An Interesting Take on Homophobia

[The Skeletal Atheist]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/01/30/what_is_homophobia_why_straight_men_are_right_to_be_afraid_of_homosexuality.html

To be a homophobe in 2014 is, increasingly, to find oneself on the fast track to social scorn. In an environment of growing acceptance, we condemn homophobic feelings, particularly in men, because we think they come from inside the individual and are thus his full responsibility. A man who says hateful things about gays is “backward.” He’s protecting his social status, or maybe he’s secretly gay himself. He needs to grow up or come out already.

However, the continued existence of homophobiaâ€"despite the obvious downsidesâ€"raises questions about its basic nature: Do psychological theories like those above really explain why gayness, specifically, evokes such fear, the kind that can sometimes even lead to violent speech and action? Do they account for why homophobia is such an easy bulwark against masculine insecurity? Why does coming out seem so impossible to some men? The only way to answer these questions is to stop thinking of homophobia as a personal choice and understand it as the inevitable and deliberate result of the culture in which American men are raised. 

Clearly, men in America have grown up learning to be scared of gayness. But not only for the reasons we typically thinkâ€"not only, in the end, because of religion, insecurity about their own sexuality, or a visceral aversion to other men’s penises. The truth is, they’re afraid because heterosexuality is so fragile.

Heterosexuality’s power lies in perception, not physical truthâ€"as long as people think you’re exclusively attracted to the right gender, you’re golden. But perception is a precarious thing; a “zero-tolerance” policy has taught men that the way people think of them can change permanently with one slip, one little kiss or too-intimate friendship. And once lost, it can be nearly impossible to reclaim.

Put another way, the zero-tolerance rule means that if a man makes one “wrong” moveâ€"kisses another man in a moment of drunken fun, sayâ€"he is immediately assumed to be gay. Women have a certain amount of freedom to play with their sexuality (mostly because society has a hard time believing in lesbian sex at all). Male sexuality, on the other hand, is understood as unidirectional. Once young men realize they are gay, they become A Gay Person. We don’t hear about gay men discovering an interest in women later in life, and we rarely believe men when they say they are bisexualâ€"the common, if erroneous, wisdom is that any man who says he is bi is really just gay and hasn’t admitted it yet.

The result of all this is that men are not allowed “complex” sexualities; once the presumption of straightness has been shattered, a dude is automatically gay. That narrative does not allow much freedom to explore even fleeting same-sex attractions without a permanent commitment. I knew a guy who, straight in high school, hooked up with dudes for the first semester of college. He was then in a monogamous relationship with a woman for the rest of college; in the weeks before graduation, I would still hear people express confusion about the existence of their relationship.

The zero-tolerance policy is legitimately scary, then, not just because it sticks you with a label, but also because it erases a lifetime of straightness. One semester of experimentation was worth more than every other hook-up and romance of this guy’s lifeâ€"both before and afterward.

Indeed, such erasure is scary even if homosexuality itself isn’t a bad thing. Even if religion and Esquire didn’t teach men to be scared of each other’s bodies, they would still be afraid of the way a brush with gayness can so suddenly erase the rest of their sexuality. With so much on the line, it’s no surprise that men take up the job of policing this boundary themselves, lest it be policed by someone else, to their detriment.

It’s worth noting that men confront their fear with brilliant creativity. High-schoolers accuse each other, their activities, and even objects of being gay with precisely the zero-tolerance attitude that they themselves are navigating. A popular game in high school was “fag tag,” where boys slap each other’s packages with the back of their hands.  In college they played chicken, where two guys each slide their hand up the other one’s inner thigh. Whoever gets freaked out first losesâ€"or wins, really. These games aren’t just grounded in disgust with homosex; they are playing out exactly what society has taught men about heterosexuality: One wrong move, and you’ll be permanently marked.

Homophobia, then, is precisely a fear, and one that these men are not at all foolish for entertaining. The behavior it engenders is a perceptive response to a sick system, rather than a sickness itself. That’s why I don’t hold a grudge against the kids in high school who said “fag,” or the occasional bartender who makes a weird comment about my dateâ€"they’re understandably more scared of me than I am of them.

I've considered this before, but I don't think I've really given it as much thought as the author of this article has.

Because of our culture male sexuality in the US is a rigid mess. While a woman might be able to experiment with another woman and still consider herself straight, the same cannot be said of a man in the US. I can honestly see how this "all or nothing" approach to sexuality can lead to one restricting themselves from doing anything (not just sexually, mind you) that might be considered "gay". I can also see how it would lead an otherwise rational straight man to say and do homophobic things in order to avoid being labeled as gay.

