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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: Aletheia on May 23, 2015, 12:16:23 PM

Title: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Aletheia on May 23, 2015, 12:16:23 PM
QuoteI Will Never Drink Coffee The Same Way Again. This Man Is A Genius. (http://jamie.tickld.com/x/i-will-never-drink-coffee-the-same-way-again?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=coffee&ts_pid=5)


Replace filter and coffee grounds with new filter and new coffee grounds.

Pour first batch of coffee back into the coffee maker.

Brew AGAIN

Lift off

Let me tell you people something. I work nights and needed a way to stay energetic. I finally found the answer...

I just drank "double brewed coffee" and I feel like I can throw an orange at 60 percent the speed of light. Do you realize that if I had a boomerang right now I could kill god, eat his meat, and use his hide to stay warm during those long nights on the savanna? ENERGY. After drinking this special coffee I suddenly find myself triangulating coordinates and shit in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I was a floating head that I'd be able to float directly to the Bermuda triangle without stopping for directions. I have so much energy that I'm now watching half hour long sitcoms in just seconds!

You ever notice that they don't have any type of Karate for German shepherds? If dogs learned to focus their chi, just imagine how screwed we'd be? Well, I wouldn't be screwed, but you most certainly would be. Right now I could probably fight off a giant ghost flamingo made entirely from ninja stars and tasers. In fact, I'm about 85 percent certain that I could mess up a 2003 Nissan Altima, if it were to suddenly become self-aware and hostile towards me. ENERGY.

I have so much energy that I can multitask more stuff right now than your lazy ass will accomplish within the next 4 months. While I type this I'm also filming a remake of "tango and cash", done with puppets. Simultaneously, I'm also updating my match.com profile while dry humping a zebra and skiing.

And guess what? I just squeezed a New York steak with my bare hands and crushed it into individual calories! I am the ghost of Jim Varney and I will haunt you into infinity! I am the one that inspired the "blade" movies and I will triumph! I am the singularity, the way, the light, the man who can turn a normal visit to the zoo into a multiple felony getaway vacation to the andromeda galaxy and I don't take crap from anyone!!

If you want to lay around until you morph into a giant stick of butter and explode, that's your choice. But if you want so much energy that you could morph into a cybernetic plasma cheetah and beat the living sh*t out of the power rangers then I suggest you try "double brewed coffee". ENERGY.




Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: the_antithesis on May 23, 2015, 12:18:23 PM
But how does it taste?
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on May 23, 2015, 12:27:54 PM
I think there's something besides coffee in that double brew.. I'm thinking perhaps cylicybin..
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 12:31:36 PM
If you want to really hit the 'singularity' use the coffee that is double chewed through a monkey's ass, then double brew that!  I have not been brave enough, yet.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 12:59:00 PM
Quote from: the_antithesis on May 23, 2015, 12:18:23 PM
But how does it taste?
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mermaid on May 23, 2015, 01:06:16 PM
Beautiful, wondrous caffeine.
(http://31.media.tumblr.com/eab6bb3e60a77c54a1f0c3954b1b018d/tumblr_inline_nomh40b5Vo1sk2irp_500.gif)
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Hydra009 on May 23, 2015, 01:06:21 PM
QuoteI just drank "double brewed coffee" and I feel like I can throw an orange at 60 percent the speed of light. Do you realize that if I had a boomerang right now I could kill god, eat his meat, and use his hide to stay warm during those long nights on the savanna? ENERGY. After drinking this special coffee I suddenly find myself triangulating coordinates and shit in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I was a floating head that I'd be able to float directly to the Bermuda triangle without stopping for directions. I have so much energy that I'm now watching half hour long sitcoms in just seconds!
Haha.  This guy is like 20% away from a Powerthirst commercial!
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: stromboli on May 23, 2015, 01:19:05 PM
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 12:59:00 PM
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.


I used to brew that shit. I've also made it strained through a piece of cheesecloth over a 5 gallon gunboat when the coffee machine went belly up. And I agree, if it don't remove paint it is delish.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: the_antithesis on May 23, 2015, 01:28:24 PM
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 12:59:00 PM
I used to drink Navy coffee from a five gallon percolator. After that any coffee that doesn't double as paint remover is delicious.


That's nice.

I've been going to a local coffee roaster and getting the subtle nuances in flavor from coffee.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Shiranu on May 23, 2015, 01:52:37 PM
Fuck all of you for being able to drink coffee :(.

