Your children's religion

[Rex Rgis Verum]

I'm not a parent yet (nor do I hope to be for at least another 7-10 years), but I have sometimes pondered this. I've realized that I'm pretty laid back regarding my future children's religion. I won't care what religion they follow as long as they can justify their beliefs and not believe only because I, their mother, their friends, or their family believes. That being said, I will show them some classics like the Disney version of Hercules and Aladdin teaching them along the way that the characters in these myths are no more real than the cartoons they watch on TV and that the stories were construed to teach a lesson or explain something that was currently not known. Hopefully that will allow them to discern that not every story they read in a book will be true and that in many instances, they are going to have to question the story's credibility or just regard it as a work of fiction (possibly inspired by real events). I hope that them learning to question everything will lead them to realizing that religion is all fabricated in the minds of man and that there is no evidence of gods ever existing, but if that questioning leads them to, say, Taoism or Hinduism or Zoroastrianism, then at least I can sleep knowing that they put thought into their decision instead of blindly believing whatever they (don't) believe.

The only problem is finding someone with my views. A lot of my religious friends are all gung-ho about their children sharing their religion, and I refuse to procreate with someone like that. Sure, the other person and I may be super compatible if it was just us two for the rest of our lives, but the compatibility would end once children were brought into the equation. So if that means I'd marry a Christian who is lax on their kid's religion over an atheist who forces their kids to be atheist, then so be it.



TLDR; not really fussed about my kids' religion(s) so long as they can back it up, and refuse to be with someone who will force their religion on their kids.

[Sal1981]

TBH I think that pushing any ideology and even lack of one is counterproductive, if I ever get kids I will simply teach them to think for themselves and make up their own minds about faith and everything else. I'm confident that they would, with honest inquiry come to the same conclusion as mine.

[Plu]

I'm in the same boat. I'm just going to teach my kid(s) how to think and they can figure the rest out for themselves. Just a few more years until the first one is old enough for that kind of thing.

[aileron]

As someone who has two kids in a fairly religious area, IMHO if and when you have kids who start getting exposed to religion you probably will feel quite differently than you do now.  I say this for three reasons:

1.  Kids are capable of imagination and belief long before they're capable of critical thinking.  Adults are able to fool kids into believing preposterous things, like Santa Claus.  

2.  Although you will have the decency not to tell other people's kids what to believe, other parents and their kids will not return the courtesy.  Adults and their kids are going to tell your kindergarten-aged kids they'll be burned in hell forever for non-belief.  Oh, they'll do it out of concern for the kid's eternal soul, but the effect will be the same.  A young kid who's very confused and probably terrified by all of this will naturally turn to his parents for guidance.  Put yourself in his shoes.  Would you prefer your parent to confuse you more by going into things you're not ready to grasp yet like inductive reasoning, scientific methods, etc. (which clearly didn't work to figure out the Santa thing), or would you prefer your parent to reassure you with a nice, comforting, "That is *bullshit!*"???

3.  Part of teaching children critical thinking skills is explaining to them how and why you, their parent, has come to a different conclusion about supernatural claims than most people in the world.  Young kids are curious and seek guidance from parents.  They will want to know what *you* have concluded about religious claims as well as why and how you got there, etc.

Protecting kids from asinine and quite terrifying religious claims they're not yet equipped to think through critically is not on the same moral plane as religionists' compelling kids to believe certain things.  Although I guide them through the critical thinking of why certain religions claims are nonsense, my kids are free to believe or not believe what they want and think how they want.  As a kid, when I started expressing doubts about religion or even just asking uncomfortable questions the adults in my life greeted this curiosity and critical thinking with threats, intimidation, guilt trips, and more.

[ApostateLois]

Well said, Aileron. It's really not possible to not teach your children anything about religion; they will learn about it whether you teach them or not, from all the other people they come in contact with. Leaving them to figure it all out on their own, at an age when they think there are monsters under the bed at night, can only lead to confusion and fear. Young children CAN'T think critically; that's why parents have to do it for them, by explaining that different people believe different things, "but here is what I believe, and why."

