I was here 5 years ago as a militant christian..

[Dionysiou]

I still remember a couple users that i argued with for months, the only name i remember is louis though.  I understand the feeling of losing your faith now. Back then, when folks here said they were pastors sons or daughters,  i just didn't get it. How could someone like that fall from the faith?

It's a shitty feeling and i'm surprised how much i find myself wanting to argue with Christians now. Almost like a form of lashing out because i know how fragile their belief actually is. It sounds horrible but I'm pissed at them for pretending to have all the answers. Religion is the biggest cope on the planet but you can't openly admit it.

Still, it feels great when you think you hold the golden ticket of the universe. The sense of comfort and community church brings. Who'd want to give that up? 

It was actually through the course of being an apologist that my critical issues arose. The more you get into it, the harder it is to defend your position. Maybe i was just an amateur apologist but i even went as far as to send one through to "gotquestions". They seemed to have an answer for everything. Not this time though, they gave me a hopeless response which didn't even address my question. The guy in the email was an old man too, well versed in the game. If he couldn't do it, how the hell can I? I am aware of christians magical ability to ignore things they don't understand but i'm completely honest with myself, at least, and was unable to cast aside logic.

Anyway, i fear i've become a cynical person now. It's a bitch. I mean i still have that good natured, happy-go-lucky kid inside me but I've scared the little guy away. He was too weak for this place.

I've removed a lot of fears though and sex is great.

Overall, i'd say that i used to be a genuinely good guy. Not anymore.

I remember someone here once said, "If the bible/heaven and hell is the only thing Christians have as a moral compass, it says a lot about them. "   

Completely true, i have no inclination to do anything for anyone. I mean i mentally see the contrast between how i was and how i am. Doing good and doing evil. I just don't have a reason to care. It's like everything i do doesn't really matter anyway so I do what benefits me most.

I also realise that alleged christians and non Christians alike have been doing this forever. Now, i too, am enjoying the decline.

cack

[gentle_dissident]

I'm a good person because I'm in touch with my emotions. I've caught Hell for being sensitive, intelligent, and creative. My town thought I might be gay. This leads me to believe that many are suppressing sensitivity, intelligence, and creativity due to the social ramifications.

As far as being cynical goes, I try to be wise instead. I understand that life and memories are wonderful things we have for a relatively short time. I understand that nothing means anything. I actually find this cruel joke of nature funny. We evolved into highly intelligent and emotional beings, which both fostered our progress and made us schizophrenic. The irony alone is worth a comedy series.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

You can still be a good person and care about your fellow human being without the big and little spook in the sky. It really doesn't depend on magic to give food or even money to someone who is going hungry. Empathy doesn't depend on whether you believe in sky spooky or not.
If you're walking down the street and run across someone bleeding in horrible pain do you now since you've stopped believing just walk past them and say, 'Sorry! I'd like to help, but I stopped believing in god so I can't help.'?
If that's your idea of atheism then I'm afraid you've missed the boat. 

[Mike Cl]

I still remember a couple users that i argued with for months, the only name i remember is louis though.  I understand the feeling of losing your faith now. Back then, when folks here said they were pastors sons or daughters,  i just didn't get it. How could someone like that fall from the faith?

It's a shitty feeling and i'm surprised how much i find myself wanting to argue with Christians now. Almost like a form of lashing out because i know how fragile their belief actually is. It sounds horrible but I'm pissed at them for pretending to have all the answers. Religion is the biggest cope on the planet but you can't openly admit it.

Still, it feels great when you think you hold the golden ticket of the universe. The sense of comfort and community church brings. Who'd want to give that up? 

It was actually through the course of being an apologist that my critical issues arose. The more you get into it, the harder it is to defend your position. Maybe i was just an amateur apologist but i even went as far as to send one through to "gotquestions". They seemed to have an answer for everything. Not this time though, they gave me a hopeless response which didn't even address my question. The guy in the email was an old man too, well versed in the game. If he couldn't do it, how the hell can I? I am aware of christians magical ability to ignore things they don't understand but i'm completely honest with myself, at least, and was unable to cast aside logic.

Anyway, i fear i've become a cynical person now. It's a bitch. I mean i still have that good natured, happy-go-lucky kid inside me but I've scared the little guy away. He was too weak for this place.

I've removed a lot of fears though and sex is great.

Overall, i'd say that i used to be a genuinely good guy. Not anymore.

I remember someone here once said, "If the bible/heaven and hell is the only thing Christians have as a moral compass, it says a lot about them. "   

Completely true, i have no inclination to do anything for anyone. I mean i mentally see the contrast between how i was and how i am. Doing good and doing evil. I just don't have a reason to care. It's like everything i do doesn't really matter anyway so I do what benefits me most.

I also realise that alleged christians and non Christians alike have been doing this forever. Now, i too, am enjoying the decline.

cack

Good for you!  Reason trumped belief in your life--many go lifetimes without wanting to use reason.  You say "Overall, i'd say that i used to be a genuinely good guy. Not anymore. "  It seems to me you would be a more genuine guy right now--isn't that good?  I find that now that I have discarded belief as something to act upon, that I am better at being 'good' (I define that in my own personal way) than ever before.  I now do good because I want to, not because I have to.

[Baruch]

Dionysiou ... keep at it, and you will find new ways to be good, and motivation to be good.  Becoming fully adult is hard work, takes a lifetime.

[kilodelta]

Look into "enlightened self-interest." That's my approach.

[mauricio]

Enjoy change and evolution of your thought because when it's dull and stagnant you will miss it.

[Johan]

Congratulations on being able to look at the available information and then make a choice based on it. That alone puts you head and shoulders above a large percentage of the population. That being said, I sincerely hope you eventually come to realize two things.

1. Its not the fear of eternal consequences by an invisible sky daddy that gives you the ability to be a good person (the number of confirmed christians in prison should confirm that for you if nothing else does). You and everyone else had the ability all along and still do.

2. While the lack of any sort of eternal punishment can make it great fun to allow yourself to be a complete dickhead, ultimately life is generally far more rewarding and far richer by being the kind of person you'd like other people to be.

[Blackleaf]

I understand where you're coming from completely. First of all, congratulations. The scales have fallen from your eyes, and you have been enlightened by the truth. Your longing for the advantages of Christian life is understandable, though. Unfortunately, there is no atheist equivalent to church, to give a sense of community and belonging, or a unified purpose to work towards. It's the price for choosing the truth.

It's normal to feel like you are not as much of a good person now too. You've been programmed from a young age to see the world a certain way, and ethics is a big part of that programming. Even when you give up your faith, the parts central to your identity tend to stick around. The church teaches us that we are inherently evil, and we can't even take credit for the good that we do. But the more you sacrifice, the spiritual you can be. But if you're ever "comfortable" (a word they use to associate with being lazy), then you're a hypocrite.

You're free from this now. Give yourself a break. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, and you are not obligated to help anyone. When you do good things, it should be because you want to do good, not because of pressure to hold yourself to some ridiculous and unreasonable standards.