Title: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 11, 2015, 07:58:38 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 11, 2015, 07:58:38 PM
- Just for the hell of it, I thought it might be fun to post pick up lines destined to fail or possibly cause you bodily harm.
- Straight Men
- Straight Women
- Gay Men
- Gay Women
- Bisexuals
- Any other sexuality that is legal or deemed by first world countries as worthy of being legal
All applicants accepted (until someone brings up a case that changes this rule). This includes pick up lines from:
This can include quotes, your own personal lines, memes, things your friends have said, things you heard strangers say, or even advice from the magic 8 ball.
To start off, here's a few:
QuoteIt's a good thing same-sex marriage is legal here, because I'm already planning our wedding.
I know you think I'm sexy, I know you think I'm fine, but just like all the other guys get a number and wait in line.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Mike Cl on April 11, 2015, 08:02:54 PM
Post by: Mike Cl on April 11, 2015, 08:02:54 PM
I really don't see why any of those lines above are bad. ?? I like em.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 11, 2015, 08:16:48 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 11, 2015, 08:16:48 PM
"So.... what do you say, baby? Your condo or my mobile home?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: hrdlr110 on April 11, 2015, 09:39:22 PM
Post by: hrdlr110 on April 11, 2015, 09:39:22 PM
Wow, I love your eyes, they're so big I can see my reflection.....don't move.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 11, 2015, 09:56:00 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 11, 2015, 09:56:00 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 11, 2015, 11:51:31 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 11, 2015, 11:51:31 PM
Teacher, would you help me with my bonework?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: trdsf on April 12, 2015, 02:13:17 AM
Post by: trdsf on April 12, 2015, 02:13:17 AM
My favorite pickup/putdown combo is:
"That sweater would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor."
"So would you."
"That sweater would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor."
"So would you."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Valigarmander on April 12, 2015, 02:31:25 AM
Post by: Valigarmander on April 12, 2015, 02:31:25 AM
Quote from: Aletheia on April 11, 2015, 09:56:00 PMI'm definitely going to use this one.
"Are you a vampire? Cause I have some wood I want to shove in your chest."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Shiranu on April 12, 2015, 03:43:45 AM
Post by: Shiranu on April 12, 2015, 03:43:45 AM
"If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."
"How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?"
"If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?"
Note; my biology professor has a thing for these super corny lines.
"How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?"
"If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?"
Note; my biology professor has a thing for these super corny lines.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Youssuf Ramadan on April 12, 2015, 06:37:12 AM
Post by: Youssuf Ramadan on April 12, 2015, 06:37:12 AM
Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.
Get your coat, love. You've pulled.
Do you sleep on your front? No? Well then can I?
Get your coat, love. You've pulled.
Do you sleep on your front? No? Well then can I?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 12, 2015, 09:29:37 AM
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 12, 2015, 09:29:37 AM
"I'm dying of AIDS and I'm looking for one last fling."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Mike Cl on April 12, 2015, 09:44:12 AM
Post by: Mike Cl on April 12, 2015, 09:44:12 AM
All of my pick-up lines failed--so every single thing I said to females to get them interested would fit into this category. So all of these lines (well, most, anyway) would be a step up. :))
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Solitary on April 12, 2015, 10:04:46 AM
Post by: Solitary on April 12, 2015, 10:04:46 AM
My name is Bill, what is yours? Buzz off weirdo. Must have been a lesbian. :eek: :biggrin2:
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 12, 2015, 10:09:32 AM
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 12, 2015, 10:09:32 AM
I personally don't use pick up lines in bar. I just sit quietly and lick my eyebrows.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Solitary on April 12, 2015, 10:35:40 AM
Post by: Solitary on April 12, 2015, 10:35:40 AM
:eek: :biggrin2: :lol: :rotflmao: :super: GOOD ONE! Solitary
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 12, 2015, 11:11:38 AM
Post by: stromboli on April 12, 2015, 11:11:38 AM
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on April 12, 2015, 10:09:32 AM
I personally don't use pick up lines in bar. I just sit quietly and lick my eyebrows.
If I ever doubted you are ex Navy I don't now.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 12, 2015, 12:46:39 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 12, 2015, 12:46:39 PM
No words needed. Just snap their bra and they'll be all over you.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 12, 2015, 06:38:50 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 12, 2015, 06:38:50 PM
Quote from: kilodelta on April 12, 2015, 12:46:39 PM
No words needed. Just snap their bra and they'll be all over you.
