My entire family belongs to one Christian denomination or another, with the exception of my cousin. I have almost no friends/acquaintances who are atheists, and the ones who claim to be are... not the nicest people.
Anyway, I was talking with my cousin about how isolating it feels sometimes, and he said being an atheist is like having moderately aggressive cancer. People don't know how to act around you so they mostly just avoid you, but when they inevitably run across you, they act super fake.
I agree with the sentiment, but to me, being an atheist is more like being the gay kid in a powerful, conservative political family. They don't know whether to embrace you or shun you because of what other people might think.
What is being an atheist like to you, in terms of your personal relationships?
I don't advertise it. I'm good friends with a Christian fundamentalist couple, who know I'm an atheist. Their beliefs are wacky as heck, but they are thoughtful and kind to me. They said they didn't want to hear about my atheism. It was an odd thing to say, because I never expressed a desire or tendency to tell them about it. In fact, they heard about my atheism from someone else.
But their unsolicited comment is both telling and alarming. They obviously don't want to be exposed to such a contrary idea. They are not interested in why I'm an atheist, or what atheism even means to me. This alarms me because it's dangerously closed minded. It's an attitude that with lesser people leads to serious misunderstanding and harm.
Not that it makes much difference, but most atheists in the US have a keen understanding of Christianity. We are bombarded with it as they constantly jabber about their faith. Many of us were former Christians, and many of us know more about their religion than they do. We probably know more about other religions than they do.
But they don't want to have any knowledge about a point of view outside their own. In all my life, I have had only Christian, just one (1), even ask me why I was an atheist. Excluding other perspectives seems rather unintellectual, and one of the worst aspects of such intentional ignorance is the harm it causes.
Quote from: SGOS on May 15, 2015, 05:56:58 PM
I don't advertise it.
Yeah, me too. I don't exactly hide it, but I don't bandy it about, either. And since the subject of religion hardly ever comes up, I don't have to worry about it. I don't know anyone who's very religious anyway - I try to stay well away from fundies. The only place I ever argue about religion is places like this fine establishment. I feel bad for those who are stuck in the most churchified places.
I'm sorry to hear what your going though dude. Its funny how if your an atheist, you've come to your own atheistic beliefs on your own, where as if your gay your just born that way. But regardless, if your gay, you could either be born into an open minded and expressive family that supports it, or an conservative family that doesn't, and since your almost never likely to be born in a gay family, its always a lone trip until you meet other gay guys.
Being an atheist, your either born into a family with no real religious ties, or one with any number of religious thinking, and unlike if your born gay, being an atheist in such a household means you came to your own thoughts on theistic beliefs, and that takes some serious focus to come to that on your own.
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 15, 2015, 05:21:46 PM
My entire family belongs to one Christian denomination or another, with the exception of my cousin. I have almost no friends/acquaintances who are atheists, and the ones who claim to be are... not the nicest people.
Anyway, I was talking with my cousin about how isolating it feels sometimes, and he said being an atheist is like having moderately aggressive cancer. People don't know how to act around you so they mostly just avoid you, but when they inevitably run across you, they act super fake.
I agree with the sentiment, but to me, being an atheist is more like being the gay kid in a powerful, conservative political family. They don't know whether to embrace you or shun you because of what other people might think.
What is being an atheist like to you, in terms of your personal relationships?
I don't advertise that I am an athiest. I go around mingling wit the religious and when I engage someone on religion I still don't tell them. Telling them that ends our ability to interract. By bot doing so I can engage them in all sorts of thoughtful topics.
I've never advertised I'm an atheist either. In fact it all started really innocuously on Facebook. My sister posted some dippy inspiration quote from Albert Camus and I pointed out that he was an existentialist atheist. She immediately messaged me to ask me what my problem is. She's been going through this really pious time lately and I've been mum on the whole issue. Well, after a short discussion about it, my lack of religion just sort of came out. That led to her unfriending me on Facebook, telling my whole family, which prompted a lot of calls over concern for my soul, and now, I'm largely ostracized except for my mom who continues to cry about it and my dad who has always been a "whatever floats your boat" kind of guy.
I had a feeling most of my family sort of sensed I wasn't religious at all, but never asked questions. In hindsight, I realize it was like I was living some sort of double life. If I could take it back, I would. But at the same time, why do I have to feel so ashamed? I don't really feel ashamed, but I feel like I should? Does that make sense?
...immaterial.
Honestly, the subject rarely comes up unless I bring it up, so I don't bring it up and we have a nice time.
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 16, 2015, 10:08:50 AM
I've never advertised I'm an atheist either. In fact it all started really innocuously on Facebook. My sister posted some dippy inspiration quote from Albert Camus and I pointed out that he was an existentialist atheist. She immediately messaged me to ask me what my problem is. She's been going through this really pious time lately and I've been mum on the whole issue. Well, after a short discussion about it, my lack of religion just sort of came out. That led to her unfriending me on Facebook, telling my whole family, which prompted a lot of calls over concern for my soul, and now, I'm largely ostracized except for my mom who continues to cry about it and my dad who has always been a "whatever floats your boat" kind of guy.