As they get older, you can get simple books about different religions and read it together, explaining that the various gods and devils are no more real than the characters in Disney cartoons. You could read the story of Noah's ark in the Bible, and explain why it is not possible for that many animals to fit on one big boat; or review different creation stories from around the world (some of which are even weirder than the Genesis one), and explain how they don't match up to what scientists have actually learned in the real world. They'll be exposed to Bible stories from an early age, so you might as well get a head start on that shit so they'll know what to say when their classmates talk about Noah as if he was a real guy.

It's possible your child will actually want to go to church one day because all of his/her friends are going. By preparing them with a solid foundation of your own beliefs and thought processes, they'll be more likely to question all that Jesus nonsense, or at least ask you about it first. So when your kid comes home from Sunday school and says, "We learned that Jesus died on the cross for our sins," you can then say, "Interesting. But what does that mean to you? That happened more than 2000 years ago. Why does it matter now?" And so on.

[Solitary]

I raised both of my sons as Catholics with the understanding that all knowledge is good and ignorance is bad. They are both atheist because they thought that what they were taught by the Catholic Church was not logical and ridiculous and took away their freedom to think for themselves which I taught them to do. Also, not to trust authority and question what they say, including me and their mother. My youngest son said he was an atheist since he was six like me. My oldest was since he knew the tooth fairy (Sorry about that APA!   ) and Santa were not real. Solitary

[leo]

I raised both of my sons as Catholics with the understanding that all knowledge is good and ignorance is bad. They are both atheist because they thought that what they were taught by the Catholic Church was not logical and ridiculous and took away their freedom to think for themselves which I taught them to do. Also, not to trust authority and question what they say, including me and their mother. My youngest son said he was an atheist since he was six like me. My oldest was since he knew the tooth fairy (Sorry about that APA!   ) and Santa were not real. Solitary

Tooth fairy not real ? NO WAAAAAAY. [-X

[Shol'va]

Whelp, I'm about to find out how this shit will go down once our son will be of age. My sister and I grew up in a secularist household. Our parents never took us to church and taught us how to be critical thinkers and left us alone to reach our own conclusions. My wife is Christian but not an overt one; she is very very private about her beliefs to the point that if you don't know her, you'd think she is ashamed of it. I'm not sure if we are going to butt heads or not when the time will come to talk about this with our son. She is more of a fearful Christian, in the sense of fearing of offending God, so I suspect I'll have to talk to my son in private, otherwise if I openly express any doubt in regards to the veracity of the Christian dogma, she'll take issue with it.
I find it difficult to put in words but I love her moreso for the belief she holds. I wouldn't want her to lose it, I would find that very sad.

[mykcob4]

When people have kids it is a community thing. There is pressure from the inlaws, both sides of the family, on how to raise those kids. There is the stigma of how your parents raised you and what you felt to be wrong on their efforts, that is if they actually put in that effort. There is environmental concerns, where they go to school, who their friends are, what is going on around them. There is the influence of media and pop culture.
I think that a kid should be able to decide for themselves what if any religion to adapt to. Thata is easier said than done because at what age would they be compitent to do so? Should they have information forced upon them to do so. I know that every religion says that the believers come of their free will. That is a flat out lie. No one comes to religion by way of "free will." They come by it by cultural brainwashing, peer pressure, and institutional indoctrination. Go to any MLB game. The seventh inning stretch has become a peer pressured institutional indoctrination to respect and obey christianity. They are infact dictating that if you don't stand up and sing with enthusiasm 'god Bless America' that you are a heretic, a traitor, and that you are committing treason. What is free will about that? My step dad told me over and over again that no one can control your mind unless you let them. He was actually talking about free will. That was the best and maybe the only lesson I ever learned from him. Then of course he spent the rest of his life trying to force his will upon me. I learned the lesson well and never allowed him to force his will on me. Now I am in control because he is in a nursing home that I pay for, but I don't force anything on him at all.