Yeah, and so will their boyfriends/spouses
.....
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: the_antithesis on April 12, 2015, 06:55:08 PM
Post by: the_antithesis on April 12, 2015, 06:55:08 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Desdinova on April 13, 2015, 04:11:11 PM
Post by: Desdinova on April 13, 2015, 04:11:11 PM
Can you give me hand with this couch?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 13, 2015, 04:26:03 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 13, 2015, 04:26:03 PM
Can you give me a hand with this crotch?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: aitm on April 13, 2015, 05:46:18 PM
Post by: aitm on April 13, 2015, 05:46:18 PM
I like ta help ya, but….well the title kinda excludes me.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 13, 2015, 06:22:17 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 13, 2015, 06:22:17 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on April 13, 2015, 08:13:35 PM
Post by: AllPurposeAtheist on April 13, 2015, 08:13:35 PM
My pickup line never worked.. I still haven't found one woman interested in coming over to check out my dried used booger collection..
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Draconic Aiur on April 13, 2015, 08:17:48 PM
Post by: Draconic Aiur on April 13, 2015, 08:17:48 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: the_antithesis on April 13, 2015, 08:46:24 PM
Post by: the_antithesis on April 13, 2015, 08:46:24 PM
"Hi, mom."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: the_antithesis on April 13, 2015, 09:08:53 PM
Post by: the_antithesis on April 13, 2015, 09:08:53 PM
"Wanna read my fan fiction?"
Bonus points if you mention what franchise the fanfic is for, if it's a mashup of two or more franchises, or if it's a fan film.
Bonus points if you mention what franchise the fanfic is for, if it's a mashup of two or more franchises, or if it's a fan film.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Hydra009 on April 13, 2015, 10:01:01 PM
Post by: Hydra009 on April 13, 2015, 10:01:01 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 13, 2015, 10:04:31 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 13, 2015, 10:04:31 PM
"Oh, and we'll go dutch with the bill"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 13, 2015, 10:12:12 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 13, 2015, 10:12:12 PM
Quote from: aitm on April 13, 2015, 05:46:18 PM
I like ta help ya, but….well the title kinda excludes me.
Well, I'll cover your quota. In fact, I'll cover everyone's failed pickup line quotas!
Here's one: "Hey babe. My mom kicked me out of the house until I get some poontang. Wanna help the homeless?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Youssuf Ramadan on April 14, 2015, 12:26:27 PM
Post by: Youssuf Ramadan on April 14, 2015, 12:26:27 PM
"Wanna go halves on a bastard?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 14, 2015, 12:48:43 PM
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 14, 2015, 12:48:43 PM
Quote from: stromboli on April 12, 2015, 11:11:38 AM"And this is no shit..."
If I ever doubted you are ex Navy I don't now.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Desdinova on April 14, 2015, 01:08:33 PM
Post by: Desdinova on April 14, 2015, 01:08:33 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Jason Harvestdancer on April 14, 2015, 09:55:16 PM
Post by: Jason Harvestdancer on April 14, 2015, 09:55:16 PM
Quote from: aitm on April 13, 2015, 05:46:18 PM
I like ta help ya, but….well the title kinda excludes me.
Binoculars and a lawn chair in their front yard don't count as a pick up line.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 14, 2015, 10:00:28 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 14, 2015, 10:00:28 PM
You vill come to ze house and you vill like it, because ve have vays, ja?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 15, 2015, 10:45:47 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 15, 2015, 10:45:47 PM
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: antediluvian on April 15, 2015, 10:50:20 PM
Post by: antediluvian on April 15, 2015, 10:50:20 PM
"Can I buy you a Cadillac?"
...oh wait. that one worked.
...oh wait. that one worked.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 15, 2015, 10:51:32 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 15, 2015, 10:51:32 PM
I'll pay you $25 if you let me sniff your panties.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: trdsf on April 16, 2015, 06:53:47 AM
Post by: trdsf on April 16, 2015, 06:53:47 AM
Quote from: Aletheia on April 15, 2015, 10:45:47 PM
Okay. That one, I would fall for. :D
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 16, 2015, 08:30:57 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 16, 2015, 08:30:57 PM
You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 16, 2015, 11:25:56 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 16, 2015, 11:25:56 PM
"By the way, do you have birth control?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Aletheia on April 17, 2015, 05:19:07 PM
Post by: Aletheia on April 17, 2015, 05:19:07 PM
"I'm Not Actually This Tall. I'm Sitting on My Wallet."
