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the other jokes

Started by Cassia, August 08, 2022, 11:53:41 AM

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#15
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M

#16
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Mike Cl

Quote from: ManUfan on January 23, 2023, 04:30:22 PMWhy couldn't the elephants swim?


They'd forgotten their trunks.


Kill me now.
Elephant jokes--it's been ages!!

Why do elephants have big balls??  They like to dance.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?  To hide in the strawberry patch.

Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?  To spring through the trees raping monkeys.  What's the worst sound an monkey can hear??  Sprong, sprong..........................

Okay, okay, I'll stop.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

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#18
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the_antithesis

Quote from: Mike Cl on January 24, 2023, 10:34:02 AMElephant jokes--it's been ages!!...

I can never remember elephant jokes.

Mike Cl

Quote from: the_antithesis on January 28, 2023, 01:52:45 PMI can never remember elephant jokes.
It is a curse! 
Why do elephants lay on their backs with their feet in the air?  They like to trip bluebirds. 
Okay--enough, right?

What about Bob jokes?  Okay..............
What do you call an armless, legless man in a swimming pool? Bob
What do you call an armless, legless man by the front door? Matt
What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on the wall? Art.

And everybody's fav, ethenic jokes--from 65 years ago (I don't tell these anymore, so the following is not from me)
What is the world's smallest book?  The book of Italian (or French, or Polish or...........) war heroes.
Why do fly' s have wings?  To beat the Italians (Or Irish, or Polish, or.............) to the trash cans.
How can you tell who the bride is at a Polish wedding?  She is wearing a pressed bowling shirt--or she has her armpits breaded.

Brought to you by the good old days.....................
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

M

#21


Th

Unbeliever

#22
Quote from: Mike Cl on January 28, 2023, 02:12:58 PMIt is a curse!

What about Bob jokes?  Okay..............
What do you call an armless, legless man in a swimming pool? Bob
What do you call an armless, legless man by the front door? Matt
What do you call an armless, legless man hanging on the wall? Art.

Brought to you by the good old days.....................
The only one of those I ever devised was:
What do you call an armless, legless man in the air over Iraq?
Sam

I came up with that one about 20 years ago, when it was more relevant.
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Dark Lightning

Armless, legless man in a bush- Russel.

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#24
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Mike Cl

Terrible jokes in my teen years.
What is short, fat and goes, putt, putt??
A short fat Indian on a golf course.

What is black, white, black, white, black, white, black, white, black and blue?
A nun falling down the stairs.

What do you call a Mexican Knight?
The Chosen Juan.

Since we (atheists) eat babies--the following:
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends upon how hard you throw them.

How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends upon how thin you slice them.

Blonde jokes--there were tons of those...............

What can strike a blonde without her (or him) even knowing about it?
A thought.

How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Cassia

I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes.

She had a nasty habit.

M

#27
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M

What happened when Jesus went to mount olive?
Popeye kicked the shit out of him.

What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit the frogs middle finger.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

I was going to buy eight legs of venison but it was too dear.

What's red and goes around knocking on windows?
A baby in a microwave.

What's red and sits in a corner?
A naughty strawberry.

It's really annoying having a wife called Alexa.

drunkenshoe

"his philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -the cynics, the stoics and the epicureans-and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, 'you can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.'" terry pratchett