*Disclaimer*
This story contains use of the word penis and or boner
So at work there is this receptionist who is pretty cute, early 20's, she sings and says that she produces music but whenever we would talk about music production she seemed to know nothing about it, not even terminologies, this wasn't enough to make my boner go away though, today I walked by and she had a group of girls around her and she was explaining to them how quote "if the earth was even an inch closer or further away from the sun life couldn't be possible, thats proof of god" she then said to me "hey Ken I know you like science stuff so do you want to hear about what I learned from my Christian Scientist seminars?" My boner instantly goes flaccid, its still traumatized, the end.
Firstly, theres plenty of fish in the sea dude, and plus a fish would be more intelligent then this woman.
Second, ask her about this christian science seminar, it be really intresting to make a study on how Christians view science.
Quote from: MagetheEntertainer on September 11, 2014, 05:57:13 PM
*Disclaimer*
This story contains use of the word penis and or boner
(http://www.geekbinge.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/You-Had-My-Curiosity.jpg)
Quoteshe was explaining to them how quote "if the earth was even an inch closer or further away from the sun life couldn't be possible, thats proof of god"
Ha! In reality, it varies by about 5 million km over the course of the year.
Quoteshe then said to me "hey Ken I know you like science stuff so do you want to hear about what I learned from my Christian Scientist seminars?" My boner instantly goes flaccid, its still traumatized, the end.
Yeah, that's boner kryptonite.
Some hard-hitting stuff right there.
Flaccid is just a word, and yet so descriptive......
Point out that the Earth's orbit is an ellipse. Then tell her what that means with regard to her "one inch" hypothesis. Then explain what "hypothesis" means.
On second thought, just fuck her and tell her it was God's will.
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on September 11, 2014, 07:38:16 PMOn second thought, just fuck her and tell her it was God's will.
Cue social justice warriors crying rape.
Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on September 11, 2014, 09:46:31 PM
Cue social justice warriors crying rape.
Plus a nonzero chance of pregnancy/STD.
Christian Science is a bit different than mainstream christian churches and movements. Most christians have a fairly low opinion of christian science. I'm sure most of you have run across their reading rooms sprinkled around the country. This is a quick view of them:
Christian Science is a set of beliefs and practices belonging to the metaphysical family of new religious movements.[3] It was developed in 19th-century New England by Mary Baker Eddy (1821â€"1910), who argued in her book Science and Health (1875) that sickness is an illusion that can be corrected by prayer alone. The book became Christian Science's central text, along with the Bible, and by 2001 had sold ten million copies in 16 languages.[4]
Eddy and 25 followers were granted a charter in 1879 to found the Church of Christ (Scientist), and in 1894 the religion's Mother Church, The First Church of Christ, Scientist, was built in Boston, Massachusetts.[5] Christian Science was the fastest growing religion in the United States in the early 20th century, with nearly 270,000 members there by 1936, a figure that had declined by 1990 to 106,000.[6] The church is known for its newspaper, the Christian Science Monitor, which won seven Pulitzer Prizes between 1950 and 2002, and for its Reading Rooms, which are open to the public in around 1,200 cities.[7]
Christian Scientists see their religion as a return to "primitive Christianity and its lost element of healing," in the words of Eddy's Manual of the Mother Church.[8]There are several key differences between Christian Science and orthodox Christian theology.[9] In particular adherents subscribe to a radical form of philosophicalidealism, believing that reality is purely spiritual and the material world an illusion.[10] This includes the view that disease is a mental error rather than physical disorder, and that the sick should be treated, not by medicine, but by a form of prayer that seeks to correct the beliefs responsible for the illusion of ill health.[11]
They are often linked to the New Thought movement. They are close, but not the same. And all traditional christian churches have low opinions of the new thought people as well. This is a quick overview of this group:
The New Thought movement is a spiritual movement, sometimes classed as a Christian denomination, which developed in the United States in the 19th century, following the teachings of Phineas Quimby. The three major organizations within New Thought movement today are Religious Science, Unity Church and theChurch of Divine Science, with an estimated number of some 1,500,000 adherents in the United States between them.[1] There are numerous smaller groups, most of which are incorporated in the International New Thought Alliance,[2]
The concept of New Thought (sometimes known as "Higher Thought"[3]) promotes the ideas that Infinite Intelligence, or God, is everywhere, spirit is the totality of real things, true human selfhood is divine, divine thought is a force for good, sickness originates in the mind, and "right thinking" has a healing effect.[4][5]
Although New Thought is neither monolithic nor doctrinaire, in general, modern-day adherents of New Thought believe that God or Infinite Intelligence is "supreme, universal, and everlasting", that divinity dwells within each person, that all people are spiritual beings, that "the highest spiritual principle [is] loving one another unconditionally... and teaching and healing one another", and that "our mental states are carried forward into manifestation and become our experience in daily living".[4][5]
The New Thought movement originated in the early 19th century, and survives to the current day in the form of a loosely allied group of religious denominations, authors, philosophers, and individuals who share a set of beliefs concerning metaphysics, positive thinking, the law of attraction, healing, life force, creative visualization, and personal power.[6]
And so, Magnet, you may score some points if you talk a little about Mary Baker Eddy. :))
Aren't those the guys who think you can heal everything with prayer?