"Hi, Do You Have a Few Minutes for Me to Hit on You?"
"You're So Beautiful That You Made Me Forget My Pickup Line."
" Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"
"Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?"
"Are you busy tonight around 3 AM?"
"I just moved you to the top of my “To Do List.â€"
"Do you work at Subway? Because I could really go for a footlong."
"Hi. I have a vagina."
"You look like a hard worker. I have an opening you can fill."
"Hi, Do You Have a Few Minutes for Me to Hit on You?"
"You're So Beautiful That You Made Me Forget My Pickup Line."
" Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"
"Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?"
"Are you busy tonight around 3 AM?"
"I just moved you to the top of my “To Do List.â€"
"Do you work at Subway? Because I could really go for a footlong."
"Hi. I have a vagina."
"You look like a hard worker. I have an opening you can fill."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: the_antithesis on April 18, 2015, 09:52:48 AM
Post by: the_antithesis on April 18, 2015, 09:52:48 AM
"Wanna eat out?"
She said yes and then left with some chick.
She said yes and then left with some chick.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 18, 2015, 10:15:17 AM
Post by: stromboli on April 18, 2015, 10:15:17 AM
"Mom, are you busy tonight?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 18, 2015, 10:53:04 AM
Post by: kilodelta on April 18, 2015, 10:53:04 AM
Quote from: Aletheia on April 17, 2015, 05:19:07 PM
"Hi. I have a vagina."
This is supposed to be failed pickup lines. That one works every time. I mean, unless it's a lie.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 18, 2015, 10:55:07 AM
Post by: kilodelta on April 18, 2015, 10:55:07 AM
Quote from: stromboli on April 18, 2015, 10:15:17 AM
"Mom, are you busy tonight?"
"Yes. I'm going out with that boy at school that's going to make those 'I fucked your mom' jokes tomorrow."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 18, 2015, 12:21:42 PM
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 18, 2015, 12:21:42 PM
"Plan B? Yeah, mine's to be gone before you wake up."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 08:05:15 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 08:05:15 PM
Did anyone order this prepaid pizza?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 08:16:39 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 08:16:39 PM
Whoops! I just dropped the soap. Now I have to bend over at the waist to pick it back up.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 21, 2015, 09:08:23 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 21, 2015, 09:08:23 PM
You know, there was this one guy in boot camp that used to always be bent over when I went in the shower. Hmmm......
Boy, I thought "Thelma and Louise" was a stupid movie.......
Boy, I thought "Thelma and Louise" was a stupid movie.......
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 10:06:08 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 21, 2015, 10:06:08 PM
Did he grab his ankles and waddle backwards?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Atheon on April 23, 2015, 02:13:35 PM
Post by: Atheon on April 23, 2015, 02:13:35 PM
"It's not gonna suck itself, y'know."
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 23, 2015, 02:49:51 PM
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 23, 2015, 02:49:51 PM
Reading this thread, I just realised that I wouldn't know failed pick up lines from successful ones, if the failed ones weren't often designed to be sexist and exaggerated to be funny. How sad is that?
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 05:33:48 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 05:33:48 PM
Quote from: Penny Dreadful on April 23, 2015, 02:49:51 PM
Reading this thread, I just realised that I wouldn't know failed pick up lines from successful ones, if the failed ones weren't often designed to be sexist and exaggerated to be funny. How sad is that?
Yup. Some of these would work on me in a second.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: aitm on April 23, 2015, 05:51:55 PM
Post by: aitm on April 23, 2015, 05:51:55 PM
I think most women will tell you that they pretty much already made up their mind about you long before you open your mouth. The best pick up line is your attitude and body language. Work on that first.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 06:51:31 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 06:51:31 PM
I just reach into my pants and whip out my big wallet. /rimshot
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: aitm on April 23, 2015, 08:03:42 PM
Post by: aitm on April 23, 2015, 08:03:42 PM
Quote from: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 06:51:31 PMthat works amazingly well also
I just reach into my pants and whip out my big wallet. /rimshot
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Brian37 on April 23, 2015, 09:47:44 PM
Post by: Brian37 on April 23, 2015, 09:47:44 PM
Walk up to the bar sing in a smooth voice "I'm in the mood for love, simply because my dick is in your mouth".