#JealousyOverload
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on May 23, 2015, 02:01:42 PM
Quote from: Shiranu on May 23, 2015, 01:52:37 PM
Fuck all of you for being able to drink coffee :(.

#JealousyOverload
Well thank you for such wonderful thoughts Shiranu.. By the way..just how the fuck did your name come up in my spell check?
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 02:16:10 PM
Quote from: Mermaid on May 23, 2015, 01:06:16 PM
Beautiful, wondrous caffeine.
(http://31.media.tumblr.com/eab6bb3e60a77c54a1f0c3954b1b018d/tumblr_inline_nomh40b5Vo1sk2irp_500.gif)
Ha!  That looks like me before I get my morning coffee.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 02:19:02 PM
Quote from: stromboli on May 23, 2015, 01:19:05 PM
I used to brew that shit. I've also made it strained through a piece of cheesecloth over a 5 gallon gunboat when the coffee machine went belly up. And I agree, if it don't remove paint it is delish.
The worst coffee I ever had was in Death Valley (Ft. Irwin) during my National Guard 2-week stint.  We had to use the coffee that came in the K-ration kits, because we were in the middle of the desert and there was no hot coffee.  It is amazing  the depths I will go to to get my morning fix!!
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on May 23, 2015, 02:24:04 PM
Ever drink that garbage that comes in those little paper and foil packets? I think there's more coffee in tomato soup..
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 02:34:57 PM
Okay--I was a little wrong about that coffee bean being shot out of a monkey's ass.  It is really called kopi luwak coffee, or civit coffee.  And a civit is really a cat, not a monkey.  And it does love to eat the reddest coffee beans.  Then they gather the civit crap and extract the bean from the civit crap.  And they brew that.  It is very expensive.  And, no, I have not had any, and I don't think I want any.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: kilodelta on May 23, 2015, 05:22:11 PM
Oh good. I thought this was going to be another article about drinking coffee orally instead of the regular way.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 05:53:07 PM
Quote from: kilodelta on May 23, 2015, 05:22:11 PM
Oh good. I thought this was going to be another article about drinking coffee orally instead of the regular way.
Do I really want to ask what the regular way is for you???????????????????
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Aletheia on May 23, 2015, 06:54:51 PM
I'm a heretic, I drink tea.

It's the drink of the future:

(http://www.yourprops.com/movieprops/default/yp_517b714303fcf5.93667222/Star-Trek-The-Next-Generation-Picard-s-Earl-Grey-Tea-Cup-2.jpg)
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 07:05:58 PM
Quote from: Aletheia on May 23, 2015, 06:54:51 PM
I'm a heretic, I drink tea.

It's the drink of the future:

(http://www.yourprops.com/movieprops/default/yp_517b714303fcf5.93667222/Star-Trek-The-Next-Generation-Picard-s-Earl-Grey-Tea-Cup-2.jpg)
Not my future! javascript:ajaxChat.insertText('%3AD');
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mermaid on May 23, 2015, 07:13:59 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 05:53:07 PM
Do I really want to ask what the regular way is for you???????????????????
Mainlining maybe?

(https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=JN.sOs86C8z6VKbCD5%2bMzpsug&pid=15.1&P=0)
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 07:47:04 PM
I used to double brew when I was in college and needed to pull an all-nighter.  And I went through a phase of drinking quadruple espressos in a latte mug a few years back.

These days, I make it the old-fashioned way: a vacuum pot, on the left on the back of the stove.

(https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3705/13438481805_f50eb85dde_c.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/photos/trdsf/13438481805)
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 07:53:23 PM
Quote from: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 07:47:04 PM
I used to double brew when I was in college and needed to pull an all-nighter.  And I went through a phase of drinking quadruple espressos in a latte mug a few years back.

These days, I make it the old-fashioned way: a vacuum pot, on the left on the back of the stove.

(https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3705/13438481805_f50eb85dde_c.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/photos/trdsf/13438481805)
Oh wow!  did you do those pastries???  Looks almost better than the coffee.  As for me, I just use the down-to-earth Mr. Coffee.  Love my Yankee Clipper!
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Shiranu on May 23, 2015, 08:15:15 PM
Quote from: AllPurposeAtheist on May 23, 2015, 02:01:42 PM
Well thank you for such wonderful thoughts Shiranu.. By the way..just how the fuck did your name come up in my spell check?

