Atheist needing some advice

[unceasingfaun]

I grew up a Christian. My parents didn't really push me and allowed me to choose but I grew up in a very conservatice Christian area and I got a lot of push from friends. I went to a big church and tried to fit in. One thing that really struck me was the fear of hell. I learned about hell at too young an age and believed it was completely real and was convinced that when I died I would go there. Once, there was an earthquake in the middle of the night, and I woke up completely convinced I was being dragged down to hell. I had constant nightmares and anxiety about it. When I was a preteen a friend told me that masturbation was something God hated, and I went home and cried, convinced that I would go to hell for that and had constant guilt about it until much later in life.

As I slowly drifted away from religion because I never really felt strongly connected to God or that my prayers were helping in any way, I asked again and again for reassurance from God but nothing ever came. I eventually called myself agnostic, and just in the past year realized I was now an atheist. I am in my early thirties and am a skeptic and a comfortable atheist, but one thing still haunts me.

And now for the reason I posted: I am afraid that I haven't completely shaken my hardwired fears of hell. I fear that if I were facing imminent death I would ask for God's forgiveness and go back to religion. It's sometimes in the back of my mind. I know it is irrational, and I know there is no evidence, and in no other way do I feel tied to religious beliefs, but it was such a huge part of my childhood I'm not sure I am free of it. When I thought my son was dying once I asked for God's help even though I don't believe in him. I would have done anything to help him, even if I knew it wasn't really real, just in the chance that it could help. In my normal life I am very skeptical and reasonable but my emotions lead me to superstitious beliefs in times of stress. Any advice?

[Poison Tree]

"Vows made in storms are forgotten in calm"

I think it is natural, when under great stress or in a panic, to reach back to something that used to comfort you. I know there have been a few times over the years, since I've been an atheist, when I suddenly realized that I was in the middle of a prayer. When something was, truthfully, part of you it is not as if you can simply flip a switch and turn it off, especially if it is stress related.

I am also certain that everyone has moments of irrational panic--I sure do. Lately they tend to be focused on hypochondrial ailments for me. The other month I pinched my finger in a faulty switch and managed to convince myself it was a black widow bite, until I managed to calm down enough to realize there was no web, no spider and an obvious jagged edge of broken plastic where I'd put my finger. It took seconds of rational thought, I just had 2 minutes of out-of-my-head panic first. As soon as it was over I felt like a complete idiot, but in the moment there was just fear and panic. Obviously the two cases (black widow and hell) are not analogous, but the way in the moment panic blocks clear thought is applicable to both.

I remember 'the god delusion' having a discussion of a therapist who helps people dealing with a fear of hell, and searching for her brought up this link. The advice there, and given in the many comments may be helpful to you, and searching more about her (Jill Mytton) may turn up more helpful sources--I see that there is a rather long interview of her, but have not watched it to see how much deals with this topic.

[WitchSabrina]

I grew up a Christian. My parents didn't really push me and allowed me to choose but I grew up in a very conservatice Christian area and I got a lot of push from friends. I went to a big church and tried to fit in. One thing that really struck me was the fear of hell. I learned about hell at too young an age and believed it was completely real and was convinced that when I died I would go there. Once, there was an earthquake in the middle of the night, and I woke up completely convinced I was being dragged down to hell. I had constant nightmares and anxiety about it. When I was a preteen a friend told me that masturbation was something God hated, and I went home and cried, convinced that I would go to hell for that and had constant guilt about it until much later in life.

As I slowly drifted away from religion because I never really felt strongly connected to God or that my prayers were helping in any way, I asked again and again for reassurance from God but nothing ever came. I eventually called myself agnostic, and just in the past year realized I was now an atheist. I am in my early thirties and am a skeptic and a comfortable atheist, but one thing still haunts me.

And now for the reason I posted: I am afraid that I haven't completely shaken my hardwired fears of hell. I fear that if I were facing imminent death I would ask for God's forgiveness and go back to religion. It's sometimes in the back of my mind. I know it is irrational, and I know there is no evidence, and in no other way do I feel tied to religious beliefs, but it was such a huge part of my childhood I'm not sure I am free of it. When I thought my son was dying once I asked for God's help even though I don't believe in him. I would have done anything to help him, even if I knew it wasn't really real, just in the chance that it could help. In my normal life I am very skeptical and reasonable but my emotions lead me to superstitious beliefs in times of stress. Any advice?

The basic human superstition of 'something bigger than yourself' has been a product sold since the dawn of time. So don't count yourself crazy for having a part of you that thinks such things.  And taking 100% responsibility for ALL your own actions and decisions is pretty scary when its easier to blame something else - like hell.
So - taking that final step to decide it's you and Only you figuring out the 'good' or 'bad' day to day life experience can be a bit daunting. Sounds like you're nearly there.
Advice?  Not sure I have any. When hell yawns before you just remember there was no reason for hell till Jesus was invented.  No need for a hero unless there's a fear he can save you from - right?  The very foundation of all the Bruce Willis movies.... and hundreds of years of novels written.
Gotta be a bad guy in order for there to be a "Good" guy.

simply really.

I think you're doing pretty good figuring all this out on your own.