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: stromboli on April 23, 2015, 09:48:59 PM
Post by: stromboli on April 23, 2015, 09:48:59 PM
Yup, we got us some smooth characters on here.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 24, 2015, 05:42:18 AM
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 24, 2015, 05:42:18 AM
Quote from: kilodelta on April 23, 2015, 05:33:48 PM
Yup. Some of these would work on me in a second.
But how to go on after that. I'm a terrible flirt. Terrible ss in 'bad'. And wallets don't work on me. I'm cheap that way, but also high maintenance in another way. It's just too complicated for me.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 24, 2015, 07:26:36 AM
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on April 24, 2015, 07:26:36 AM
Quote from: Penny Dreadful on April 24, 2015, 05:42:18 AMJust remember, the other people probably feels as awkward as you. I mean seriously, you're sitting next to them, listening to nothing much, no real plans, so you decide to chat them up. What's the harm. You already feel rejected, so confirming it won't do much damage. And that's always the point where the judge buts in and say, "The jury will remain silent!" Asshole.
But how to go on after that. I'm a terrible flirt. Terrible ss in 'bad'. And wallets don't work on me. I'm cheap that way, but also high maintenance in another way. It's just too complicated for me.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: Desdinova on April 24, 2015, 08:45:05 AM
Post by: Desdinova on April 24, 2015, 08:45:05 AM
Quote from: Penny Dreadful on April 24, 2015, 05:42:18 AM
But how to go on after that. I'm a terrible flirt. Terrible ss in 'bad'. And wallets don't work on me. I'm cheap that way, but also high maintenance in another way. It's just too complicated for me.
Just be yourself Penny. That's all anyone can do. Oh, and nice to meet you, like others have said you're kind of a legend around here.
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: The Skeletal Atheist on April 24, 2015, 08:53:40 AM
Post by: The Skeletal Atheist on April 24, 2015, 08:53:40 AM
"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: The Skeletal Atheist on April 24, 2015, 08:58:42 AM
Post by: The Skeletal Atheist on April 24, 2015, 08:58:42 AM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get in the van
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get in the van
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 24, 2015, 11:44:21 AM
Post by: drunkenshoe on April 24, 2015, 11:44:21 AM
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on April 24, 2015, 07:26:36 AM
Just remember, the other people probably feels as awkward as you. I mean seriously, you're sitting next to them, listening to nothing much, no real plans, so you decide to chat them up. What's the harm. You already feel rejected, so confirming it won't do much damage. And that's always the point where the judge buts in and say, "The jury will remain silent!" Asshole.
I'm not awkward as in let's say, can't talk or carry a conversation. I m outgoing, however, I think I want to know his opinions about topics mostly poeople don't like to talk often. If he says something a bit right I keep thinking, is he nationalist? If he says slut, I think is he sexist? Also more importantly, I never get 'affected' or 'impressed' by people in a short time period. Even as a teenager it took me months to be in love. I had a few serious relationships and then some ordinary stuff and I was always lucky in the men department, but I need to get around with them for some time. Everything is so fast nowadays. :sad2: And all the men I loved was like me. We didn't get in those dating games. Time to call, first time to have sex, time to do this and that...etc. SO much drama. :boohoo: And I'm not a girly enough girl. I know that sounds sexist, but unfortunately most guys like pink shitting, parfume farting girly girls, treating them like shit. I have found a few that didn't want that in the past. then I took a break from that life and WHAM! they all disappeared. Now, I can't see any of that kind on the horizon.
You might be right. I'll start with 'rejected'. :lol: And move from there. My mom says I am too picky. What does that even mean? It's just as I keep staying single, I become more single by the time.
Quote from: Desdinova on April 24, 2015, 08:45:05 AM
Just be yourself Penny. That's all anyone can do.
Nice to meet you too, Desdinova. I'm afraid that could be the problem. I don't fit in really. But yes, it is all we can do.
QuoteOh, and nice to meet you, like others have said you're kind of a legend around here.
Probably, they thought I was dead or something. (Did that happen around when ISIS first broke out? They are close to the country I live in.) To my face it was more like 'drunkenhoe', 'psychopath', 'bitch', 'cunt', 'feminazi', 'man eater', 'hard ass', 'you hate western culture!', 'you hate western people'... yap yap', 'anti-american!'anti-semite!', 'apologist!'... I was getting anonymous 'love notes' left in the chat room. Aww. He didn't even leave a glass shoe behind. :lol:
Title: Re: Failed Pick Up Lines
Post by: kilodelta on April 24, 2015, 05:53:02 PM
Post by: kilodelta on April 24, 2015, 05:53:02 PM
