I'm back.

[NilDesperandum]

Hello, Poison Tree. Before, I was called a troll and a theist purporting to be an atheist. I was not trolling, though I certainly am now. After my initial comment, someone said a "preemptive" goodbye, hinting I said something that wasn't kosher. All I said was a lot of atheists I know are intolerant as theists. No one believed I was an atheist myself, no matter how I appealed to them. (I was much more polite and even apologetic.) Everyone called me a "sock puppet" and a "theist troll." I know what I am, and I'm no theist. Drunken, for fun, I decided to come back after more internet experience and give it back to you people who lambast the intolerance of theism and advocate the intolerance of atheism. That's all. It's simple.

[Poison Tree]

Well, it is too bad that a false accusation of being a troll has turned you into an actual troll. I hope no one ever falsely accuses you of murder. Besides blowing off a little steam and perhaps having some fun--as you are now a self admitted troll, I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you, as a stand in for all trolls, do you truly derive pleasure from trolling? I just have a hard time seeing the appeal in it--I suspect all you have done in created in the minds of those who previously called you a troll a post hoc justification for their previous view of you. Someone seeing you trolling now may be disinclined to extend to you the benefit of the doubt concerning your previous activities.

[Solitary]

"No man" is a figure of speech. It means I fear no person, not animal, nor any force. I am dead already. Tell me your war stories and I'll tell you mine. You'd cry. Your war stories are unicorn rides.

You're not going to try and cure me now are you? I killed a little girl when given orders to shoot into a building that was suppose to be the enemy. I have my right forearm lacerated by shrapnel that cut all the ligaments, nerves, and both arteries. This was operated on with out anesthesia until I had an out of body experience from lack of blood. I cannot spread my fingers because the nerve for that was used for the nerve that would not grow back for my thumb. When this happened I was blinded by the flash and had ringing in my ears that also made me partly deaf in my left ear. I still have ringing in both ears. I have three bullet holes in my belly and a bulge that I hate sticking out.

When this happened I looked over at a CO who's head was missing and threw up. I've seen many woman bending over their son that was only a head and upper body. I was a tunnel rat that killed with just a bayonet and my bare hands. I saw little girls and woman bare naked with napalm burns on their arms and legs with the skin falling off. I've had to put men's intestines back in that were laying next to them with them screaming in pain and fear. I know what it is like to feel horror and the dread of dying or getting maimed. I hate people because hell is other people, besides war. I know what it's like to feel free floating anxiety and full blown panic attacks. I know what it's like to carry an 8-10 year old girl in my arms that said she was scared and I told her I wouldn't let go of her that died in my arms. I held her until I was forced to let go and haven't been right since.

I strangled a man that was six foot six when I was young after he hit me and knocked me down. If I hadn't been pulled off I would have killed him. When I was younger and drank I got meaner than hell. When I was in high school I used to street fight for the fun of it. That was until I got the crap beat out of me after getting my head slammed into a wall. I have almost died while skydiving because of a faulty pilot chute spring that made the chute get caught on the reserve eyelet and hook. That caused another OB experience.

I have had a red out in a flat spin from a HALO jump and was saved by an automatic opener. My dad was a Sargent in the Army that trained me to be the perfect soldier from day one. I believe he made me into a psychopath that didn't feel anything for years until I started to shake all over and had all my emotions and feelings come out that were repressed in order to survive after taking shrooms. Until I recently got Paroxetine for treatment I have been in hell. I still can't remember all the crap I've been through that is buried. What I remember is all I can take. All I know is I will never fight again forever, I'll die first.  :Hangman:    Solitary

[NilDesperandum]

Poison Tree: Assume I was convicted for a murder I did not commit. I was sent to prison. I was gang raped. I was beaten by guards. I was put into solitary. Everything was arbitrary and I had to live by the rules of might makes right, and no one listened to my pleas of innocence. Why not become a killer? Yes, if I am treated like a troll (when I was just a naive nube to forums) by people who purport to hate prejudice and authoritarianism, I might as well be a troll. I am a troll now. If I weren't and still advocated my opinion, you'd still call me a troll. Being a troll is the only power over the intolerant authoritarians. I lost my virginity by rape here. Why not fuck you? What's good for the goose must be good for the gander.

