What the fuck is wrong with people?
My daughter came out today. I don't care She's my daughter, straight, gay, bi or trans. My wife on the other hand is freaking out. She's already brought up the idea of counseling and I told her "Over my dead body." She's de-friended her from fakebook and is just generally acting like a bitch about it.The weird part is she's always had a closer relationship with her than I have.
Again, what the fuck is wrong with people.
I've been making sure that my Daughter knows that:
1st: No, I don't think she's "broken" and there's nothing about her that needs to be fixed.
2nd: She's loved, no matter what!
3rd: I'll try to help with her mother.
Argh! I'm so pissed right now I can barely see straight!
Sorry guys, had to vent a little.
Meh heh heh. Is your wife religious?
You have my sympathies for all of your frustrations with this. You also my utmost respect for the way you're treating the situation and your daughter. Good on ya for that.
Give your wife some time. Hopefully she'll come around once she's able to sit with it for a while. Best of luck.
Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
Quote from: "Farroc"Meh heh heh. Is your wife religious?
Only in a vague "feel-good" kinda way.
Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
Eh, not so much. My daughter doesn't have much better/worse fashion sense than any other 16-year-old. :lol:
Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
I thought that was only the gay men.
Oh, 16. I thought she might be a little older. Whatever. I think your wife is over reacting. Be calm, be cool, be a steady hand, and keep reassuring your daughter she is loved.
Yeah, sounds like you're handling it as best you could and your wife will hopefully come round in time. Good luck.
No offense, but why did you marry a homophobe without realizing it?
I'll cut you some slack because far to often people get married without discussing important issues. Out side this one I was 9 years older than my X. She wasn't ready to settle down in one place, I was. And I was happy merely being with her no matter what I did for a living, but it wasn't enough for her. In short we could have saved each other the pain by discussing how we saw our future and figured out before hand we were not on the same page.
But she is dead wrong on this issue. I don't know if you can resolve this. But since you are already in it, the biggest thing is to support your daughter. I wouldn't turn this into battle because that doesn't help your daughter. But your wife's baggage does not have to become yours or your daughters.
Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"What the fuck is wrong with people?
My daughter came out today. I don't care She's my daughter, straight, gay, bi or trans. My wife on the other hand is freaking out. She's already brought up the idea of counseling and I told her "Over my dead body." She's de-friended her from fakebook and is just generally acting like a bitch about it.The weird part is she's always had a closer relationship with her than I have.
Again, what the fuck is wrong with people.
I've been making sure that my Daughter knows that:
1st: No, I don't think she's "broken" and there's nothing about her that needs to be fixed.
2nd: She's loved, no matter what!
3rd: I'll try to help with her mother.
Argh! I'm so pissed right now I can barely see straight!
Sorry guys, had to vent a little.
Not to be insulting, but does your wife have some identity issues of her own, perhaps?
Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"Quote from: "Farroc"Meh heh heh. Is your wife religious?
Only in a vague "feel-good" kinda way.
Were her parents very religious?
Religion relies heavily on indoctrinating the young.
*hugs* Continue being there for your baby.
If your wife really can't get over it, threaten her with the idea of me dating your daughter. I won't, she's far too young, but damn it is one hell of a nice threat. ;) Gun owning carnivore lesbian on the prowl. :lol:
Best wishes on your successful navigation of the issue, Dad. I can't pretend to understand what it might feel like to be torn between my child and his mother, but it can't be enjoyable.
Take pride in knowing that your daughter has the strength of character to be open and honest about her orientation with you guys. You're obviously doing something right if your communication allows for that. I hope for y'all's sake that your wife's attitude doesn't poison that atmosphere.
That's a shame the wife is taking it so badly. Perhaps some counseling would help her get over her issues?
Playing the Devil's advocate here, I'm gonna guess that maybe that your daughters coming out took your wife by surprise. Speaking from my own experience, parents usually have some ideal future planned out for their kids and when reality starts to deviate from that, it can be more than a bit upsetting. Give the wifey a bit of time to let it sink in, then she will hopefully realize that nothing about your daughters future has changed.
I can only imagine what my wife would do if one of my kids turned out to be gay. She was freaked out that my oldest daughter is left handed. If you know Chinese culture, you will understand why. I finally had to put my foot down, and just say "stop! you will not try to get her to write with her right hand. End of discussion." She eventually came to accept it, as I'm sure your wife will.
Maybe your wife really wanted grandkids and now she thinks that she wont get them.
Quote from: "AxisMundi"Not to be insulting, but does your wife have some identity issues of her own, perhaps?
