So what your saying is, when the rapture happens, only christians, and devout christians at that, will 'ascend' to heaven, leaving all non-Christians and non religious behind, also all animals.

See.. the funny thing is, this sounds like the best solution for all. Because of the ever growing secular society, anyone who doubts god will not be allowed to ascend, all atheists, agnostics, gays, Asians, Jews, Hindu, Muslims, and every other non-devout christian won't ascend, and this will cut a huge population of the planet down, making things like the resource issue on earth all the better.

This is what Christians think the world would be like after a rapture.



What it actually would look like is more like this.



But taking a break from making light of the insanity of Christians for a moment, this is something I've always found disturbing about these people, that at there core they are so hate filled with anyone who doesn't follow there beliefs, they would imagine anyone else living in a burning wasteland for not following the same thing they do. These people are so vindictive of other people around them, they create this apocalyptic imagine of anyone except them burning and suffering, because they have been indoctrinated into believing it.

Right. An orderly society of people that aren't attacking each other for ideological differences. And working to stop global warming and other problems that plague mankind. All the theists will be up yonder and all the scientists and naturalists will be down here fixing shit. Works for me.

Quote from: NoahsArk on September 08, 2015, 09:38:03 AM
Today is the day to repent and accept His free gift of Jesus' sacrifice before it is too late.

Fuck Jesus.

Quote from: NoahsArk on September 08, 2015, 09:38:03 AM

As a Lesbian, I will not be taken in the Rapture.  Pets don't get taken in the rapture either.  So for this limited time offer, you -- yes you!  can be sure that your pets are taken care of after the end of the world.  While everyone else will be pre-occupied by the orgies, I will feed your pets for a nominal fee of your entire life's savings.  Please transfer all cash over to me by September 22nd, 2015.  Once the check clears the bank, after the Rapture occurs* I will take care of your pets.

*Money not refundable if rapture does not occur.


The Lord may come back this month to take his Church or not.  But it will happen, and when it doesn't it won't be a laughing matter.  Today is the day to repent and accept His free gift of Jesus' sacrifice before it is too late.

Repent?  Repent for what?  The fact that I like pussy?  Seems like a stupid thing to repent for.  Now you better repent for wearing socks.  Because that's against my religion.  Socks are an abomination before the Goddess.

Yeah and then we will have gay people, lesbians and transgenders walking around holding hands and kissing in public, not feeling persecuted or pointlessly shamed. The horror!

And people will be actively helping each other instead of huddling in church and praying for a solution.

The rapture? Bring it. I'm ready.

Just send your money to a prosperity gospel tv preacher and you get in heaven and if not then hey, at least you'll be broke and made into a laughing stock. 

Boy! It just can't get any better than that now can it? And who knows? The preacher might even repent and actually send you back the money tenfold.  Personally I'd bet against it in Las Vegas,  but imagine the odds you'd get and the payoff if it actually happened.

Quote from: NoahsArk on September 08, 2015, 09:38:03 AM

As a Lesbian, I will not be taken in the Rapture.  Pets don't get taken in the rapture either.  So for this limited time offer, you -- yes you!  can be sure that your pets are taken care of after the end of the world.  While everyone else will be pre-occupied by the orgies, I will feed your pets for a nominal fee of your entire life's savings.  Please transfer all cash over to me by September 22nd, 2015.  Once the check clears the bank, after the Rapture occurs* I will take care of your pets.

*Money not refundable if rapture does not occur.


The Lord may come back this month to take his Church or not.  But it will happen, and when it doesn't it won't be a laughing matter.  Today is the day to repent and accept His free gift of Jesus' sacrifice before it is too late.

Noah, yes, it is and will be, again, very laughable.  A belly laff!!!  And a kind of shake your head and chuckle laff.  You are laff--both kinds.  BTW, "Hid free gift of Jesus' sacrifice" is not free; if you accept it, it will steal your brain, make you mindless.  And blind.  So, there is no free lunch--you will pay with your sanity.  I guess, maybe, you already have.  For that I am very sad.

Quote from: NakedTracyBlack on September 08, 2015, 12:32:47 PM
Repent?  Repent for what?  The fact that I like pussy?  Seems like a stupid thing to repent for.  Now you better repent for wearing socks.  Because that's against my religion.  Socks are an abomination before the Goddess.

Hmmm................I like your reasoning.................I like pussy, too. :) That is stupid to repent for.  But socks?  I like socks, just not with sandals.

Take them by the hair
Take them anywhere
Shoot them into space
Shoot them in the face
Shoot them with a gun
Send them to the Sun
Goodness gracious, Dear
Just get them out of here!

What a terrible fate
When they've taught you to hate
And to fear your own good, loving nature
If the end of the world
Means an end to their whines
And their cruel lies
Then bring on that Rapture!

Yeah, but this is the real deal because we had like 3 blood moons and this is the 70th Jubilee year. You can't have any more proof than that. Also I saw a black cat in my back yard. I mean, you can't refute that shit forever.

Considering that only followers of the real word will be taken, I am sure the four or five of them will have room for one more.

I live with a black cat, and she has brought me nothing but love ... bwahaha!

As soon as the rupture occurs the average IQ of the world will increase tremendously. Unfortunately, it'll never happen.

Quote from: Baruch on September 08, 2015, 06:38:55 PM
I live with a black cat, and she has brought me nothing but love ... bwahaha!

its actually salem from sabrina the teenage witch.

Quote from: Baruch on September 08, 2015, 06:38:55 PM
I live with a black cat, and she has brought me nothing but love ... bwahaha!

Don't you mean you live with her?  A subtle, but important cat point-of-view.