Affirmative consent required or you're a rapist

[doorknob]

from my stand point if a man has to ask me the answer will be no. Because at that point I'll come to the conclusion that you are an idiot.

In all my life no one has ever had to ask me if it was ok. We always just kind of thrown our selves at each other in all my sexual experiences. I never once felt raped even if I regretted it.

If you give no indication that you don't want sex and the opposite hand the guy a condom you are not being raped. It seems pretty clear to me.

I hate women who do this kind of shit. It ruins it for the women who were actually raped. It sounds like a woman who felt guilty afterward and doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions to me.

[Aletheia]

It sounds like a woman who felt guilty afterward and doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions to me.

[Jason Harvestdancer]

For some reason, too many people are threatened by the notion that they are not entitled to rape women.

I don't think that's what's going on here, but comments like that are very useful to raise the hysteria level in this thread.

[Aletheia]

I don't think that's what's going on here, but comments like that are very useful to raise the hysteria level in this thread.

I'd have to agree. Despite having the misfortune of losing a few years of my life to someone who did feel they were entitled to do things against my will, the vast majority of males (in America, at least) I've encountered, heard about from friends and family, read about in the news, and interpreted from sociological data implies that men, more often than not, would rather have consensual sex with their partners. If men were apt to use their physical superiority against women, then domestic violence and rape would be the norm for men and laws against rape would be nonexistent in our society.

For some reason, too many people are threatened by the notion that they are not entitled to rape women.

If the problem of rape is to ever hope to be solved, then it will be necessary to approach the situation with a fair and balanced view. Situations like the OP, where a woman is saying she was raped because she didn't agree with the sex she consented to defers her responsibility to any person hapless enough to have not read her mind. Considering that most of us initiate sex without actually saying that we are, and that most people who want sex are carefully looking for subtle signs in the affirmative, it isn't really possible to separate guilt for poor sexual choices from implied rape based on the person's thoughts which were contrary to their actions at the time.

Situations in which the person repeatedly expresses their desire not to have sex with said individual and the person forces them to have sex anyway unmistakably fall into the category of rape. People who actually do this to other people are a very small portion of the population.

Situations where the person cannot give consent to have sex, whether due to being under age, intoxicated, unconscious, or debilitated in some other manner, and a person has sex with them anyway, this too unmistakably falls into the category of rape. Potential victims in this category are known to be off limits by the general public and only in cases of mistaken identity (such as a 17 year old posing as 18), would a person accidentally have sex with them. Only a  tiny fraction of the population would knowingly have sex with these individuals.

It is my personal opinion that the issue of rape will continue to be a problem so long as men and women cannot work together to resolve it. If the laws we choose for ourselves can remove the option for women of less than admirable qualities to falsely accuse a man of rape and these laws can remove the tendency of some men in political power to try to marginalizing the traumatic effect rape has on not only the victim, but the trust between the genders society-wise, then we should see a greater understanding between the two genders. This is not an issue that only be solved by women and nor is it an issue that can only be solved by men. Failure to share in the empathy and the burden from both sides of the issue will only retard any and all efforts.

[Mermaid]

I don't think that's what's going on here, but comments like that are very useful to raise the hysteria level in this thread.

I have made the mistake of commenting in general and not sticking to the topic of the thread. That being said, "hysteria"? Really?

[Berati]

In high school, one of my friends used to have potential sexual partners sign a contract before sex basically absolving him of paternity rights in the event she ended up pregnant. Somehow, I doubt he'd be opposed to the idea of a sexual contract like this.

I live in contract law and that contract wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on. It's not the mother you own the duty of care to in a paternity suite, it's the child...and he/she didn't sign the contract.

[Jason Harvestdancer]

I have made the mistake of commenting in general and not sticking to the topic of the thread. That being said, "hysteria"? Really?

Yeah, I'm sure that was just a general comment.  Nothing more.  And you could have made that comment in any thread at all, and it would have been equally fitting, sure.  I expect to see that comment in a thread about creationists criticizing the big bang theory soon.

[Aletheia]

I live in contract law and that contract wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on. It's not the mother you own the duty of care to in a paternity suite, it's the child...and he/she didn't sign the contract.

Agreed. This was in back in high school, when teenagers still thought they had original ideas. I remember at the time having my doubts, but it was never my concern.

[Mermaid]

Yeah, I'm sure that was just a general comment.  Nothing more.  And you could have made that comment in any thread at all, and it would have been equally fitting, sure.  I expect to see that comment in a thread about creationists criticizing the big bang theory soon.

sorry, what?

[Jason Harvestdancer]

sorry, what?

Exactly.

[Mermaid]

Um. Ok.