I'm sorry, but I just had to laugh at the chaos that results in some families over stuff. And when it involves concern over you soul, well that makes me laugh even more. "Hey everybody, Tom is going over to the dark side. His soul is in danger. We need to have an intervention right away."
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 16, 2015, 10:08:50 AM
I've never advertised I'm an atheist either. In fact it all started really innocuously on Facebook. My sister posted some dippy inspiration quote from Albert Camus and I pointed out that he was an existentialist atheist. She immediately messaged me to ask me what my problem is. She's been going through this really pious time lately and I've been mum on the whole issue. Well, after a short discussion about it, my lack of religion just sort of came out. That led to her unfriending me on Facebook, telling my whole family, which prompted a lot of calls over concern for my soul, and now, I'm largely ostracized except for my mom who continues to cry about it and my dad who has always been a "whatever floats your boat" kind of guy.
I had a feeling most of my family sort of sensed I wasn't religious at all, but never asked questions. In hindsight, I realize it was like I was living some sort of double life. If I could take it back, I would. But at the same time, why do I have to feel so ashamed? I don't really feel ashamed, but I feel like I should? Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes sense. And you should not feel ashamed. But it is difficult being branded by family as being the 'outcast' one. I've had to watch my mouth around my brother-in-law. He is a Catholic and at one time he was studying to be a deacon. He is changing his mind a bit about this religion, but I keep quiet. I'd talk about it if he brought up the subject, but I'd go lightly anyway. Keeping the peace in the family seems worth it. But, at times, it just flat pisses me off that they can talk about anything and say what they want because it is accepted since they are 'sincerely religious', as though atheists cannot be sincere. Maybe my mouth won't be kept quiet much longer???? :)) If you hear of an explosion around Modesto, CA, that will have been me. :))
Quote from: SGOS on May 16, 2015, 10:15:06 AM
I'm sorry, but I just had to laugh at the chaos that results in some families over stuff. And when it involves concern over you soul, well that makes me laugh even more. "Hey everybody, Tom is going over to the dark side. His soul is in danger. We need to have an intervention right away."
I'm actually female. :) It's my fault, I've used this username on most forums since I was like 12 and it was supposed to be a play on the word tomfoolery but its led to honest confusion about my gender. But I agree, the whole "call in the cavalry, we have a non-believer in the fold!" mentality is... sad.
The way my mom has been going on about it, you'd think I murdered someone. Lines like "You weren't raised this way" and "What made you decide to do this" could easily be conceived in some sort of setting where I was wearing a jumpsuit and we were talking to each other on phones while staring at each other through bulletproof glass.
[Sometimes] Being an atheist is like being a spectator watching seperate masses of people trying to move in different speeds in space-time towards an indestructible wall called reality.
Anything you put on Facebook is advertising. I find it to be a very bad idea to post anything like that on Facebook, and I avoid it very carefully--including "likes" and shares. I have come up with good diversion tactics to thwart the direct question.
Where i live, being an Atheist is no big deal really, most of the people i know or meet dont care either way if you believe or not........... :shifty:
I've found it easier to be openly bisexual than to admit to being an atheist.
However, the term "nonreligious" or "searching for my own path in life" goes over so much nicer than atheist. Just remember Christians are very big on labels and not so much on the definitions of those labels. If you want peace at home it might be best to tell your mom that the jury is still out on the whole "god" concept and you want to figure things out on your own. You mother will still have a sense of hope and you'll have some personal space.
It sucks, but I've had to play such childish games just to get along in life.
Quote from: Aletheia on May 16, 2015, 01:53:39 PM
Just remember Christians are very big on labels and not so much on the definitions of those labels.
Ha! :biggrin:
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 15, 2015, 05:21:46 PM
What is being an atheist like to you, in terms of your personal relationships?
If a relationship requires religion to be meaningful, it means your relationship is meaningless to begin with.
This applies to a lover/significant other, or casual friends.
In my immediate family and in the communities and schools in which I grew up, being non-religious was the norm, and few people proclaimed their religion (one exception was a Jewish girl I knew who came from a rather religious family). And my extended family were mostly mildly religious Lutherans who didn't talk about hell or damnation. So being an atheist wasn't hard for me (though I didn't call myself an "atheist" until my 30s). And even now, the people I hang around with and work with don't care about religion.
I'm similar to OPs situation. I'm the only professed atheist, and probably the only atheist in my family that I know of. However, the social environment I attend has plenty of atheists, which is also part why I like to hang out in those places (plus the beers which I enjoy there ...).
