I don't know if this is in the right section, if it isn't feel free to move it.
A huge trigger warning for this (And not the feminist kind of trigger warning, an actual trigger warning)
I've been dealing with severe depression lately.
I live in a house with someone who used to psychically and emotionally abuse me.
I rarely see my friends.
I have severe body image issues
My doctor is ignoring me about my hormones (I'm transgender)
And I got kicked out of my school.
I've nearly relapsed on self harming and I have only a few people to go to, but I'm to scared to.
Someone please give me advice, I'm crying right now.
Eh. Technically it's "Personal matters", but General Discussion isn't too far either. No biggie.
I don't know what "psychically" abused means... but referring to your friends, are there any you can see? I would recommend reaching out to them. Also, I would recommend seeing a professional. Friends know you best. And when you're in need, friends can be the best support, sometimes even better than blood-family.
That's all I have. Maybe someone else might have more/better advice, but I definitely recommend those two things as your top priority. Spend time with friends/see a professional.
Yeh, you gotta get out of your head. Someone in your position can easily fall into a spiral. The fact that you're reaching out online says a lot as it is. I'd advise talking to a friend or family member who loves you but in the absence of that, a professional. You're literally torturing yourself by staying quiet. I know this is an atheist forum and i'm not even religious but a school chaplain or church pastor would also be of help to you. If nothing less, they will offer support and sympathy.
Quote from: Dionysiou on February 18, 2016, 02:57:00 AM
Someone in your position can easily fall into a spiral.
This.
Don't fall in to a spiral anymore than you already are. You need to get out of your head. I wouldn't recommend talking to a chaplain or priest... because you're trans, but I would seek out a shoulder and an ear of a close friend/family member that loves you.
As someone that has been in many horrible spiraling depressions as I have can tell you, as low as you feel right now, it just means it's all up hill from here... or is it down hill? .... It gets better is what I'm trying to say.
(up hill is moving up, but down hill has more ease... I don't know which I'm supposed to use...)
Quote from: PickelledEggs on February 18, 2016, 03:21:02 AM
This.
Don't fall in to a spiral anymore than you already are. You need to get out of your head. I wouldn't recommend talking to a chaplain or priest... because you're trans, but I would seek out a shoulder and an ear of a close friend/family member that loves you.
As someone that has been in many horrible spiraling depressions as I have can tell you, as low as you feel right now, it just means it's all up hill from here... or is it down hill? .... It gets better is what I'm trying to say.
(up hill is moving up, but down hill has more ease... I don't know which I'm supposed to use...)
I'm tired of crying everyday because the few people I have a connection with I never see, and I have severe body image issues.
Quote from: Jannabear on February 18, 2016, 03:24:20 AM
I'm tired of crying everyday because the few people I have a connection with I never see, and I have severe body image issues.
Your body image issues is something I cannot help you with. All I am going to be able to say is be happy with who you are as a person, and as long as you're healthy, that's all that matters, and if you're not healthy, that is something that can be easily changed with diet/exercise. If you're body image issues are coming from the fact that you were born the wrong sex, that is something I, as a straight man, cannot help with though, since I do not know what you are going through... at all. Especially since I only know you through the forum slightly. Friends will be able to help much better. If you can't see them in person, skype them so you can see their face.
You're going to have to trust me that you need to talk with your friends. Even though I don't know you that well, I know from experience that depression eases quickly when you have friends to help you through it. Don't make excuses to talking to your friends. That is what a friend is. Someone that cares about you. Your friends don't care about your body. They like you for who you are.
You are in a category of high risk for suicide with a list like that and I hope you can get some help if possible through friends, professionals or maybe a support group near you for abuse survivors or transgender people. Are you near a major city?
How old are you? I would recommend moving out of your situation if possible, probably the most important first step.
You might try getting out of the house, into nature or the anonymous public. Go to the park, visit a library, where you can get away for awhile.
There are several transgender hotlines. Give them a shot at helping. Google brought up quite a few. Good luck.
