I've always been depressed, lazy, and incompetent. I'm never happy, and I never accomplish anything. I hate work, and I hate dealing with people. I also struggle to solve basic problems and perform basic feats of thinking. All I ever want to do is lay in bed and ponder, just dwell on whatever the thought is for that day.
There's also a side of me who wants to desperately to be educated and to accomplish great things. For the past five years or so (and to a large extent all my life, but especially in the past five years) I've wanted to attend a prestigious school, become very well-educated, start a great career, etc... but the time has obviously past for me. I'm 26 years old and I'm just too old for the college thing.
I currently attend a community college that I barely stay afloat at. My mind always wants to think that I can succeed with anything, but when it gets down to actually doing it, I fail every single time. I have an extensive record of failing grades going all the way back to kindergarten.
In high school I barely passed. I think my GPA was 1.6. My teachers passed me with Ds because they didn't want to have me again.
After high school I went to this local crappy university near my home because it was the only place I could get into (and only as a conditional admit). I spent three years there and never made it beyond freshman status because I flunked every single class. I was eventually kicked out permanently due to failing grades.
After this I spent four years working dead end jobs until I had the epiphany that education is what I wanted, and I decided I would turn it all around, go back to college (somewhere), make an outstanding performance, and succeed for once in my life, so I enrolled in the community college I'm currently attending.
This plan went well for the first couple of semesters. Now I'm back to the same old stuff. The material is getting more challenging, and I can't seem to hold my own with it.
I was 24 when I enrolled here, and my plan at the time was to spend two years at this community college, make outstanding grades, and transfer to a prestigious college, whichever one would take me. But now I've seen that rising to such a challenge is not something I'm capable of doing.
Now I'm 26, which is too old to even try for this goal anymore, and its not even looking like I'll be able to attend even a less prestigious university.
I don't know why I'm so incompetent and incapable of basic accomplishments. I mean, I'm further behind even the ditziest dumb blondes I went to high school with. Everyone else I know has either finished college or learned a useful trade that is making them sucessful. I still live at home and have no skills, apparently no education (as I can't even survive basic college courses), and no glimpse of hope in tackling any of my goals/dreams. I'm too old to do them by this poit as well.
I've also tested my IQ before and I always test around 85-90. It appears that I'm just a defective brain, stuck in the dungeons of incompetence forever.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 04:51:05 PM
I've also tested my IQ before and I always test around 85-90. It appears that I'm just a defective brain, stuck in the dungeons of incompetence forever.
For someone with such a low IQ, you compose your posts very articulately, and cohesively.
I suffer from Schizophrenia. I have had to deal with trying to find joy, in a sometimes joyless situation. I find that my physical well being, contributes strongly to my emotional well being. An intestinal-gas bubble can ruin my whole fucking mood, because it temporarily consumes my focus. Focusing on the pain will do that. Self-image is kind-of similar. If I focus on my shortcomings, then I feel useless.
You don't have to be smart or attractive to have a worthwhile life. Humans will reciprocate brotherly love, when they see it in someone else. If you give, eventually someone will give back.
And 26, is VERY YOUNG, Brother...don't give up on romance, just yet.
90 isn't that low an IQ. 100 is average, but most people are a bit lower or a bit higher. And if you believe most people, they'll all convince you they are above average intelligence. At leas you are honest about it. Besides, IQ isn't everything. Diligence, hard work and commitment can get you much further. IQ is just a base gift, doesn't say anything about how you use it and nurture it.
Now, sheath, without knowing you very well, I'm gonna give you one more piece of advise along THE lines of what I said in your intro thread. : stop putting yourself down.
There's a whole world of dog-eat-dog out there willing to do that for you. It does that to us all. Don't you keep following that shit.
And learn to love yourself, and others Will follow. Don't go for pitty, there is hardly any in THE world and it leaves a bitter aftertaste.
It seems to me that rather than seek answers from a forum you should perhaps speak to a professional who is better qualified to assist you.