[Solitary]

I can't speak for anyone else just myself. I'm not afraid of being dead, but all the times I have came close to dying I have been afraid even to the point of horror and dread of the finality of it, and I have never believed in hell since I was six years old. I always read where Einstein says that death is not something to fear because its not logical, and every time I read that the person forgets the second part where he said: "and yet we do."

Add hell into the picture even makes it worse. When we have previously traumatic events as memories the original emotions come out again when thinking about the event that caused them. That's why the old saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is not true in the least, in fact every time you go through a traumatic event you get weaker. This is the bases of PTSD, because each event causes a physical change in the brain. Solitary

[Mister Agenda]

Welcome, unceasing. It is not a moral failure to turn to childhood beliefs in extreme duress, it's just how our minds work. It's not unusual for a badly wounded man to ask for his mother even though he knows she's half a world away. It never occurred to me to pray when I had open-heart surgery, but I'd been an atheist for several years by then, and it's not that analogous to having your legs blown off by a mine. If that happened to me, I might pray like I'm Pat Robertson during an earthquake. Impossible to know until it happens...no point in worrying about it until then or being ashamed of it if it does happen.

[Solitary]

=D>  Good point! Solitary

[Satt]

It sounds like you were brainwashed just like I was in my childhood. I hope you can overcome your fears.

[Eric1958]

Welcome to the forum. I've watched several youtube videos of Richard Dawkins and he's made it plain that he thinks indoctrinating children the way you were is nothing short of child abuse. What you describe makes me understand why he makes such a point of that.

For myself it didn't seem like such a big deal. My parents never tried to scare me with that and the churches they went to didn't either. My dad was 7th day adventist and my mom is Lutheran. I had my choice, I could go to church on Saturday with dad or on Sunday with mom. I didn't have to go to both, but I had to go to one.

Once I got to high school, I hung out with born again evangelicals and they were much more into the whole "believe the right way or spend eternity in hell" thing. But by that age I think it did less long term harm.

I really wouldn't worry about praying in really stressful times. It's completely understandable.

[Poison Tree]

My dad was 7th day adventist and my mom is Lutheran.

I was raised SDA. While hell is not a teaching of the church, I've had pastors describe things that start to border on hell--one in particular said that the "second death" would be slower and more painful based on a person's crimes, because that was clearly the only moral thing to do. Still, I was obviously aware of the stereotypical view of hell, but it simply can't hold the same terror and grip upon me as having hell actively drilled into me constantly would have done, and has done for others. I think about how long it took me to overcome the indoctrination of young earth creationism and imagine how much harder it would be to shake hell with the added fear value and lack of abundant real-world refutation.

[unceasingfaun]

Sorry I am just now getting back to you all. I am in the process of moving. I really appreciate all of the comments and feedback and it certainly makes me feel more okay with things. It may be something I have with me the rest of my life. I actually told my wife about this conversation and the comments you all left and she admitted to me that when we thought our son was dying she prayed to God and said that if our son lived she would become a Christian. He ended up making it, and my wife isn't a Christian, and that's okay. We both laughed about it and I think I just accept that resorting to literally anything in desperation is natural. I will still work on releasing myself from the fear of hell and the default fallback on a higher power which I don't believe in, but I'm sure it will take most of my life to get there, if I ever do.

[LikelyToBreak]

There was some pretty good advice from everyone.

I think the only thing I can add is that it just takes time.  You can't rewire, so to speak, your brain overnight.  I think it took me just a couple of years to get over the fear of hell, but then I didn't get in really deep into Christianity for too long.

Definitely don't feel ashamed of yourself for these feelings.  It is a normal thing to go through.  And if any atheist challenges you on it, keep in mind they are just being turd-heads.  Yeah, there are turd-head atheists too.  Take me for instance.  

[Savior2006]

There was some pretty good advice from everyone.

I think the only thing I can add is that it just takes time.  You can't rewire, so to speak, your brain overnight.  I think it took me just a couple of years to get over the fear of hell, but then I didn't get in really deep into Christianity for too long.

Definitely don't feel ashamed of yourself for these feelings.  It is a normal thing to go through.  And if any atheist challenges you on it, keep in mind they are just being turd-heads.  Yeah, there are turd-head atheists too.  Take me for instance.  

lol exactly.

[Aleps]

Good luck, from what you describe, I am starting to think I have it lucky. My dear mother is the only believer in my family, and she is the passive aggressive "I am disappointed in you, but your free to go to hell if you like" type.

[FrankDK]

Mark Twain was once asked if he'd rather go to Heaven or Hell.  He responded, "Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."  All the interesting people would be in Hell, if there were such a place.

I can assure you that childhood fables lose their power with time.  I have been an atheist for many years, having been a Bible-believing, born again Christian before that.  The nonsense fades gradually.

[s:2ty9dibn]Good luck.[/s:2ty9dibn]  May random chance operate in your favor.

Frank

[stromboli]

Welcome. Leaving Mormonism, it took me years to get past a life time of ingrained fears- hell being one of them. Just remember it is all a package- if there is no god, there is no heaven. If there is no heaven, there is no hell.