Quote from: The Skeletal Atheist on September 11, 2014, 10:38:32 PM
Aren't those the guys who think you can heal everything with prayer?
Yes, they do think that. They do not totally reject modern medicine or dental work or getting glasses. But they teach that prayer is the most powerful tool one can use to heal themselves. Which is okay with me--tends to keep their numbers down. :)
Or show this to her.
(http://i.imgur.com/UYCsGTT.jpg)
1: I wouldn't have read this if there wasn't a penis or boner reference.
2:Sorry about your limp dick
3: I know of a christian science reading room in the city and I think I am going to check it out next time I'm there for a laugh.
7: Ask her about her bullshit christian science semenar and make a video about it.
297: Yes I know I haven't been using correct numbering and yes I know I spelled seminar, semenar. Semenar was a reference to his dead boner and the bad counting was just poor humor on my part that I still find funny even though it's not
Quote from: MagetheEntertainer on September 11, 2014, 05:57:13 PM
*Disclaimer*
"if the earth was even an inch closer or further away from the sun life couldn't be possible, thats proof of god" she then said to me "hey Ken I know you like science stuff so do you want to hear about what I learned from my Christian Scientist seminars?" My boner instantly goes flaccid, its still traumatized, the end.
I can relate so much to this. I had a sorthlike experience with a muslim girl a few years ago. I thought she was very 'modern', as she didn't wear a headscarf (and she had some of the most fair hair I've ever seen), was in a hip-hop dancesquad (she could move!) and could be incredibly frank with people in discussions on the courtyard. She was one of the most beautiful girl's I'd had ever met.
But then one day, for class, we watched a movie about 'religious tollerance' or something in which the protagonist and deutoragonist were a couple consisting of a christian woman and a muslim man. There is one sex-scene in it and all of the sudden the auditorium has a mass exodus. All the muslims left briskly. And she was the first one, covering her eyes as she fled. A few days later, I learned she was actually 'preparing herself' to be a perfect muslim woman. After her school was over, she'd probably stop her dance-squad in a few years, she would cover up her hair and stop going out to parties. It was like she was getting the excess energy out early and would later resign to a life of following the Imhan's rules.
That killed my boner right there. I tried to ask if she didn't think that was unfair or a sad thing (but in better words) and she got defensive. Then a few days later she told me she didn't believe in evolution. She even said a line I never thought I'd hear in real life in ernest. The Dutch version of "If we evolved from monkeys, why do we still have monkeys." I never thought of her as attractive again, which is not to say we didn't get along anymore. I just stopped seeing her in that way. I even willingly and gladly burned all my chances with her by, not in a mean way, telling her that she was deadwrong and why this was.
On the plus side, I was in a car next to her a few months back. She still had her hair uncovered. Might still be hope.
Just remember, Mage. You WILL recover. I'm pulling for you and your penis. It may be days.... or even WEEKS, but I know you will get hard again.
You're pulling for his penis? Might want to rethink that......
Stop jerking around, Stromboli. You should pull for it too. We need him ready and excited so he can move on from this instance. It's truly balls. You don't need to get all testy over someone's genitals. If you are sensitive to the subject, you probably just need to harden up a bit.
