The Jews Were Never Slaves In Egypt. Ever. Never Ever.

[Poison Tree]

Geography (or the Bible) has never been my strong suit, so there is something I've never been quite clear on.  If the only way for the Jews to get back from Egypt was by crossing the Red Sea, did they not have to cross it when they were brought there in the first place?  If so, did God have to part it waters for them to be taken to Egypt when they were enslaved?  Or was there an alternate route?  And if so, why didn't they use it in Exodus?  Very confusing.

If I remember correctly, all the Jews enslaved in Egypt were descendents of Jacob's 12 sons (Joseph with the coat of many colors and all that jazz).

[JohnS]

Geography (or the Bible) has never been my strong suit, so there is something I've never been quite clear on.  If the only way for the Jews to get back from Egypt was by crossing the Red Sea, did they not have to cross it when they were brought there in the first place?  If so, did God have to part it waters for them to be taken to Egypt when they were enslaved?  Or was there an alternate route?  And if so, why didn't they use it in Exodus?  Very confusing.

If I remember correctly, all the Jews enslaved in Egypt were descendents of Jacob's 12 sons (Joseph with the coat of many colors and all that jazz).

Thanks, Poison Tree.  Now that you mentioned it, I do seem to recall something about the slaves being descendants of Jacob buried somewhere in the past of all the Biblical nonsense that was crammed into my head as a kid.  Maybe my bigger question is, was crossing the Red Sea the only way to get from Egypt to Israel?  If so, did they not have a plan when they left?  Or did Moses know ahead of time that God would part the waters or provide some other means of passage once they got to the sea?  Of course we know the simple answers to these questions...just more Biblical mythology and nonsense.

[stromboli]

Joseph (coat of many colors) was sold into slavery by his brothers. Rose to become the 2nd most powerful man in Egypt, saved his family and other Israelites from famine by allowing them to come into Egypt. Their captivity is explained in this scripture:

A new king arose over Egypt, who had not known Joseph.  He said to his people, "Look, this people of the sons of Israel is bigger and more numerous than we are.  We must have a plan to deal with them, lest they grow even more numerous.  If there should be a war, they might join our enemies and fight against us and go up from the land."  So they set taskmasters over them, to afflict them with burdensome labor. (Exod 1:8-11)

And kept them as slaves for 400 years. Except it didn't happen.

[viocjit]

For those who are interesting about the debunk of this myth :

I.The Bible Unearthed: Archaeology's New Vision of Ancient Israel and the Origin of Its Sacred Texts by Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman published at Free press in 2001. (ISBN 978-0-684-86912-4).
II.Thierry Ragobert produced a documentary with the data from the book. (Some datas from this documentary are more recent than datas from the book). Look it and watch it. In the title of this doc there are "The Bible Unearthed" I can't remember of the other part of the title.
III.The Bible's buried secrets produced by Gary Glassman. (If you won't watch it you can read a transcription here.)

[Minimalist]

Hate to bust your bubble but a Christian [s:3t9dy47y]archeologist[/s:3t9dy47y] found the remains of the Egyptian Army which chased after Moses, on the bottom of the Red Sea.

Had to fix that for you since the idea has been completely trashed by real scholars who aren't out to "prove" that every rock they look at is something that fucking "moses" pissed on.

Xtians have been lying about archaeology in the region since the 1880's.  Time to get with the program.

[Hijiri Byakuren]

Hate to bust your bubble but a Christian [s:38hzoqf9]archeologist[/s:38hzoqf9] found the remains of the Egyptian Army which chased after Moses, on the bottom of the Red Sea.

Had to fix that for you since the idea has been completely trashed by real scholars who aren't out to "prove" that every rock they look at is something that fucking "moses" pissed on.

Xtians have been lying about archaeology in the region since the 1880's.  Time to get with the program.

You noticed the part where he was being sarcastic, yes?

[stromboli]

I would love to see a breakdown of how big an area a traveling pack of 2 million people with wagons, tents, household goods, flocks and what have you would cover while in motion. I'm guessing if you started out with a line about 5 kilometers wide it would take you basically a couple weeks to get the whole group moving, much less coordinate any kind of leadership.

[LikelyToBreak]

There were between 2.5 and 3.5 million Hebrews making the Exodus.  But, that is no problem, because God gave them supernatural strength.  And they marched in step.  So, they could get started at the speed of sound.  In fact, if they had not stopped for lunch at the Red Sea, the Pharaoh couldn't have even caught up with them.

Their quick marching also explains the lack of footprints.  They marched so fast they didn't leave any.  I was mistaken before when I suggested that the Hebrews were too cheap to leave footprints behind.  (So, you don't have to notify the ADL, I corrected myself.)  It was the super fast footwork which made it so the devil worshiping archeologists of today can't find any proof of the Exodus.  

You may wonder if they could walk so fast as to why it took them forty years to get to the promised land.  Well, when you are walking so fast that you don't leave footprints, your sense of direction goes haywire.  The Egyptians got tired of pointing them back the other direction after a while and finally posted signs.  But, since the signs were made of wood, the lettering got sand blasted off and don't read, "That Way Hebrews, This is Egypt" anymore.  They also took a break of almost a year at the foot of Mt. Sinai.  Then very carefully cleaned up the area before they left, because they wanted to set a good example for the Boy Scouts.

Anyway, therefore and thusly,  it is all perfecctly logically correctly and writely that the Exodus really happened, just the way the bible says so.  And may God strike me dead if it isn't true.  There, even more proof, I'm still alive.  :-s

[Poison Tree]

Have you ever thought how crappy a GPS god must be if it took 40 years to get from Egypt to Israel; what is that 200 miles? Hell, the Donner party made the 250 miles from Springfield to Independence in a month and then 400 miles west in another month plus a week and 200 miles in the next 11 days.

[aitm]

Oh come, come. That was a bloody cheapshot, you, anti-semite...

Many a year ago a bunch of us were tossing back a few at a local Fridays when the topic turned to masturbation, when my roommate and best bud (jew all the way) said "I have never done that", the gang got quiet and uncomfortable, but I brought the house down with: "goddamn... you jews DO save everything!"

[josephpalazzo]

:-D

[LikelyToBreak]

:rollin:  Good one aitm!  :rollin:

[Colanth]

I would love to see a breakdown of how big an area a traveling pack of 2 million people with wagons, tents, household goods, flocks and what have you would cover while in motion. I'm guessing if you started out with a line about 5 kilometers wide it would take you basically a couple weeks to get the whole group moving, much less coordinate any kind of leadership.

Yet they didn't stop long enough on even one single evening for their bread to leaven (which, according to Jewish tradition, takes 18 minutes).  So it couldn't have taken them more than 18 minutes to get an army of 2-6 million (claims vary) to break bivouac, get to their feet and start moving.  Patton's grave is glowing neon green with envy.

[Youssuf Ramadan]

Yeah, but guize.... think about how they would have suffered if it did happen....  

[Minimalist]

You noticed the part where he was being sarcastic, yes?

No.

We have an infestation of fundie shitheads at AF.org and they sound the same.