Quote from: Mr.Obvious on March 22, 2017, 06:06:35 PM
90 isn't that low an IQ. 100 is average, but most people are a bit lower or a bit higher. And if you believe most people, they'll all convince you they are above average intelligence. At leas you are honest about it. Besides, IQ isn't everything. Diligence, hard work and commitment can get you much further. IQ is just a base gift, doesn't say anything about how you use it and nurture it.
Bullshit
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:16:29 PM
Bullshit
Is it? My brother has an IQ of 100 tops (having scored just under a few times), and he got a phD. He's coming home from sweden tomorrow, where he was working on an international and promissing project. He did well academically, but not because he was gifted at birth.
It's because he learned he needed to buckle down twice as hard to do the same work, but did it anyway.
On the other hand, I have three cousins with 'above average' inteligence and 'gifted-ness'. One is currently still putting it to good use and even he is not living up to the full potential he says he could do. The other two are 'squandering' the gift that others decided early in their life they had.
Stop hating yourself for what you feel you've been cheated out of. Stop envying what you don't have. Look at what you do have. And do everything you can to make it work to what you feel is best. If, at the end of the day you still don't reach your goals; then fuck it, at least you can hold your head high knowing you tried.
"I don't know why I'm so incompetent and incapable of basic accomplishments." ... I disagree, and I have genius level IQ. Also IQ tests (and Mensa) are bullshit. If blondes are so dumb, you should be able to get a date easily, since most of them will have lower IQ than you.
Ironically, those with the highest IQs tend to be the laziest, with a plethora of mental issues to go along with it, which prevents them from performing to their fullest potentials.
I was blessed with a high IQ, yet I have done absolutely nothing with my life. Also, I suffer from social anxiety and depression.
Quote from: Mr.Obvious on March 22, 2017, 06:24:44 PMLook at what you do have.
Not a god damn thing. Every single thing I've ever set out to do has failed. And naturally, as someone who gets overly excited about potentially big things that are about to happen, I hype everyone up about it, only for it to be a false alarm every single time. Everyone expects false alarms from me now after crying wolf hundreds of times. I'm just horse shit. Nothing more.
Quote from: Sorginak on March 22, 2017, 06:28:17 PM
Ironically, those with the highest IQs tend to be the laziest, with a plethora of mental issues to go along with it, which prevents them from performing to their fullest potentials.
I was blessed with a high IQ, yet I have done absolutely nothing with my life. Also, I suffer from social anxiety and depression.
Usually high (male) intelligence is part of the autistic spectrum disorder. And autism may be caused by genetics, gestational, labor event, or infancy problems. Keep at it, you can change yourself ... you can't change anyone else anyway.
Quote from: Baruch on March 22, 2017, 06:35:19 PM
Usually high (male) intelligence is part of the autistic spectrum disorder. And autism may be caused by genetics, gestational, labor event, or infancy problems. Keep at it, you can change yourself ... you can't change anyone else anyway.
I'm tired of trying. Almost 10 solid years of trying and I still haven't even completed a god damn associates degree from a shitty community college.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:31:45 PM
Not a god damn thing. Every single thing I've ever set out to do has failed. And naturally, as someone who gets overly excited about potentially big things that are about to happen, I hype everyone up about it, only for it to be a false alarm every single time. Everyone expects false alarms from me now after crying wolf hundreds of times. I'm just horse shit. Nothing more.
You may have a "time" disorder. Some people when they have an idea, get so excited, they feel as if they have already accomplished it. This defuses all their motivation (which would be normal if they had already done it). In some languages, that don't clear distinguish between "present" action and "future" action ... both the speaker and the hearer can get confused as to the chronological facts of the matter.
On the other hand, having an idea, having an enthusiasm is normal. You are at play, you aren't supposed to accomplish anything. The point of playing with toys, isn't to learn anything, it is to have a good time. Anything learnt is incidental. And the more sophisticated the individual, the more sophisticated their play. You may be too advanced in some ways, not backward ... but that puts you at odds with normal reality. Do you do any art? You seem like a potential nerd, not a potential geek. Nerds flourish with unstructured play.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:31:45 PM
Not a god damn thing. Every single thing I've ever set out to do has failed. And naturally, as someone who gets overly excited about potentially big things that are about to happen, I hype everyone up about it, only for it to be a false alarm every single time. Everyone expects false alarms from me now after crying wolf hundreds of times. I'm just horse shit. Nothing more.
