighborhood, telling people about the benefits of joining it.

I've named it Jehovah's Fitness.

My girlfriend was trying to quit that religion. It got so bad she had to join a Jehova's Witness Protection Program.

[Unbeliever]

Two JW ladies came to my door some time last year, I guess they wanted to convert me, but they left disappointed.

[Hydra009]

Civilization pitch meeting:

Producer Guy: Hi, I heard you had a pitch for me.
Writer Guy: Yes, I did.  You know that green stuff that we forage as we migrate around?  I was thinking we just save some of those seeds and put them in the ground for infinite food.  Really hack the matrix.
Producer Guy: I don't know what you said, but you said infinite food, so I'm in.  Though it's going to be pretty hard to migrate while also watching over the food.
Writer Guy: Nah, that'll be super easy, barley a...
Producer Guy: Huh?  What's barley?
Writer Guy: It's a crop we'll be growing.  So no more migrating, it's too much of an inconvenience with all the barley we'll have to watch over.
Producer Guy: So let's say that we have infinite food, then what?
Writer Guy: I dunno, maybe invent religion and government and taxes and war and pesticides and video games and space exploration and bombs.
Producer Guy: Video games are tight!  Wait...what was that about bombs?
Writer Guy: They're little things that go boom.  You know, to clear tree stumps and rocks out of the way to make way for the crops.
Producer Guy:  Well, alright.  Those sound pretty scary but I think we can trust people to do the right thing and only use them in non-violent ways or in self-defense.

*music sting*
*thousands of newspaper headlines hitting the desk*