Why Religion; Choir, Daylight Savings Time, & Guns Don't Mix Well

[Flanker1Six]

Aaaahhhh!!!!   I've intrigued you!  Names have been changed to protect the guilty!   I'm not certain if this should be here or in the joke section.  Fuck it!  There's a church and choir involved! 

20+ years ago; when I was PM Shift Commander at the prison I received a call one morning from  Commander B at a different prison.  Commander B asked if Officer J (from my shift) had reported for duty that day?  He had not!  Commander B told me there was a good reason for that; then noted it was the spring Daylight Savings Time switch (Spring Ahead-advance the clock one hour).  Officer J's wife worked at Commander B's prison on the third shift.  Wife J had gotten out of work at 0600 hours, and had "burned rubber" leaving the parking lot (noted by several witnesses--she was normally a vary sedate driver).  Upon arriving home; Wife J stormed into the home, and into the bedroom; where Officer J, AND the female church choir member he was in bed with, had neglected to Spring Ahead and get up an hour earlier!!!  Whhooppss!!!  Screaming and invective ensue!!!!!  Followed by the justly irritated, and greatly offended Wife J producing a small caliber semi automatic handgun, and firing a round at Officer J (still in bed with the now SCREAMING and arm waving choir girl).  BTW:  Officer and Wife J were also choir members.

Said round struck Officer J at an angle in the head; penetrating the skin, but not the skull; traveling part way around the circumference of the skull before exiting the skin.  This cause and effect immediately impressed the seriousness of the situation on Officer J; who lept naked from bed, bleeding profusely, and run from bedroom through the home and out the front door into the lawn.  Officer J was hotly pursued by the pistol waving, and VERY angry Wife J; who felt she hadn't adequately made her point yet!  The Choir Girl was smart enough to jump up, grab her clothes, leap out the bedroom window, and run off in a different direction.   As the pistol waving Wife J exited the front door onto the porch; Officer J quickly deduced (Criminal Justice Professionals have all had formal observation and decision making training) it was time for him to BE SOMEWHERE ELSE!   Quickly fleeing across the front lawn; the naked and bleeding Officer J executed a classic low hurdles leap across the decorative picket fence into the neighbors yard.  UNFORTUNATELY for him........................Wife J simultaneously fired off shot number two; which struck Officer J in mid leap; SHOOTING OFF A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF HIS SCROTUM and the testicle it was covering!   Ouch! 

Thus concluded Commander B's sad tale of tarnished and betrayed Christian Fraternity, compounded by inattention to detail, and expert firearms handling!  Commander B told me he thought it was a pretty good reason for Officer J to not report to work.  I agreed. 

As an aside; Commander B noted that a few weeks previously; Wife J had been unable to successfully pass annual pistol qualification (failing all three attempts miserably; in fact).  I noted this was likely the result of their substandard training program failing to PROPERLY MOTIVATE the woman to shoot straight. 

YEA!!!!  But how'd it end, Flanker??!!   

OK, OK, OK,.........................Officer J was completely uncooperative with local authorities; avoiding them for over a year.  The most they could hang on Wife J was two misdemeanors (assault & battery and unlawful discharge of firearm inside the city limits----at this late a date---I think).  One year in jail; six months time served--fired from the prison (I still think they should have given her a marksmans badge before firing her LOL!).   

They got back together!   Starting a Home Church; operating out of their premises!  They eventually moved to another state, and the last I heard were both working for the prison system there. 

[stromboli]

And to think I could have been a Corrections officer..... I worked for the Fed. Protective Service (then under GSA) for 19 months after leaving my employment with Provo City UT. That's where I carried a gun. didn't hire on for that, but wound up doing it. The FPS is now under Homeland Security.

I had access to the Border Patrol and other services, had I chosen to join. Didn't and glad I didn't. did have a friend from high school that worked in corrections. He wasn't overly fond of his job, but he was an underling. A non Mormon in Utah, and that never works well.

[Flanker1Six]

Hey!  I messed up the original post  ...............only posted half the story.  It's all there now! 

[stromboli]

Rule: never cheat on a spouse that carries guns.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

One of my shipmates woke up with a 12 gauge shotgun aimed at his crotch. The boy got religion right then and there. His girlfriend left him and his wife moved in with her. We had a great deal of fun with that.

[stromboli]

One of my shipmates woke up with a 12 gauge shotgun aimed at his crotch. The boy got religion right then and there. His girlfriend left him and his wife moved in with her. We had a great deal of fun with that.

Had a similar incident with a guy that liked to carouse at various clubs while the wife sat at home between patrols. Best not give your wife the key to the gun cabinet and run around on her.

[widdershins]

I spent the prime cheating years of my marriage working opposite shifts with the wife to reduce daycare costs.  I came home each night to 2-4 hungry kids, depending on the year, sometimes with various sport, Scout (before I knew they were a religious organization) or other engagements.  By the time she got home kids were usually still preparing for bed.  I didn't have any time for cheating, not that I had the desire to anyway.  It did get me a good laugh years later, though, when Romney's wife was talking about how very hard it is to raise children and how it was no different than working.  I laughed pretty hard at the idea of some entitled bitch who never had to do BOTH telling me how hard it was after I spent 10 years going from work to kids to bed, repeat.

[Flanker1Six]

I spent the prime cheating years of my marriage working opposite shifts with the wife to reduce daycare costs.  I came home each night to 2-4 hungry kids, depending on the year, sometimes with various sport, Scout (before I knew they were a religious organization) or other engagements.  By the time she got home kids were usually still preparing for bed.  I didn't have any time for cheating, not that I had the desire to anyway.  It did get me a good laugh years later, though, when Romney's wife was talking about how very hard it is to raise children and how it was no different than working.  I laughed pretty hard at the idea of some entitled bitch who never had to do BOTH telling me how hard it was after I spent 10 years going from work to kids to bed, repeat.

LOL!   My ex and I did the same thing as our kids were growing.  She was usually on days while PMs suited me better.   But, at least the kids got full time adult supervision (It worked! They both old us they didn't like it!). 

Didn't work out so well for me.  My ex was the cheater...............I let it slide the first time..........after round two; she had to go!   Never felt any urge to cap her or the boyfriends.  Wasn't their fault (if she hadn't made herself available they would have been in the picture; eehh?), and she wasn't worth it.   

[widdershins]

LOL!   My ex and I did the same thing as our kids were growing.  She was usually on days while PMs suited me better.   But, at least the kids got full time adult supervision (It worked! They both old us they didn't like it!). 

Didn't work out so well for me.  My ex was the cheater...............I let it slide the first time..........after round two; she had to go!   Never felt any urge to cap her or the boyfriends.  Wasn't their fault (if she hadn't made herself available they would have been in the picture; eehh?), and she wasn't worth it.   

LOL, for some reason that just reminded me of a line from McClintock.

"You wouldn't know it but twenty years ago she was a mighty handsome maid."

Try saying that about a woman TODAY and see if she'll laugh about it like she did in the movie.