To quote a guy I've met recently:
QuoteBullshit
Not in regards to how you believe others see you. I don't know you, nor the people you know. Could be, could be just your warped perception. I don't know. I won't say.
But Bullshit that you have nothing. You can't think of anything, maybe. But bullshit. You're you, Sheath. You are a human being with hopes and dreams and talents even if you've been burying them under self-pity. And there is only one way to get through that pile.
Start digging. Start digging now.
And don't stop digging until you find something. No matter how deep you need to go. No matter how long you need to keep at it. And never forget that by digging, you are breaking the negative spiral itself.
How else can you start respecting yourself? Self-pity is easy. Self-respect is hard. It's it's own foundation, but it takes effort none the less. It doesn't appear by itself, but earning it for yourself is more than worth it.
Now don't take the easy road. I don't want to hear excuses from you.
Dig.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:38:15 PM
I'm tired of trying. Almost 10 solid years of trying and I still haven't even completed a god damn associates degree from a shitty community college.
Have you considered that ... it is a shitty community college? That the problem isn't you? Also, people learn verbally, visually and kinesthetically. I have met smart people, who couldn't sit thru a 5 minute lecture. Have you considered that you should be doing something else, and by being fixated on the wrong goal, you simply are being masochistic?
I'm lazy, I hate work, I hate responsibility, and I FUCKING HATE authority. I can't keep a job for more than a couple of weeks because I hate the fact that I HAVE to be there from x to y time, I HAVE to do and say things according to x rules, and I may be disciplined if I don't. I hate getting up in the morning. I love to be alone and to sit around pondering. I have no work ethic at all. I despise work. For these reasons I'm suicidal almost every day because I just can't cope with reality. I hate it.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:49:43 PM
I'm lazy, I hate work, I hate responsibility, and I FUCKING HATE authority. I can't keep a job for more than a couple of weeks because I hate the fact that I HAVE to be there from x to y time, I HAVE to do and say things according to x rules, and I may be disciplined if I don't. I hate getting up in the morning. I love to be alone and to sit around pondering. I have no work ethic at all. I despise work. For these reasons I'm suicidal almost every day because I just can't cope with reality. I hate it.
I shall repeat that you need to speak to someone in a professional field regarding this.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:49:43 PM
I'm lazy, I hate work, I hate responsibility, and I FUCKING HATE authority. I can't keep a job for more than a couple of weeks because I hate the fact that I HAVE to be there from x to y time, I HAVE to do and say things according to x rules, and I may be disciplined if I don't. I hate getting up in the morning. I love to be alone and to sit around pondering. I have no work ethic at all. I despise work. For these reasons I'm suicidal almost every day because I just can't cope with reality. I hate it.
You definitely need professional help. That and don't take any non-prescription meds. Most people hate the things you hate ... you just have more of it. Definitely beach combing is in your future. Can you surf or play beach volleyball? You could meet dumb blonds that way.
Getting professional help for depression is like a drug addict going to rehab. It works rarely. These people can't change the core of who you are, which is where your tendencies and behavior stem from. They can make temporary differences at best, but the good results will undoubtedly fade and I'll be back to my old self again.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 06:31:45 PM
Not a god damn thing. Every single thing I've ever set out to do has failed. And naturally, as someone who gets overly excited about potentially big things that are about to happen, I hype everyone up about it, only for it to be a false alarm every single time. Everyone expects false alarms from me now after crying wolf hundreds of times. I'm just horse shit. Nothing more.
You could always turn to religion...
Then, at least you'd have delusion
Quote from: PickelledEggs on March 22, 2017, 08:01:24 PM
You could always turn to religion...