Jannabear, I struggled with suicidal depression for many years and tried many times to end my life. Nothing ever seemed to help and the so called professionals were even less than useless, but the good news is that I finally came to grips with it somewhere along the way I can not tell you how it works, but I do know that depression comes and goes. It doesn't last forever. It certainly can feel like it lasts forever and when you're in the downward spiral hope just goes out the window.
Time however is your friend. The older you get the closer you get toward the day that you're going to just die from natural causes. There's no need to rush the process.
As for being around abusive people..get out and away from them even if it means living in a homeless shelter or even an abandoned house somewhere. I did that. Believe it or not many cities offer quite a few resources for homeless people though certainly not all of them do. I had to go to another city to another shelter where I didn't know a single soul, but that was after I did some digging on what cities offer the best services.
A big part of it is just learning how like the person that you are. You have to accept who you are.
I have no magic answers because there are no magic answers. They don't exist,but you exist so you have to find reasons to exist and like the person you are and want to be.
It sure sounds cliche, but your existence really is inside your head. Find the things that make you happy and do them,but it sure sounds like you really need to get away from the people who are abusive to you.
Quote from: Jannabear on February 18, 2016, 01:05:19 AM
I have severe body image issues
I've just seen your feet. You have nice feet.
O-oh.....we gonna go off into weird fetish land?
If that's your thing. Your place or mine?
Oh please you two, get a podiatrist…..lol…get it? LOLOLOL
sometimes I crack me up.
Quote from: aitm on February 18, 2016, 05:41:11 PM
Oh please you two, get a podiatrist…..lol…get it? LOLOLOL
sometimes I crack me up.
I've had a streamer ask me for feet pics in front of a 1000 people.
WARNING: You may well know everything I'm about to say. But I'm going to say it anyway because its all true.
I had undiagnosed chronic depression from my very early teens until my late thirties. Then I had a diagnosis, or at least a self-diagnosis which is to say I came to grips with the fact that I was a guy who had depression stuff going on. Through professional help I came to realize my depressive state stretched back into my earliest memories of childhood and therefore was chronic. But after that professional help as well as a fair amount of my own internal work I'm comfortable saying that I'm in a very good place. I'm reluctant to say that I'm cured only because I have my doubts that anyone with chronic depression can ever really say with confidence that they're fully cured. That's just how depression is. But with the tools and experience I now have, I can confidently say that I will never again be as crippled as I once was.
But that's me and you may well be thinking that as far as you're concerned I could be some sort of superhero or at the very least someone who isn't you. Fair point. Just because I did it, doesn't mean you can do it.
But here is what my path has taught me that neither you nor anyone else can deny. These things you're thinking and/or feeling that are making you feel the way you do are the result of chemicals flowing in your brain and nothing more. And tomorrow or the next day or possibly the day after that, the chemicals in your brain will be different and you will no longer feel exactly the way you do right now. Don't get me wrong, those chemicals are some powerful shit and they can alter your reality in very profound ways. To be sure, anyone who could patent a way to harness those chemicals could easily buy their own island and retire to long life of unending alcohol and prostitutes. Good high end call girl type prostitutes, not the cheap street walker crack head variety but I digress.
Anyway if you've hung with me this far, here is the bottom line that I'm sure of. There is a way back from this. It may not be easy. It may not be painless. But it is always there and more importantly, it is always worth it. Keep your chin up. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it no matter how many times that might have failed in the past. And above all keep on swinging. If you bail, you let the chemicals win. Fuck those chemicals. Fuck em' all.
My doctor raised my estradiol to 2mg, so I'm finally going to have some changes I'm extremely happy rn.
Something Johan and myself kind of pointed at is something you need to learn is to become comfortable living in your own skin. It ain't easy. Hell, life ain't easy and nobody ever said it is, but you only have one life and one skin to live it in.
I wish I had a nickel for every failed suicide attempt of mine, but I'm fairly confident that I'm able to close that chapter of life and move on.
I have no clue if the depression will return or not and it probably will from time to time, but at least now I know that it doesn't last forever, it just feels like it lasts forever. Soldier on..