I've actually been wondering about that.
Quote from: "SvZurich"*hugs* Continue being there for your baby.
If your wife really can't get over it, threaten her with the idea of me dating your daughter. I won't, she's far too young, but damn it is one hell of a nice threat. ;) Gun owning carnivore lesbian on the prowl. :lol:
I'll keep it in mind. :twisted:
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"Best wishes on your successful navigation of the issue, Dad. I can't pretend to understand what it might feel like to be torn between my child and his mother, but it can't be enjoyable.
Take pride in knowing that your daughter has the strength of character to be open and honest about her orientation with you guys. You're obviously doing something right if your communication allows for that. I hope for y'all's sake that your wife's attitude doesn't poison that atmosphere.
I do! I was so proud of her last night. She handled her mom's freak out far better than I could have hoped she would.
Quote from: "Nonsensei"Maybe your wife really wanted grandkids and now she thinks that she wont get them.
We've got two daughters and the younger (13) is completely boy crazy.
Quote from: "PopeyesPappy"That's a shame the wife is taking it so badly. Perhaps some counseling would help her get over her issues?
I think it was the shock more than anything. Though why she's surprised is beyond me.
Thanks everyone. We had a bit of a blow-up last night. The cool, even-hand lost his cool when his wife started going on about being a failure as a parent. After the blow-up, they started talking, and more important,
listening. I can't even understand why my wife was so shocked. We've discussed the possibility before because she's given us plenty of clues that she might not be straight. Everything
seems to be ok so far today, so I'll just play it be ear and see how it goes. We need a "walking on eggshells" smiley. :-D
GBD, I have picked out a few flannel shirts I could wear if you need pics to frighten your wife to her senses. ;) Could easily do a pose in one with my shotgun... :twisted:
I think your wife will finally calm down. I have a daughter and can't imagine responding to her coming out in any way differently than you did. She's my daughter. I love her. Period. How can there be anything more to say?
Quote from: "Johan"Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
I thought that was only the gay men.
Yes. Gay women are more likely to help you pick out the best shade of plaid. :)
Is the wife upset by the way because your daughter is gay, or because she realizes she's been "out of the loop"?
Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
Eh, not so much. My daughter doesn't have much better/worse fashion sense than any other 16-year-old. :lol:
Not to mention that it's generally gay men who have the more developed aesthetic tendencies. ;)
But in all seriousness, it's nice that your daughter has an ally in her house that can go to bat for her when needed. My brother came out last year and my parents reacted just as you did which, despite some of their more conservative leanings, didn't really surprise me. As they say, "love conquers all", and for most parents this is all they need to come to terms with a revelation like that.
Darn..to bad your daughter is only 16 because I had my 'pics or it didn't happen' routine all warmed up and ready. You're aware this is all your fault for not having gotten your wife pregnant a few years sooner, but that's water over the dam.now.
Meanwhile..back in reality world..
I can only imagine me being you arguing with my ex...
"This is who she is and that's that. You'll love her unconditionally and support her because the alternative is a daughter who may end up resenting you because of your own nonsense."
No matter how hard we might try our kids are NOT little moldable, shapeable little clones of us. They have unique thoughts and feelings and nothing they do should be sufficient to break our bonds..
Make your wife watch this:
[youtube:2k0hoo1x]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqdIvgCKzA[/youtube:2k0hoo1x]
I'm certain this will fix everything.
Quote from: "Wheatthins"Playing the Devil's advocate here, I'm gonna guess that maybe that your daughters coming out took your wife by surprise. Speaking from my own experience, parents usually have some ideal future planned out for their kids and when reality starts to deviate from that, it can be more than a bit upsetting. Give the wifey a bit of time to let it sink in, then she will hopefully realize that nothing about your daughters future has changed.
I agree that this may be the case as well.. I've found that the same sex parent takes the news hardest.. Something about that child being a projection of themselves etc.. She may even go through a "mourning" phase.. Mourning what she had hoped her daughter would be like as an adult. And then acceptance that she is still her daughter, Just not going to live the life she had Planned in her head for her.
I'm sorry your wife is not taking it well. That makes me very sad and also very happy that your daughter has you to back her up.
I'm sure your wife had expectations about your daughter, including marriage and grand kids. It'll take some adjusting, but she will accept it because it is the reality now.
"Mom, no! I don't want to watch the Chipendale guys...M....MOM! Stop it! No mom! What will dad think? Get that G-string out of your teeth! That's it.. I'm calling dad to come get you..." :shock:
Plus thanks to science, she can still have children and thanks to social change, marriage! :D You lose nothing other than having a son-in-law who tried to compete with you on facial hair growth. :D Win-Win!
