the other jokes

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Vegetarian" is an old Indian word, meaning "I don't hunt so good."

Gary Larsen.

[Unbeliever]

One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and killed the two dead boys.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Do you have any of that left? [puppyeyes]

[Unbeliever]

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

[Unbeliever]

Yesterday I bought a decaffeinated coffee table. Looking at it, you can't tell.

[Unbeliever]

I was talking to a squirrel in the park the other day, and he looked at me like I was nuts! 🐿

[Mr.Obvious]

Two pizza's are sitting in an oven.

Says the first pizza: "Oh boy, it sure is getting hot in here."

To which the other replies: "Oh my god! A talking pizza?!"

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I was talking to a squirrel in the park the other day, and he looked at me like I was nuts! 🐿

You should keep your eyes above the waist.

[Unbeliever]

Waist not, want not.

[Mr.Obvious]

How are anti-vaxxers' kids like this joke?

They never get old.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

How are anti-vaxxers' kids like this joke?

They never get old.

Unfortunately, stupid seems to be a robust defense against a lot of things. Like reality, logic, kindness.

[Unbeliever]

I just realized that the great thing about having no teeth is that I'll never get long in the tooth.

[Hydra009]

My first day as a Power Ranger:

> Wearing my blue overalls with blue t-shirt and blue plaid flannel.  My glasses?  Also blue.  Just laying low, being as inconspicuous as possible.
> Putties attack!  They...I don't know, attack a couple kids at a playground.  The putties don't hurt them exactly, but corner them in one of those geo dome climber things.  If they don't leave soon, those kids will get bored and maybe a little parched.  I gotta do something fast!
> Take my trusty contrabass clarinet out of my back pocket
> Play the first 10 seconds of Soundgarden's Rusty Cage
> Somewhere where there's simultaneously an active volcano, a crescent-shaped atoll, and a blue-purple aurora borealis, a hidden cavern opens and a life-sized Kentrosaurus vehicle runs a couple meters from its storage bay to the beginnings of a hidden rail line somehow built under the sea bed that accelerates it to me within 20 seconds.
> I jump in and start blasting the bad guys with gauss autocannons, railguns, and tungsten flak.  With Bulk and Skul neutralized, I then turn my attention on the putties.  I look at my console and slam my fist on the big red button.  I wonder what it does.  I can't understand the label because it's written in french...(I want to say foie gras?  No wait, it's fougasse).  The Kentrosaurus's eyes glow and smoke fumes out from the dinosaur's spikes for about a minute and then the spikes glow for about 10 seconds as power builds until the spikes finally discharge a sort of lightning that ignites the gas, transforming it into a hellish firestorm.
> FF7 victory fanfare plays
> The other power rangers look at me funny.  Something about needing to wait till the enemy gets giant-sized.
> "Why wait?  I don't get it."
> Apparently, no one knows why
> I shrug.  "That sounds like a you problem."
> I treat everyone to icecream after half the city is razed to the ground

[Unbeliever]

"You can fool some of the people some of the time, but it's hard to sleep with a lobster who takes all the covers."
Chuck Barris

[Unbeliever]

"50% of something is better than 100% of nothing."
Chuck Barris