Quote from: AllPurposeAtheist on February 19, 2016, 04:02:52 AM
Something Johan and myself kind of pointed at is something you need to learn is to become comfortable living in your own skin. It ain't easy. Hell, life ain't easy and nobody ever said it is, but you only have one life and one skin to live it in.
I wish I had a nickel for every failed suicide attempt of mine, but I'm fairly confident that I'm able to close that chapter of life and move on.
I have no clue if the depression will return or not and it probably will from time to time, but at least now I know that it doesn't last forever, it just feels like it lasts forever. Soldier on..
Saying "living in your own skin" to someone who's transgender is a retarded statement.
Unless you meant living in general.
Quote from: Jannabear on February 19, 2016, 04:56:12 AM
Saying "living in your own skin" to someone who's transgender is a retarded statement.
well...this has the makings of a delightful conversation....
Quote from: aitm on February 19, 2016, 07:29:28 AM
well...this has the makings of a delightful conversation....
Sorry, I was being rude.
It is a step up that you recognized and admitted it.
Quote from: Jannabear on February 19, 2016, 04:56:12 AM
Saying "living in your own skin" to someone who's transgender is a retarded statement.
Unless you meant living in general.
Why? Does being transgender involve some sort of skin transplant process that I don't know about? Its still your skin moron. Why did I just call you a moron? Because immediately referring to anyone or anything you disagree with as being fucking retarded (something you do often) is something that moron does. Now stop being a fucking moron you fucking moron.
Quote from: Johan on February 20, 2016, 12:10:56 PM
Why? Does being transgender involve some sort of skin transplant process that I don't know about?
Yes, but it has to be the skin of a virgin taken on the day of the first period, bathed in her own menstrual fluids, and imbued with her spirit by the Holy Transgender Necromancers.
Fair and balanced (like Fox News).
Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on February 20, 2016, 04:48:40 PM
Yes, but it has to be the skin of a virgin taken on the day of the first period, bathed in her own menstrual fluids, and imbued with her spirit by the Holy Transgender Necromancers.
that kinda gave me a boner….
Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on February 20, 2016, 04:48:40 PM
Yes, but it has to be the skin of a virgin taken on the day of the first period, bathed in her own menstrual fluids, and imbued with her spirit by the Holy Transgender Necromancers.
Oh yeah, I don't know how I could of forgotten about that. Also helps explain why genderl reassignment can be so expensive. Virgin skin soaked in its own menstrual fluids doesn't exactly grow on trees these days.
Quote from: aitm on February 20, 2016, 05:40:32 PM
that kinda gave me a boner….
Yeah, my mind goes to strange places when I'm tired. :lol:
Quote from: Johan on February 20, 2016, 05:52:32 PM
Oh yeah, I don't know how I could of forgotten about that. Also helps explain why genderl reassignment can be so expensive. Virgin skin soaked in its own menstrual fluids doesn't exactly grow on trees these days.
Not to mention finding a good necromancer is like finding an honest chiropractor. You have to sift through so many shills just to find one that's honest about what they're really doing, it's almost not worth the effort.
Quote from: Johan on February 20, 2016, 12:10:56 PM
Why? Does being transgender involve some sort of skin transplant process that I don't know about? Its still your skin moron. Why did I just call you a moron? Because immediately referring to anyone or anything you disagree with as being fucking retarded (something you do often) is something that moron does. Now stop being a fucking moron you fucking moron.
I said that if that's what he meant that statement is retarded.
And he didn't.
Obviously he didn't. And yet, you felt the need to lash out anyway just in case I suppose. Here's the thing you should try to keep in mind about creating a thread like this in a place like this. These responses you're getting? They're from real live people who are taking the time to read your comments, process them and then making the effort to write responses that they genuinely feel may help. When you then act like an asshole in return, either because you feel being transgender gives you a right to (it doesn't) or being depressed gives you a right to (it doesn't) or being you gives you a right to (it doesn't), you make all of these people that much less likely to want to engage with you or help you from here on out.
If that's your goal then by all means, have at it Scheckie. But remember that you're getting what you're asking for.