[Hijiri Byakuren]

I have never heard of "fag tag" before.


Sent from Monster Island. Titty sprinkles.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I have never heard of "fag tag" before.


Sent from Monster Island. Titty sprinkles.

It's called "The WWE" now.

[stromboli]

I got hit on once by a gay man back in the Navy, but since then I have not had anything like a gay experience. At this point I think it is kind of silly that men would be threatened by it. But that comes from education and knowing gay people and learning their point of view. Sad that homophobia is still rampant, but hopefully the world is learning.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Homophobia is alive and well, but I think the reason so many guys avoid gayness or even bisexuality is the fear of scorn by friends and family then having to think they have to prove otherwise and if they're single, unattached and having a hard time finding a date with a girl it's like an overwhelming burden. As a young man I was very shy with girls and was accused more than once of being gay and even, according to some had a bit of a lilt to my speech patterns which has long left me partly because of the above mentioned and partly being married, raising kids and hanging out with a lot of dipshits. 40 years of smoking didn't help keep that bit of a high voice and lilt either.
Growing up watching Dr Smith on Lost in Space and Snagglepuss probably gave me the lilt..
I got hit on a lot as a young man by gay men and became friends with quite a few not to mention our neighbor was a bit of a flaming fat dude..

[SGOS]

I remember reading years ago in a psychology class about homophobic panic.  It's caused by unresolved or usually repressed homosexual tendencies that reside just below the level of consciousness.  At times, they push toward the surface for various reasons.  They remain below the conscious level, but manifest themselves in a feeling of general panic or aggression.  People can be attacked.  There are a lot of conflicting psychological dynamics in it, as is sometimes the nature of repression.

That's my idea of homophobia, anyway.  But I think the word has recently become to mean just general fear and hostility.  My cousin hates gays, men or women.  I wouldn't call him homophobic (according to the way I learned the psychological term).  He just hates lots of things that he was taught to hate in his formative years, and he's not about to think his way out of his emotions about those issues.  I rather don't think he is capable, but he is the quintessential old fart born and bred in the environment of my parent's generation.  He's just kind of stuck there.

[hrdlr110]

That was an interesting read indeed. I've contemplated this myself. My perspective, as a heterosexual, is this; For women, being a lesbian does not necessarily attack their femininity. I don't think the same can be said for men and their perceived masculinity when it comes to homosexuality.

[Hydra009]

I once talked with a guy who was seriously homophobic and assumed I was, too.  He would dwell uncomfortably long on the topic of anal sex.  Since I'm not gay, the mechanics of gay sex honestly never even occurred to me.  Very strange guy.  He would go on and on about how much he loves women and couldn't grasp homosexual attraction or homosexual sex.   But he gave off this really weird vibe like he was a little too interested in the subject.

[StupidWiz]

Society praise masculinity. That's why the idea of losing it after you "become" gay is frightening to those straight males. Most people have no idea that you can be gay AND masculine too. The stereotype that gay guys are most likely feminine certainly doesn't help either. Many gay guys actually are masculine, some of them even despise feminine gay guys. I don't know where it came from, but masculinity is something that makes a guy attractive (I'm guilty of this as well), maybe it's because of gender roles? Men are supposed to act this way, and women are supposed act that way. 

Maybe it's because of media? In most (action/blockbuster) movies and television series, a typical male protagonist must be masculine, tough and aggressive (not to mention handsome/sexy or both). This has made society see what is expected for being a guy, imo. Also, in some religions, it's clear that men (and all of their "normal masculine" traits) are above women (and their "normal feminine" traits), so if you're a feminine guy, it'll be considered as stupid and or humiliating cause why would you want to downgrade your status?

[GSOgymrat]

But he gave off this really weird vibe like he was a little too interested in the subject.

Trust your instincts.

[GSOgymrat]

Heterosexuality’s power lies in perception, not physical truthâ€"as long as people think you’re exclusively attracted to the right gender, you’re golden. But perception is a precarious thing; a “zero-tolerance” policy has taught men that the way people think of them can change permanently with one slip, one little kiss or too-intimate friendship. And once lost, it can be nearly impossible to reclaim.

Socially this is true for many things. It matters less that a politician lies than if he is perceived as a liar. It doesn't matter how many men a woman has had sex with, in reality it could be none, but whether she is has a reputation for being promiscuous.

"It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation and only one bad one to lose it." - Benjamin Franklin