Quote from: "AllPurposeAtheist""Mom, no! I don't want to watch the Chipendale guys...M....MOM! Stop it! No mom! What will dad think? Get that G-string out of your teeth! That's it.. I'm calling dad to come get you..." :shock:
"Dad, you were right! This place has the best strippers in town! Oh, I know her! We used to have PE together in high school! Wonder if she'd like me to buy her a drink! Don't tell mom, this will be our secret!"
And if she's bi, ...
No, this is General Discussion, so I won't say it.
Wow. Ben, I'm shocked your wife took it so......Christian like. I'm glad your daughter came out, and things are going better. So glad she is accepted and loved, just like she should be.
Quote from: "baddogma"Wow. Ben, I'm shocked your wife took it so......Christian like. I'm glad your daughter came out, and things are going better. So glad she is accepted and loved, just like she should be.
Yeah, well she's still clinging to her security blanket. I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. She's starting to ask some of the tough questions. And, her "faith" is mostly of the feel-good variety of woo.
She's also coming to grips with the whole thing a lot faster than I thought she would last night. Of course, as I said in a previous post, it's not like our daughter hasn't dropped hints along the way, intentional or not. We've even discussed the possibility before.
Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"Quote from: "baddogma"Wow. Ben, I'm shocked your wife took it so......Christian like. I'm glad your daughter came out, and things are going better. So glad she is accepted and loved, just like she should be.
Yeah, well she's still clinging to her security blanket. I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. She's starting to ask some of the tough questions. And, her "faith" is mostly of the feel-good variety of woo.
She's also coming to grips with the whole thing a lot faster than I thought she would last night. Of course, as I said in a previous post, it's not like our daughter hasn't dropped hints along the way, intentional or not. We've even discussed the possibility before.
Happy to hear it.
Quote from: "SvZurich"Plus thanks to science, she can still have children and thanks to social change, marriage! :D You lose nothing other than having a son-in-law who tried to compete with you on facial hair growth. :D Win-Win!
Don't forget borrowing power tools. Sons-in-law love to borrow power tools which never seem to return.
It's better to come out sooner rather than later.
Quote from: "Savior2006"It's better to come out sooner rather than later.
+1
And GBD, always be there and support your daughter. :)
I'm glad your daughter has you around to assure her she made the right choice. I'm sure your wife will come around, even if there is some apprehension at first.
I have one son who is currently 11 who might be gay. There have been a few things which suggest that it might be the case, but we're not sure. But, as a precaution to avoid just this sort of situation we routinely tell our children that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that we don't care either way. I had a nephew come out a few years back. One of my favorite nephews, actually (one of my wife's favorites too). His mother is a bit of a drama queen and ended up on a psych ward for a week or two (she had other problems at the time as well. Nothing too serious. She's one of those "everything is a big deal" type of people). Since then we've been very sensitive to the issue. We're both pretty liberal, so in our house it won't be a big deal and, hopefully, our kids won't wait until they've known that many years before telling us. I'd like to make sure I'm there for them the whole time and they don't have to deal with that in addition to burgeoning sexuality all alone.
Quote from: "Brian37"Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"Quote from: "baddogma"Wow. Ben, I'm shocked your wife took it so......Christian like. I'm glad your daughter came out, and things are going better. So glad she is accepted and loved, just like she should be.
Yeah, well she's still clinging to her security blanket. I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. She's starting to ask some of the tough questions. And, her "faith" is mostly of the feel-good variety of woo.
She's also coming to grips with the whole thing a lot faster than I thought she would last night. Of course, as I said in a previous post, it's not like our daughter hasn't dropped hints along the way, intentional or not. We've even discussed the possibility before.
Happy to hear it.
Yeah me too. I'm hoping the wife comes to realize that whatever sexual preference - that's her daughter - no matter what. :heart:
I didn't read all the post, so forgive me if someone already mentioned this, but is it perhaps that your wife is embarrassed to tell her friends, co-workers, and family and doesn't really care about the gayness itself? It is a strange reaction from someone who is not deeply religious. My guess is that she just doesn't want all the inevitable gossip from friends, and she will realize that her daughter is more important and come to grips with it. Perhaps it is the wife that needs counseling
You know, counseling might not be such a bad idea. It sounds like your wife might need some help with this. Maybe you could find a decent psychologist, explain the situation to him and go as a family. Just make sure it's a "real" psychologist, not some "pray the gay away" Christotard and I bet without any prompting from you at all he'll start helping her cope.