Am I a sucker?

[Nonsensei]

Recently my friend got in a car accident. His car was totaled, and despite the accident not being caused by him, the officer put the fault with him because the front of his car made contact with the rear of the other guy's car.

He was ok medically, but he said it left him in a terrible spot financially. His insurance wouldn't pay out enough for him to afford a new car, without which he could not get to work.

Ive known him for 17 years and I am in the best financial condition of my life. That doesn't mean much, but needless to say I can afford to do what I did which was send him $500.

Now at this point many of you may be thinking I am not a sucker. That this is something friends may do for eachother.

However, I have never met this friend in person. In fact he lives on the other side of the country. We have been internet friends since we were kids. So what do you think. Am I a moron?

[Unbeliever]

I think that may be the wrong question. The right question might be: do you feel good about helping your friend?

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.

[TomFoolery]

Did you give it to him, or loan it to him?

Whenever I offer anyone money, even close friends or family, I do it under the impression it's a gift. If they pay me back, great. Most of the people I would offer money to are the sort of people who would pay me back no questions asked anyway, but putting strings on it upfront puts incredible strain on relationships. So I never give anyone what I can't afford to lose.

[Mr.Obvious]

A moron would've sent him magic beans.

Look, I don't know this guy. You apparently do. Or at least better. Personally: something like this would invite me to keep my eyes open in the future. But 500 dollars in 17 years doesn't reek of you being played, to be honest.
I agree, in the end, with Unbeliever. It's important whether or not you feel like you've done the right thing to do.

[doorknob]

I look at things this way. It's better to help some one asking for help or even not asking for help but just needing help. Even if that person is deceiving you. I'd rather be deceived then to miss an opportunity to help some one. I know I feel better doing it then the guilt of not doing what I could have.

If he deceived you that is his problem.

Unless he keeps doing it, then you need to put a stop to it. There's a difference between some one needing help and some one just being a taker.

Never mistake kindness as weakness.

[aitm]

I would suggest you look for the reasons you are seeking validation.

You lent/gave the money because you may have felt pressured into it or did it because you wanted to.
If now, you have second thoughts, it most likely was because you felt pressured to and need an outside source to pat you on the back and say, "you did a nice thing"

If you did it because you wanted to and now per above you still need someone to tell you your mistake was well intentioned and not to fret over it, then again, "you did a nice thing"

There are several other scenarios but you get the idea.
You are having second thoughts and need someone to tell you that your fuck up is okay. Well. It is. It is a done deal, no matter the agreement.
Everybody could give you a similar story, I have several including one where I argued with the local sheriff and a US Senator, got what I wanted, proved my point, only to have the little fucker take off with anyway. I did the right thing in my eyes period. I never worry about the proverbial, "how does he act when no one is looking" because I don't fucking care if anyone is looking, I do what I think is right. You do the same.

[Nonsensei]

I think that may be the wrong question. The right question might be: do you feel good about helping your friend?

I did feel good about it. I didn't even have to deliberate about whether or not to do it. It was a foregone conclusion in my head.

But when I told my family about it in passing they looked at me like I was a complete dumbass.

[hrdlr110]

If he's been stringing you along for 17 years with the intent of one day extracting $500 from you,  I think I'd say he's earned it!

[AllPurposeAtheist]

It's just money which can be replaced. If you can afford it then it's not a problem. I don't see much difference between you helping the guy when you can afford it and me helping guys when I was living in homeless shelters and having to sell handrolled cigarettes to get by. It's relative. If you were down and out and had 5 kids to feed and sent him your last $500 then yeah,  sucker, but if as you say you're in ok financial shape then it's a good deed and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
We've had differences in the past, but that was a good deed. Be proud of yourself.

[The Skeletal Atheist]

If he's been stringing you along for 17 years with the intent of one day extracting $500 from you,  I think I'd say he's earned it!

Really, with the hours he put in I'm surprised he didn't ask for 10 installments of $1000!

Honestly, I don't think it matters. If you were in a position to give away some money without falling into financial strain yourself, and you felt you were helping a friend, then you did good.

That being said, be wary if he suddenly needs more finances covered.

I remember I had a coworker at Wal-Mart who had a girlfriend across the country. She would constantly ask for money and get photo was from a stock website. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was probably a guy named Fred.

Sent from Hell

[Mermaid]

I'd do the same thing. Maybe that means we're both morons.

[widdershins]

Probably, but a sucker with a good heart.  Answer these three questions.  Will you lose sleep over being a sucker?  Will you sleep better knowing you helped someone?  Would you rather help someone while afraid you MIGHT be taken for a ride or not help them knowing they MIGHT really need it?  In the end only how you feel about it matters, whether you were taken or not.  I've given every cent I had to strangers with sad stories I was pretty sure were bullshit.  But I was only pretty sure.  I might have been wrong.  I'd rather err on the side of being an idiot and take the chance that I might be helping someone than err on the side of caution and take the chance I might be turning someone away who needs it.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

I remember I had a coworker at Wal-Mart who had a girlfriend across the country. She would constantly ask for money and get photo was from a stock website. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was probably a guy named Fred.

Hey,  my name isn't Fred..