...am I reaching?

[lumpymunk]

My dog died Friday, and I blame my Dad.  My dad was always emotionally abusive, and his behavior was often focused at my dog. 

As a disabled and depressed piece of shit I can comprehend psychologically why his behavior is the way it is, but I could never bring myself to excuse any of it.   So, I’ve hated my father for a long time.  I'm wondering if I blame my dad for my dogs death because I've hated him for so long, or because it’s really his fault.  I’m going to spell out my case and see what you guys think…

You see... my dog was 12 years old, a decent life for a Boston Terrier... but shouldn't a well cared for pet live on the long end of their life expectancy?  Life expectancy for a Boston Terrier is 11-15 years.

A lot of the fights I had with my dad were prompted because of his behavior toward my dog.  The first major fight I had with my Dad occurred when she was just a puppy.  I don’t remember what she did because it’s hard to remember traumatic events with any clarity without therapy (standard puppy shit no doubt).  I just remember walking into the kitchen and my mother grabbing the dog and turning her back to my dad to shield the dog, while he was attempting to throw punches over my mother’s shoulder to punch the puppy.  When I recall this incident I’m shocked each time.  Imagine a man in his late 30’s feeling the type of anger in his heart that the only outlet is to punch a puppy.  Luckily my mother shielded it.  I interjected myself immediately, being in my late teens I could hold my own then.  When I attempted to stop my father from punching my puppy his only words were, “BACK DOWN!”  Of course I didn’t so he yelled again, “BACK DOWN!” as if my stand to protect an innocent animal was a challenge to his manhood.  This was the beginning of serious deterioration of the relationship I had with my father, and it never got better.

Over the years she was always running away from him with ears tucked, head down, attempting to get away quickly for some reason.  It would never happen with me in the room.  He would yell, "GO LAY DOWN" all the time.  I really have no idea why.  Why have a pet if you're only content with the animal laying in one place all the time? 

When a guest would come up the driveway, like any dog, she would bark uncontrollably and run to the door… it’s what dogs do.  He would expend so much effort trying to shut her up.  As he walked to the door, yelling for her to shut up of course, the scenario would play out the same each time.  My dog would have to show some self restraint because she was more afraid of getting the shit kicked out of her than she was excited for the visitor.

He would stomp when walking near the dog.  This would cause the dog to clench her paws and stumble on the hardwood as her nails, failing to grip, would slide out from underneath her as she tried to get away quickly.  This often caused her to bang her knees on the floor as she struggled to get a grip.  If she didn't get out of the way quickly enough, he had no problem "scooting" her out of the way.  He liked to use the word "scoot" when in reality he would kick her, usually into the kitchen table chairs. 

When he would take her outside to #1/#2 he had no patience.  "Come on!" or he would yell her name if she didn't take care of business in an amount of time suitable to him.  Dogs can always sense the emotional state of humans, and she always knew he was mad when this would occur.  She would sprint as fast as she could from the back of the yard into the house, trying to get past him as fast as she could so as not to give him the chance to take a shot.

I remember a few times when she had an upset stomach he wouldn't take her outside because he thought she just wanted to go out and play.  How conspiratorial to believe a dog wants to pretend she needs to go outside just to fuck with you?  When she would finally shit all over the place, (as a housetrained pet) she would run to her kennel.  “Oh shit! I did a bad thing” As his anger would swell in the kitchen cleaning up shit she would shake in her kennel in fear.  I remember him walking over to the kennel more than once and kicking it violently with her in it, shattering the plastic and breaking the snaps that connect the top and bottom halves.  He’s the type of person who justifies his behavior by saying, “She won’t listen!”  I’ve never known a dog to speak English.

This and more, over the course of 12 years is a lot of stress on an animal.  It’s been stressful as hell on me and I’m not even directly enduring all if it.  I watched a documentary a few years back on Netflix about stress called “Stress, Portrait of a Killer.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYG0ZuTv5rs

Essentially it shows how these types of abusive and aggressive environments contribute to poor health and shortened life span toward the recipients, and longevity for the people who dish out this type of bile.  One of the great examples from the documentary is about a pack of apes whose alpha-males who are higher in the social hierarchy have lower cholesterol levels and live longer, while the apes on the lower strata die sooner.

Essentially, that being said, my theory is that my Dad slowly killed my dog through a lifetime of stress and emotional abuse.  I feel like my dog’s life could have been better and that she could have lived longer if my dad wasn’t a gigantic piece of shit.

Am I fucking delusional or did I nail it?

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Sounds like your dad is the delusional one and if he didn't kill her he damned sure didn't help her live one day longer. No, you're not reaching at all and your dad should never be allowed near other living beings.

[lumpymunk]

Also, I never had any proof of it... but I had a puppy beagle that died from supposedly "hanging itself" on my swingset.  The swingset looked similar to this (below), and I was told that he jumped over that 2-person swing on the far right, and his leash wasn't long enough to give him the slack he needed to breathe. Beagles (as well as other puppies) are really weak and clumsy.

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a9/71/6c/a9716cd106893543940de3e4e24455dc.jpg

I never bought the story, and always believed there was more to it.  Now that my current pet died... after watching how my dad treated it for 12 years I firmly believe he kicked the shit out of my beagle and killed it.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Wait till you no longer live with him and get a puppy, love and enjoy it the rest of its natural life.

[SGOS]

I don't know I the dog's death was caused by your dad.  It's not like a well taken care of dog automatically lasts to the long end of the breed's average lifespan.  There are too many other factors that determine lifespan.  But this is not to say your father is not a dickhead.  Was your father depressed because of a chemical imbalance?  Just curious because mine was, and I see similarities to your father.  While chemical depression is not a person's fault, I was never able to love my father.  He was a constant source of personal grief.  I would describe him as mean.  It was kind of like he never fully understood how to be a nice person.

[Shol'va]

I'm going to be brutally honest here. If the average lifespan is quoted between 11-15 and your dog lived to be 12, then I would say your dog lived out it's natural life. Try to make peace with the fact that you can never know if and what measurable impact the stressful life had on your dog's longevity. Why or how your dog died doesn't change the known fact that your dad was a total dick to it while it lived. Don't get another pet while you're under his roof.
I think you're reaching and you shouldn't be. You've got enough to be mad about as it is, reaching in this way is like the old saying about anger, which is like drinking poison and expecting your dad to suffer the effects.

[Cyanne]

I'm really sorry. No one can ever really say for sure if she would have lived longer had she not been subjected to the abuse, but I can certainly understand feeling like he is to blame for her death. That she lived her life in fear is something to be angry about on its own.