Godzilla Reviews (Spoilers will likely be included in replies)

[pm1255]

So I saw the Godzilla premier last night and I thought it was great. It was very cheesy at points, but other than that I really enjoyed it. Although I am a major Godzilla fanboy so my opinion may be a little biased... What did you guys think about it?

[Hijiri Byakuren]

Saw it this morning. Came for Godzilla, got Godzilla. A good day was had.

[spoiler]I really liked his fights with the Mutos. The flying one felt like a nice nod to Rodan and Mothra, two of his most classic opponents, and the big walker reminded me of Orga from Godzilla 2000; which is kind of cool, since he was the last opponent of Godzilla's to make it to American theaters until now.

I didn't like how they killed off the dad so early, because he was by far the best-written character. Serizawa especially should have been fleshed out better than he was. The battles were good, but I think a good old fashioned "cut to the humans, then back to the monsters, then back to the humans, etc." would have worked a little better.

Overall, it's still easily one of the best Godzilla films ever made.[/spoiler]

[KUSA]

Why is it rated R? It should have been rated G.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Don't tell me they fixed the age old problem of Japanese officials inability to speak English (in Japanese) in sync with the movie! 

[Hijiri Byakuren]

Why is it rated R? It should have been rated G.

It's PG-13 for a few utterances of "shit" here and there. Not sure where you got the R rating from.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Well there goes the youth of a nation uttering shit.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Loved it. It wasn't just a Big Monster vs. Big Monster movie.

[spoiler]Serizawa had his dad's watch. His dad was at Hiroshima. Hiroshima was bombed 68 years ago. Was the good doctor a "late in life child" or what?[/spoiler]

[spoiler]I knew me some EOD guys in the Navy. None of them were qualified on nuclear weapons. Getting EOD qualified is the first step in becoming a SEAL. (If BUDS doesn't kill you, of course.) [/spoiler]

[spoiler]Five minutes on a surface craft will not get a 1.5 megaton nuke out of range of SF. And anybody looking at the flash is going to be doing the white-cane polka for a long time. [/spoiler]

[spoiler]If you look carefully you'll see what almost looks like human legs on the Mutos. I suppose this was some kind of homage to the old school men-in-monster suits. Or just chance, of course.[/spoiler]

[Hijiri Byakuren]

[spoiler]Serizawa had his dad's watch. His dad was at Hiroshima. Hiroshima was bombed 68 years ago. Was the good doctor a "late in life child" or what?[/spoiler]

[spoiler]I'm more curious to know how old Serizawa is supposed to be. That scene sort of implies his dad died in Hiroshima; but Ken Watanabe is only 54, and they don't seem to have tried to make him look older for this part.[/spoiler]

[spoiler]Five minutes on a surface craft will not get a 1.5 megaton nuke out of range of SF.[/spoiler]

[spoiler]I just figured Godzilla soaked it all up, which is why he didn't try recovering the MUTO carcasses he just spent so much time and effort hunting.[/spoiler]

[aitm]

While I am impressed you guys are so familiar with the old movie...even to the minutia(sp) ... I am, as well, rather disturbed by that.

[The Skeletal Atheist]

I didn't expect Godzilla killing the MUTO the way he did. I was just expecting some brute force and maybe some finishing blows from his automic breath.

[spoiler]Forcing the MUTO's mouth open and firing his automic breath down it until its fucking head fell off, fantastic![/spoiler]

Also I made a gleeful happy face when I saw how damn huge Godzilla was. Zilla was disappointingly tiny when it comes to being a giant movie monster, this one was horrifyingly huge.

[spoiler] As per the watch deal, it's entirely possible that the watch wasn't on his father's person when the blast happened. Alternately it was on his father and took enough damage to break, but his father survived. A lot of those who were in Hiroshima during the bombing died weeks later due to horrific physical injury (and radiation), but a lot also survived albeit with horrific injuries and disfigurements. The way I imagine it is that his father got severely damaged, but survived. In the process of being thrown by the blast the watch got damaged enough to stop working. His father survived and later had children. [/spoiler]

[Gawdzilla Sama]

While I am impressed you guys are so familiar with the old movie...even to the minutia(sp) ... I am, as well, rather disturbed by that.

What old movie?

[the_antithesis]

So I saw the new Godzilla movie and now my review:

[spoiler]Fuck this movie

[spoiler]Oh, come on. Like you expected anything less.

What this movie reminded me of most was Alien³. I'll come back to that.

One online review panned this movie saying that Godzilla isn't in his own movie very much and we spend way too much time with Lieutenant Bland, his cunt wife and their Asperger's-riddled son than anything that was actually fucking cool or even interesting. Fuck me, but he was right. We spend way, way, waaaaaaay too much time with Aaron Taylor-Johnson's boring as fuck white guy character. I noticed why he's fucking boring, though. He doesn't do any fucking thing.

I guess some critics have been calling this movie a slow burn like Jaws and using this as a perch to crow about how audiences today have no patients. These people can go fuck themselves. A slow burn is called such because there is heat. Godzilla(2014) has no heat. Johnson's character doesn't do anything. He's dragged along for the ride. This is why the character is bland. It doesn't help that Johnson's performance is fucking terrible. All he does is fucking stare at shit. There is zero emotion in that stare except maybe frustrated puzzlement or he's shitting his pants. I can't tell. be he's carrying the movie and we do not fucking care.

We care less about his wife played by the Olsen twin's sister who's supposedly a decent actress, but you wouldn't know that here. Bland as Johnson is, she's even less interesting. And fuck their kid. I wanted him to get set on fire and burn to death. Maybe then he'd do something besides stare straight ahead.

Unfortunately, none of the other actors do much better because the script is so terrible. Lamont Cranston is barely in the movie, but his role is played up in the trailer because he was in that television series I didn't see and do not care about. He just acts loopy and then he's gone. Ken Watanabe also spends the movie staring straight ahead. The writers must have a fetish. He's only used as an exposition machine. No one else is notable enough to even be worth mentioning. God knows these guys weren't worth mentioning.

The human drama falls flat and it has to carry most of the running time. I will say it feels like a fucking Michael Bay movie with all the military cock it sucks. No one sucks military dick quite like Michael Bay and this flick is using his playbook.

The monsters are fucking stupid looking. I mean, look at these fucking "MUTO"s



Oops, my bad. That's the fucking thing from Cloverfield.

Here's the fucking Muto



Know what? I take back that apology. They're the same fucking thing.

What is it with boring ass monster design these days? These things are as bad as the Kaiju from Pacific Rim. Are the designs really this terrible or is it because the damn things are always filmed in low light with washed out color saturation so you can't fucking see the damned things?

But, the movie reminded me of Alien³ in that I noticed the director trying to put little touches where he could to make something out of the nothing script. This was true of David Fincher who later went on to a decent career. Gareth Edwards doesn't have a lot of credits just yet. Maybe he'll put out his own Fight Club in the future. Time will tell.

So, I really can't recommend this movie. Yeah, it's better than the 1998 Godzilla movie, but so is having anal polyps removed with a blowtorch. Skip it.




[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Hijiri Byakuren]

Fuck this movie.

Sorry you didn't like it, but I think that's going a bit far.

[the_antithesis]

Sorry you didn't like it, but I think that's going a bit far.

I do not.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Hey, no problem. Everybody entitled to my opinion.