Oh...

You know...

(http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Barbara-Palvin-Sexy-Wink-Gif.gif)
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 08:43:17 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 07:53:23 PM
Oh wow!  did you do those pastries???  Looks almost better than the coffee.  As for me, I just use the down-to-earth Mr. Coffee.  Love my Yankee Clipper!
English muffins, actually, and yeah, I did.  I need to make another batch of them, they were quite good.  The bread behind was made by a friend; I think that was Irish soda bread, though it might have been her beer bread.  Maybe I'll whomp some up this week.  They make exceptional hamburger buns, too.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 08:45:33 PM
Quote from: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 08:43:17 PM
English muffins, actually, and yeah, I did.  I need to make another batch of them, they were quite good.  The bread behind was made by a friend; I think that was Irish soda bread, though it might have been her beer bread.  Maybe I'll whomp some up this week.  They make exceptional hamburger buns, too.
What time can I come over????
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 08:52:04 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 08:45:33 PM
What time can I come over????
Careful, that's the closest I've had to being asked out in a long time.  XD
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on May 23, 2015, 08:56:27 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 02:16:10 PM
Ha!  That looks like me before I get my morning coffee.
1. Find cup.
2. Add creamer.
3. Pour coffee.
4. Drink.

HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THAT BEFORE YOU'VE HAD YOUR COFFEE?
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 09:05:22 PM
Quote from: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 08:52:04 PM
Careful, that's the closest I've had to being asked out in a long time.  XD
Coffee, english muffins, Irish soda bread, beer bread--right in my wheelhouse!  I am easily bribed! :)  And I'm not asking you out, but me in. :))))
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 10:06:08 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 09:05:22 PM
Coffee, english muffins, Irish soda bread, beer bread--right in my wheelhouse!  I am easily bribed! :)  And I'm not asking you out, but me in. :))))
The soda bread and beer bread are not my creations, sadly -- though I should get the recipes, they're fantastic.  Next on my list is rye bread, for when she next makes corned beef, to make reubens of awesomeness.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 10:33:12 PM
Quote from: trdsf on May 23, 2015, 10:06:08 PM
The soda bread and beer bread are not my creations, sadly -- though I should get the recipes, they're fantastic.  Next on my list is rye bread, for when she next makes corned beef, to make reubens of awesomeness.
Damn, you do know how to eat!  Every year for St. Pat's day we have corned beef.  And I have to go to the local deli to get Irish soda bread.  Homemade rye bread would be awesome for rubens!  Have to talk my wife into doing that!
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Draconic Aiur on May 24, 2015, 05:45:04 AM
I like my coffee with honey.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 24, 2015, 09:59:02 AM
Quote from: Draconic Aiur on May 24, 2015, 05:45:04 AM
I like my coffee with honey.
I like my peanut butter with honey.  But I had not thought of coffee.  It seems as though it would be too sweet and the wrong kind of sweet.  But I have not tried it, so who knows?
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 24, 2015, 03:43:38 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 24, 2015, 09:59:02 AM
I like my peanut butter with honey.  But I had not thought of coffee.  It seems as though it would be too sweet and the wrong kind of sweet.  But I have not tried it, so who knows?
I have tried it and found it to be the 'wrong' kind of sweet (for my tongue, anyway).  But I do like raw/demerera sugar rather than plain white in my coffee.  And heavy whipping cream rather than half and half.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 24, 2015, 05:50:26 PM
Quote from: trdsf on May 24, 2015, 03:43:38 PM
I have tried it and found it to be the 'wrong' kind of sweet (for my tongue, anyway).  But I do like raw/demerera sugar rather than plain white in my coffee.  And heavy whipping cream rather than half and half.
Heavy whipping cream and coffee is very good.  I used to use sugar in my coffee (started using sugar cubes--grandparents taught me that), but it raises hell with my blood sugar, so I gave it up.  Always have coffee black--except for a whipping cream treat every now and again.  But not honey. Every 5/6 months I'll have a peanut butter and honey sandwich with milk.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on May 24, 2015, 08:24:40 PM
I learned to drink coffee black when I first started interviewing for jobs Way Back When, because very few receptionists, secretaries, and/or AAs screw up pouring just plain coffee.  If I'm having a varietal or estate bean, I'll drink it black to focus on the coffee itself.  But if I'm having it with a pastry or something, it's snow white and seven cubes.  Can't stand it with just cream, or just sugar.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: kilodelta on May 24, 2015, 09:17:14 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on May 23, 2015, 05:53:07 PM
Do I really want to ask what the regular way is for you???????????????????