Then, at least you'd have delusion
I guess you could say that my pull-no-punches, no bullshit, objective views of myself are a rejection of the notion of deluding myself. I do not comfort myself with lies about myself. I give myself absolutely no leeway, and no compliment whatsoever. I don't want to live lies. I don't want people telling me that I'm x good thing or have x talent when I clearly don't. Unfortunately, a strict adherence to the truth reveals that I am indeed ignorant, unattractive, undesirable, and a failure.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 23, 2017, 02:01:42 AM
I guess you could say that my pull-no-punches, no bullshit, objective views of myself are a rejection of the notion of deluding myself. I do not comfort myself with lies about myself. I give myself absolutely no leeway, and no compliment whatsoever. I don't want to live lies. I don't want people telling me that I'm x good thing or have x talent when I clearly don't. Unfortunately, a strict adherence to the truth reveals that I am indeed ignorant, unattractive, undesirable, and a failure.
In the words of my nephew,
"Go sit in the corner, and call yourself a Butthole, 50 times." I mean, c'mon Brother ... if you are dead set on assessing yourself as worthless, then how are
we supposed to help?
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 23, 2017, 02:01:42 AM
I guess you could say that my pull-no-punches, no bullshit, objective views of myself are a rejection of the notion of deluding myself. I do not comfort myself with lies about myself. I give myself absolutely no leeway, and no compliment whatsoever. I don't want to live lies. I don't want people telling me that I'm x good thing or have x talent when I clearly don't. Unfortunately, a strict adherence to the truth reveals that I am indeed ignorant, unattractive, undesirable, and a failure.
Mindset, mate. Mindset.
Facing 'the truth' without leaping into denial takes guts. There you go. One positive attribute off the bat.
Continuing on despite what you considere an undesireable 'reality' takes bravery and power of will.
And I appreciate no-bullshit attitudes in general.
Just do me a favor. Don't jumble delusion and hope into one mess. They may seem similar at times, but one is hard to hold onto yet worthwhile, the other is easy to aqcuire but holds you back.
Part of me wonders if this is some obscure way of trolling... but the other part of me is actually worried and concerned about this guy
Quote from: PickelledEggs on March 23, 2017, 11:22:08 AM
Part of me wonders if this is some obscure way of trolling... but the other part of me is actually worried and concerned about this guy
If it's trolling, it's not neffective, as it doesn't piss me off. Pissing off people is what makes trolling a art, right?
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 07:48:55 PM
Getting professional help for depression is like a drug addict going to rehab. It works rarely. These people can't change the core of who you are, which is where your tendencies and behavior stem from. They can make temporary differences at best, but the good results will undoubtedly fade and I'll be back to my old self again.
You're not really in a position to accurately analyze your situation. The only way to feel better after spinning your wheels for 10 years is to make change. Or not, up to you. I can say if you make no effort you'll stay exactly the same.
Quote from: PickelledEggs on March 23, 2017, 11:22:08 AM
Part of me wonders if this is some obscure way of trolling... but the other part of me is actually worried and concerned about this guy
I thought the same thing at first, but maybe it's just a person who is really depressed and also an atheist.
Intelligence is not the primary factor in success. Not even close. And success is not necessarily a marker of intelligence.
Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
FYI: Never too old to get an education.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 04:51:05 PM
Now I'm 26, which is too old to even try for this goal anymore,
As Ann Landers would say....and in 4 years you'll be 30. So in four years you could be a graduate or still not. I have been told my IQ is 135....I don't think so....and many here would agree with me.
Have you ever tried acting? A real character actor can benefit from a less than ideal appearance. Maybe you could give some depth of understanding to an unconventional personality...
Jesus man, 26 is VERY young. You've been a legal adult for only 8 years.Get some perspective. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 23, 2017, 02:01:42 AM
I guess you could say that my pull-no-punches, no bullshit, objective views of myself are a rejection of the notion of deluding myself. I do not comfort myself with lies about myself. I give myself absolutely no leeway, and no compliment whatsoever. I don't want to live lies. I don't want people telling me that I'm x good thing or have x talent when I clearly don't. Unfortunately, a strict adherence to the truth reveals that I am indeed ignorant, unattractive, undesirable, and a failure.