[Aroura33]

I do think aileron  summed it up well.  I used to think that I could  just teach my child to "how to think", and that a nice notion. In some parts of the world, it may even be a viable option all by itself, but in many parts of America, it just isn't.  Of course you still must teach that, but when your 5 or 6 year old is already bombarded by religion from peers, grandparents, and even teachers, you just have to bite the bullet and tell them that it is indeed all bull.

My 6 year old came home a few weeks ago very upset because the other kids had all voted "Silent Night" as their favorite Christmas song, and she had never even heard it.  They sort of teased her about it, but not terribly.  Mostly she was upset at me and her dad for not teaching her this apparently fabulous song!
I sang it for her, not a big deal.  Then she came home confused after hearing "Jesus is the reason for the Season".  She already knows Santa isn't real, that he is based on people who existed but are dead.  So she was under the impression that the real, i.e. dead santa was the reason for Christmas.  She didn't know who Jesus was, and although the other kids did not tease her, they made her uncomfortable that she didn't know who he was.

So yeah, we had to sit down and explain it in 6 year old-ese.

If someday in the future, she decides to go and explore religion, neither myself or her dad will try and stop her.  It's her life.  But at this young age, you are sometimes forced to do a little more than gentle guidance.

And I know we have it ok.  It isn't too bad around here. I cannot imagine what atheist kids in southern Texas or Mississippi live with.

Crap.  Speaking of, I need to find my old image and lose the santa hat!!  lol

[Thumpalumpacus]

My son's mom was a Catholic when he was born, while I was already an atheist. We agreed that neither one of us would get to shove our views down his throat, but that if he asked, we weren't obliged to lie about our own matters of conscience, either.

In addition to answering his questions about my disbelief honestly, another strategy I used was to answer every question I could, with accurate information.  My son is the only four-year-old I know who got the answer "Rayleigh scattering" to the age-old question, "Why is the sun blue?" ... with an explanation of why it works.  By the time he was in school, he had a clear understanding that we can test our ideas against reality and see if they match up.

Critical thinking is the most powerful weapon of mental emancipation ever invented.

(His mother is now a Buddhist.)

[Insult to Rocks]

If I ever have children, I am going to teach them to think rationally and skeptically about life, and then trust that they can find their own way. That also means never really lying to them about anything. No tooth fairy, no Easter bunny, and no Santa. If they do something, I want them to do it because they want to, not because it's all they know.

[frosty]

My son's mom was a Catholic when he was born, while I was already an atheist. We agreed that neither one of us would get to shove our views down his throat, but that if he asked, we weren't obliged to lie about our own matters of conscience, either.

In addition to answering his questions about my disbelief honestly, another strategy I used was to answer every question I could, with accurate information.  My son is the only four-year-old I know who got the answer "Rayleigh scattering" to the age-old question, "Why is the sun blue?" ... with an explanation of why it works.  By the time he was in school, he had a clear understanding that we can test our ideas against reality and see if they match up.

Critical thinking is the most powerful weapon of mental emancipation ever invented.

(His mother is now a Buddhist.)

I actually like it if people stay religious but move around in their beliefs. It indicates a certain level of flexibility. There are some people who will literally never change their core personalities in their lifetimes, but they will be a bit flexible within a certain limit. They are for the most part rational people. Those religious people I can co-exist with, without there being any issues.

[Aupmanyav]

My children got the usual dose of religion when they were growing up. I became an atheist later, but the family continues to be theists. Nothing much that I can do.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I actually like it if people stay religious but move around in their beliefs. It indicates a certain level of flexibility. There are some people who will literally never change their core personalities in their lifetimes, but they will be a bit flexible within a certain limit. They are for the most part rational people. Those religious people I can co-exist with, without there being any issues.

I agree. She started questioning her faith while we were together, in part because we'd talk about her faith, and my lack of it, without rancor. After we split, she arrived at her atheism and Buddhism.  Much as with her old Catholicism, she strikes me as a cafeteria Buddhist, not accepting everything they proffer, and that too is indicative of flexibility.