No. You don't want to know.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on May 24, 2015, 10:11:18 PM
Lately we've been drinking Folgers black silk..pretty good for cheap..
I make mine 1 heaping teaspoon of coffee to each mark on the coffee pot..5 oz each  I think if memory serves me right.  About a teaspoon of sugar and that's it  Sylvia makes hers with 1/2 coffee and 1/2 milk and a bit of artificial sweetner..yuck! I need to try it with the stove top perculator..
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on May 24, 2015, 10:13:15 PM
Quote from: kilodelta on May 24, 2015, 09:17:14 PM
No. You don't want to know.
:)))))))))))))))))))))
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: peacewithoutgod on September 01, 2015, 05:05:38 PM
Quote from: stromboli on May 23, 2015, 01:19:05 PM
I used to brew that shit. I've also made it strained through a piece of cheesecloth over a 5 gallon gunboat when the coffee machine went belly up. And I agree, if it don't remove paint it is delish.
It's liable to remove paint, and other things too - you only need a can of Coke to remove paint.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: peacewithoutgod on September 01, 2015, 05:09:22 PM
Quote from: the_antithesis on May 23, 2015, 12:18:23 PM
But how does it taste?
Probably like a rectal prolapse.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: aitm on September 01, 2015, 05:20:05 PM
I could easily live without coffee and see no rational reason why anyone drinks that shit…….



:whistle:
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: stromboli on September 01, 2015, 05:26:33 PM
French roast black coffee freshly ground and brewed in a French press with a Blueberry muffin this morning. You people are peasants. Mon dieu!  :naughty:

Tea? Brewed green iced tea half and half with diet Mountain Dew gets me through the rest of the day.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on September 01, 2015, 05:52:17 PM
Quote from: aitm on September 01, 2015, 05:20:05 PM
I could easily live without coffee and see no rational reason why anyone drinks that shit…….



:whistle:
I cannot live without it--and it's for the jolt, my man, the jolt!  And addiction does not need a rational reason......................
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: peacewithoutgod on September 01, 2015, 05:57:24 PM
Quote from: Mike Cl on September 01, 2015, 05:52:17 PM
I cannot live without it--and it's for the jolt, my man, the jolt!  And addiction does not need a rational reason......................
Plus, when brewed right it can taste great with most items on the breakfast and dessert menus.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on September 01, 2015, 06:02:14 PM
Quote from: peacewithoutgod on September 01, 2015, 05:57:24 PM
Plus, when brewed right it can taste great with most items on the breakfast and dessert menus.
Yes, I now do like the taste; at first I didn't.  But the smell--that really is pure heaven!
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Jason Harvestdancer on September 01, 2015, 10:46:51 PM
I'm down to one pot per day.  Quite an achievement, cutting your coffee consumption by 60%.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: stromboli on September 01, 2015, 10:47:56 PM
Lightweight. Good to see you, Jason.
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: Mike Cl on September 02, 2015, 08:54:01 AM
Quote from: Jason_Harvestdancer on September 01, 2015, 10:46:51 PM
I'm down to one pot per day.  Quite an achievement, cutting your coffee consumption by 60%.
Yeah, that would be most difficult.  But.............why?????
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: trdsf on September 09, 2015, 06:41:45 PM
Been drinking tea mostly lately (British black, not some frou frou green or white thing with flowers and no flavor in it); I'm not putting on a pot out of my own pocket just to have the rest of the floor drink it and not me.  So I've got the French press at work now, too, for when the PG Tips won't cut it.

Had an astounding Ethiopian over the weekend.  That's probably my favorite bean of the varietals, though I will leave plenty of room for Tanzanian, Sumatra Mandheling and Sulawesi.

Meanwhile, over the weekend, I found a place that carries Jolt Cola.  Maybe there is a god after all... XD
Title: Re: We've Been Drinking Coffee the Wrong Way
Post by: doorknob on September 15, 2015, 08:39:38 AM
I'm sure I've eaten things way worse than coffee that came out of a cats ass! But yeah if it's really good coffee I'll drink it even from a cats behind.

I've got so many problems where do I begin?