[Solitary]

You sound like a cry baby pussy to me.



You're not going to try and cure me now are you? I killed a little girl when given orders to shoot into a building that was suppose to be the enemy. I have my right forearm lacerated by shrapnel that cut all the ligaments, nerves, and both arteries. This was operated on with out anesthesia until I had an out of body experience from lack of blood. I cannot spread my fingers because the nerve for that was used for the nerve that would not grow back for my thumb. When this happened I was blinded by the flash and had ringing in my ears that also made me partly deaf in my left ear. I still have ringing in both ears. I have three bullet holes in my belly and a bulge that I hate sticking out.

When this happened I looked over at a CO who's head was missing and threw up. I've seen many woman bending over their son that was only a head and upper body. I was a tunnel rat that killed with just a bayonet and my bare hands. I saw little girls and woman bare naked with napalm burns on their arms and legs with the skin falling off. I've had to put men's intestines back in that were laying next to them with them screaming in pain and fear. I know what it is like to feel horror and the dread of dying or getting maimed. I hate people because hell is other people, besides war. I know what it's like to feel free floating anxiety and full blown panic attacks. I know what it's like to carry an 8-10 year old girl in my arms that said she was scared and I told her I wouldn't let go of her that died in my arms. I held her until I was forced to let go and haven't been right since.

I strangled a man that was six foot six when I was young after he hit me and knocked me down. If I hadn't been pulled off I would have killed him. When I was younger and drank I got meaner than hell. When I was in high school I used to street fight for the fun of it. That was until I got the crap beat out of me after getting my head slammed into a wall. I have almost died while skydiving because of a faulty pilot chute spring that made the chute get caught on the reserve eyelet and hook. That caused another OB experience.

I have had a red out in a flat spin from a HALO jump and was saved by an automatic opener. My dad was a Sargent in the Army that trained me to be the perfect soldier from day one. I believe he made me into a psychopath that didn't feel anything for years until I started to shake all over and had all my emotions and feelings come out that were repressed in order to survive after taking shrooms. Until I recently got Paroxetine for treatment I have been in hell. I still can't remember all the crap I've been through that is buried. What I remember is all I can take. All I know is I will never fight again forever, I'll die first. :Hangman: Solitary

[NilDesperandum]

Solitary: I respect your perspective. However, I have been the victim of similar crimes you speak about. I have medical treatments three days a week because of it. My life is a constant medical treatment, and I am unable to do anything but. I do not have a life. I would die within a week if I stopped treatment. I know death. I've been clinically dead. I've wished I were dead. Not to diminish the anguish and the scars you have by the actions you've caused. I suppose we both live a tragic existence, looking for solace. Religion is not the answer. Neither is anti-religion.

[Poison Tree]

If you were wrongly convicted of being a killer you would become a killer

That saddens me many times more than it frightens me. If I were still a christian I'd say a prayer for you; as I'm not--and as wishes seem to have the same value and effectiveness as prayer--I'll just hope you are less bitter when sober and/or that you will eventually heal from the deep pain us internet poopy-heads have clearly inflicted upon your innocent, virginal heart.

[NilDesperandum]

Solitary: Upon further reflection, I apologize. Sincerely. I underestimated the trauma you've experienced personally, having lived through all of that. Life is awful and wonderful. God is not a part of it. You've reminded me humans are their own worst enemies, and looking for an internet tussle, I fvcked up with you. I take back the unicorn statement. My fight was really with previous posters who treated me ill. I am man enough to regret in public my mistakes. Please take that into account.

[NilDesperandum]

Poison Tree: I've become a troll, not a murderer. I was using your analogy to make a point. If will be abused under all circumstances, I will abuse back. Don't get Christian on me.

[NilDesperandum]

And speaking of "cry baby pussies". Look no further than the atheist establishment.

[Solitary]

Solitary: I respect your perspective. However, I have been the victim of similar crimes you speak about. I have medical treatments three days a week because of it. My life is a constant medical treatment, and I am unable to do anything but. I do not have a life. I would die within a week if I stopped treatment. I know death. I've been clinically dead. I've wished I were dead. Not to diminish the anguish and the scars you have by the actions you've caused. I suppose we both live a tragic existence, looking for solace. Religion is not the answer. Neither is anti-religion.