At 16, I was mowing army base grass at minimum wage. On weekends I pumped gas at less than minimum wage. At 18, I got myself into college and wasted all that money because political activism was a LOT more interesting. But it got me a real job and I eventually went back to college and got my degree. Not because it gained me anything at my job but because I WANTED IT!
I won't even bother to insult you.
Quote from: Cavebear on March 25, 2017, 02:44:07 AM
At 16, I was mowing army base grass at minimum wage. On weekends I pumped gas at less than minimum wage. At 18, I got myself into college and wasted all that money because political activism was a LOT more interesting. But it got me a real job and I eventually went back to college and got my degree. Not because it gained me anything at my job but because I WANTED IT!
I won't even bother to insult you.
Why am I not surprised at your youth? Congratulations on growing up a little. The Vietnam War vets got much better grades than I did, because they were 10 years older, and had seen the real world ... homework wasn't much a problem compared to pungee pits.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 07:48:55 PM
Getting professional help for depression is like a drug addict going to rehab. It works rarely. These people can't change the core of who you are, which is where your tendencies and behavior stem from. They can make temporary differences at best, but the good results will undoubtedly fade and I'll be back to my old self again.
Absolutely, patently false.
Quote from: Mermaid on March 25, 2017, 11:46:23 AM
Absolutely, patently false.
I agree. Getting mental health assistance is just the same as getting physical health assistance. Professionals know what they are doing.
Quote from: Cavebear on March 26, 2017, 06:28:28 AM
I agree. Getting mental health assistance is just the same as getting physical health assistance. Professionals know what they are doing.
No! No! No! Mental health treatment, is
SO much less advanced or effective, than "physical" health, that we are basically still in the psychiatric Dark Ages. Beware of antidepressants: going off them is worse than going off crack. Also watch out for some anti-psychotics, like Risperdal and Serequel. They cause some extreme side effects.
That being said, a therapist might be helpful.
They aren't there to make you change at all. And there does not have to be something wrong with you to see one.
Quote from: Solomon Zorn on March 26, 2017, 08:19:45 AM
No! No! No! Mental health treatment, is SO much less advanced or effective, than "physical" health, that we are basically still in the psychiatric Dark Ages. Beware of antidepressants: going off them is worse than going off crack. Also watch out for some anti-psychotics, like Risperdal and Serequel. They cause some extreme side effects.
That being said, a therapist might be helpful.
I meant that receiving mental health treatment should be no more a concern than getting physical treatment. Neither should be considered any sort of shame. Yes, the skills for treating seem to be less for mental health, but they are improving.
Does anybody else think this guy is a troll?? I think he is. He tells us he is worthless and can't learn or do anything. Yet his writing skills are actually pretty good, as is his vocabulary. I would not be surprised is somewhere along the line he will find the 'light' and turn into another Pops.
Quote from: Mike Cl on April 03, 2017, 10:11:21 AM
Does anybody else think this guy is a troll?? I think he is. He tells us he is worthless and can't learn or do anything. Yet his writing skills are actually pretty good, as is his vocabulary. I would not be surprised is somewhere along the line he will find the 'light' and turn into another Pops.
I'm not. But I can see why it seems that way.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on March 22, 2017, 07:48:55 PM
Getting professional help for depression is like a drug addict going to rehab. It works rarely. These people can't change the core of who you are, which is where your tendencies and behavior stem from. They can make temporary differences at best, but the good results will undoubtedly fade and I'll be back to my old self again.
As long as you believe that it will be true.
Quote from: Mike Cl on April 03, 2017, 10:11:21 AM
Does anybody else think this guy is a troll?? I think he is. He tells us he is worthless and can't learn or do anything. Yet his writing skills are actually pretty good, as is his vocabulary. I would not be surprised is somewhere along the line he will find the 'light' and turn into another Pops.
Who are you referring to? "This guy" is rather vague.