Sent from your mom
Fear not about your limpicus maximus, Nurse Viagra is here to help.
(http://www.sildenafilakaviagra.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/viagra-and-women.jpg)
Maybe you can gently educate her, convert her away from her faith, and ... one thing leads to another...
Quote from: PickelledEggs on September 12, 2014, 01:03:49 AM
1: I wouldn't have read this if there wasn't a penis or boner reference.
2:Sorry about your limp dick
3: I know of a christian science reading room in the city and I think I am going to check it out next time I'm there for a laugh.
7: Ask her about her bullshit christian science semenar and make a video about it.
297: Yes I know I haven't been using correct numbering and yes I know I spelled seminar, semenar. Semenar was a reference to his dead boner and the bad counting was just poor humor on my part that I still find funny even though it's not
1: that always seems to work
2: I'm using porn to fix it
3: Good luck with that
7: She'll probably try to get me fired for humiliating her, besides I was only interested in her sex purposes which has become impossible
297: That part actually made me laugh a bit.
Quote from: Munch on September 12, 2014, 06:43:36 AM
Fear not about your limpicus maximus, Nurse Viagra is here to help.
(http://www.sildenafilakaviagra.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/viagra-and-women.jpg)
I think I saw her in a porn once..... Swank's Sex Hospital?.... I'll have to go through the archives tonight.
Quote from: MagetheEntertainer on September 12, 2014, 07:54:33 AM
7: She'll probably try to get me fired for humiliating her, besides I was only interested in her sex purposes which has become impossible
Yeah getting fired can suck.
Try to fuck her anyway. Tell her it's God's will.
Wow Pickelled, so much sexual innuendo, arent you getting much yourself :wtff: :popcorn:
Quote from: Green Bottle on September 12, 2014, 12:09:45 PM
Wow Pickelled, so much sexual innuendo, arent you getting much yourself :wtff: :popcorn:
Lol I tried to cram as much as I could think of in there. :lol:
Sent from your mom
(http://i.a.cnn.net/si/pr/subs/swimsuit/images/08_irina-shayk_03.jpg)
I typed "boner inducers" in google and got this. I also got a picture of Conan O'Brien with a monkey. You never know........ :think:
Quote from: Munch on September 12, 2014, 06:43:36 AM
Fear not about your limpicus maximus, Nurse Viagra is here to help.
(http://www.sildenafilakaviagra.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/viagra-and-women.jpg)
Are you sure she's a qualified nurse?
I'd like to see her credentials.
Quote from: Munch on September 12, 2014, 06:43:36 AM
Fear not about your limpicus maximus, Nurse Viagra is here to help.
(http://www.sildenafilakaviagra.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/viagra-and-women.jpg)
Between this and the vicodin that my dentist just prescribed me I think I might get by, thanks Doc :D
I just did a google search for the nurse--it said that it could not find it, but gave images of its best match. Lion costumes! Say what? Not quite the match I was expecting. :) I wonder about google at times.
QuoteMy boner instantly goes flaccid, its still traumatized, the end.
You probably shouldn't be walking around work with a boner-bulge in your pants, anyway. I'm not sure that it's considered to be professional attire.
Quote from: Mike Cl on September 12, 2014, 09:16:08 PM
I just did a google search for the nurse--it said that it could not find it, but gave images of its best match. Lion costumes! Say what? Not quite the match I was expecting. :) I wonder about google at times.
Amateur. Tineye (https://www.tineye.com/search/770e47db840b791544eea7039e57b011c76a4999/)
Quote from: Jason78 on September 17, 2014, 01:06:46 PM
Amateur. Tineye (https://www.tineye.com/search/770e47db840b791544eea7039e57b011c76a4999/)
Yeah, I guess so. I've never seen that site. Interesting--thanks.
Any update on your dick, Mage? Is it working again? I'm pulling for you.
Quote from: PickelledEggs on September 17, 2014, 08:56:50 PM
Any update on your dick, Mage? Is it working again? I'm pulling for you.
Your pulling was successful PickelledEggs! I got to utilize my genitals last weekend with a girl whose IQ is above room temperature so everything is Okay now.
Great. I'm so excited! A great climax to the situation. Dick jokes!
Sent from your mom