I have been clinically dead three times also. I have to wear a damned pan because I have incontinence, I have to take paroxetine, Lisinopril, Warfarin daily, have a blood test every week, and an MRI once a year to see if a pituitary tumor comes back. I had prostate cancer operated on and removed, five more operations after that because I couldn't pee. I spent two weeks in the hospital when I was suppose to go home the same day after my small intestine quit working that made my stomach swell up to the size of a basketball with nausea and unbearable pain for three days until I made myself throw up, and then the fun of swallowing a gastric tube to pump my stomach after. I broke the hospital record for distance and amount from vomiting.

What I'm going through is nothing compared to my younger son that is 45. He was born a hunchback and has been in pain since birth. He goes every month to a pain specialist that has tried everything with no success. the medicine either doesn't work, makes him constipated, or he gets deathly sick from it. He has a half a lung on his left side that used to bleed all the time. the dye they used to use for cat scans and MRI's left him with a kidney problem because he only has one kidney. He has to be on oxygen if he gets too active. He's what keeps me going. I know how you feel, I don't fear death at all, but I sure fear life when I'm in unbearable pain, or in panic attacks that have subsided now. Thank God we will die sooner or later. :shock:    Solitary

[Solitary]

Solitary: Upon further reflection, I apologize. Sincerely. I underestimated the trauma you've experienced personally, having lived through all of that. Life is awful and wonderful. God is not a part of it. You've reminded me humans are their own worst enemies, and looking for an internet tussle, I fvcked up with you. I take back the unicorn statement. My fight was really with previous posters who treated me ill. I am man enough to regret in public my mistakes. Please take that into account.

Not a problem at all. It's been fun. That was an invisible pink unicorn wasn't sir?    Take care man!  8-)  Solitary

[NilDesperandum]

Thanks Solitary. I myself have spent an entire year in the hospital as the world moved on and left me behind. Endless needle sticks, medical tests, plasmaphersis, dialysis, intractable pain. And all while I was not more than 21. I was cut down in my prime, when the whole world seemed my oyster. I only lived because my family begged me to. Life is dealing with process of dying and watching those you love die. This brings me back to how I originally posted here before I decided to troll the trolls. These are the conversations I am used to. I originally thought this place would be cathartic, a place for me to commiserate with people who did not offer trite condolences referring to a god, a place where people with real suffering lived life and persevered and derived meaning from the nothingness that is life without superstition. I don't believe in a god, but I fully agree with what you said. "Thank God we die sooner or later." Death is the only escape. Again, I apologize. I was talking shit because of the anonymity of the internet and drink as fuel. I needed a whipping boy. I got something better though: interacting with you. Sounds corny, I don't care. I'm sure you detest me, and I can deal with that, but I've been sobered by your reality check.

[Solitary]

Thanks Solitary. I myself have spent an entire year in the hospital as the world moved on and left me behind. Endless needle sticks, medical tests, plasmaphersis, dialysis, intractable pain. And all while I was not more than 21. I was cut down in my prime, when the whole world seemed my oyster. I only lived because my family begged me to. Life is dealing with process of dying and watching those you love die. This brings me back to how I originally posted here before I decided to troll the trolls. These are the conversations I am used to. I originally thought this place would be cathartic, a place for me to commiserate with people who did not offer trite condolences referring to a god, a place where people with real suffering lived life and persevered and derived meaning from the nothingness that is life without superstition. I don't believe in a god, but I fully agree with what you said. "Thank God we die sooner or later." Death is the only escape. Again, I apologize. I was talking shit because of the anonymity of the internet and drink as fuel. I needed a whipping boy. I got something better though: interacting with you. Sounds corny, I don't care. I'm sure you detest me, and I can deal with that, but I've been sobered by your reality check.

I and no way detest you! I came here this last time and the time before for psychotherapy, so I understand. Right off the bat I was flamed just because my opinion wasn't agreed upon. Most of the people here are OK, but there are a few that need to grow up and get off their I'm smarter than you BS. It actually made me feel better to interact with you and talk about shit. ttfn Bill

[NilDesperandum]

Me too, brother. Thanks and good night. Be well.