We usually don't discuss it, but it happens - and I usually just point out some obvious fault in the Bible, and it usually ends there.
I still use the term "epicurean existentialistic skeptic"…..most people get a curious look but very much like seeing a Jehovah Witness walking up the sidewalk have no desire to get engaged into something like that. I just smile, sometimes I say, "I have some brochures in the car". LOL…oh lordy the look they get.
Quote from: Aletheia on May 16, 2015, 01:53:39 PM
I've found it easier to be openly bisexual than to admit to being an atheist.
However, the term "nonreligious" or "searching for my own path in life" goes over so much nicer than atheist.
I should make a t-shirt that reads:
"I'm not an
atheist.I'm just not buying your
bullshit.
For me, being atheist is like being in room full of folks who believe in gods and various miscellaneous spiritual beings. The two things they all have in common is that they find it difficult to tolerate others who don't believe in their particular flavor of religion. And they ALL hate atheist. They believe atheists are minions of Satan or some such nonsense.
And I just want to scream out HOW CAN ALL OF YOU PEOPLE BE SO FOCKING DELUSIONAL?!!!! But I don't. I suck it up. I just smile and pretend that I'm one of them.
Ya,,. It's kinda like that.
Quote from: SkyChief on May 17, 2015, 01:13:45 PM
For me, being atheist is like being in room full of folks who believe in gods and various miscellaneous spiritual beings. The two things they all have in common is that they find it difficult to tolerate others who don't believe in their particular flavor of religion. And they ALL hate atheist. They believe atheists are minions of Satan or some such nonsense.
And I just want to scream out HOW CAN ALL OF YOU PEOPLE BE SO FOCKING DELUSIONAL?!!!! But I don't. I suck it up. I just smile and pretend that I'm one of them.
Ya,,. It's kinda like that.
Yep--know that feeling. :))
Quote from: SkyChief on May 17, 2015, 01:13:45 PM
They believe atheists are minions of Satan or some such nonsense.
That's because when they see us in action we look like a bunch of hate spewing assholes. Sometimes it's hard to see that we are kind considerate people as well.
Quote from: Givemeareason on May 17, 2015, 01:30:43 PM
That's because when they see us in action we look like a bunch of hate spewing assholes. Sometimes it's hard to see that we are kind considerate people as well.
Either you were looking in a mirror when you wrote that--or you are getting us mixed up with christians. Or you are tripping over the 'they' in your head again (still).
To me being an atheist is just like sitting in a chair on the front porch not giving a rats ass what anyone else thinks about it..
I just walk around with my Mohawk and scare the crap out of the Christians wearing my punk T shirt with Rock N Roll rules on it. A 73 year old guy that has a Mohawk makes them either laugh or run and hide. :super: :pidu: :weed: :butt: :cool: Solitary
Quote from: Givemeareason on May 17, 2015, 01:30:43 PM
That's because when they see us in action we look like a bunch of hate spewing assholes. Sometimes it's hard to see that we are kind considerate people as well.
The same can be said about christians. They are
such dicks.
Quote from: AllPurposeAtheist on May 17, 2015, 03:57:34 PM
To me being an atheist is just like sitting in a chair on the front porch not giving a rats ass what anyone else thinks about it..
Is it better to sit in smug complacency laughing at the world or is it better to jump in and make a complete fool of yourself as I often do? "I keep asking myself that. :-)
Quote from: the_antithesis on May 17, 2015, 04:40:31 PM
The same can be said about christians. They are such dicks.
Yes, but who are the grown ups?
Some people think they are grownup and mature when they are just arrogant old pricks. :fU: Solitary
Quote from: Solitary on May 17, 2015, 04:48:26 PM
Some people think they are grownup and mature when they are just arrogant old pricks. :fU: Solitary
Young pricks, old pricks... At the rate you're going I think I am losing this race.
A man never reveals his character more vividly than when portraying the character of another, and it is with trifles, and when he is off guard, that a man best reveals his true character, or a man so eager to be in advance of his age that he pretends to be in advance of himself. This idealist is incorrigible: if he is thrown out of heaven he makes an ideal of his hell. :shhh: :biggrin2: Solitary
Quote from: Givemeareason on May 17, 2015, 01:30:43 PM
That's because when they see us in action we look like a bunch of hate spewing assholes.
you run with the wrong group of atheists. The ones I know are pretty damn nice. Maybe that is why you are like you are eh? Find better friends.
Quote from: aitm on May 17, 2015, 07:36:14 PM
you run with the wrong group of atheists. The ones I know are pretty damn nice. Maybe that is why you are like you are eh? Find better friends.
I don't know, the few atheist acquaintances I do have seem to have giant chips on their shoulders and hate all religion. I mentioned to someone once that I liked something the pope said and all of a sudden, I wasn't "godless" enough. It was like the lack of religion thing all over again.
Most everyone here seems pretty laid back, but the atheists I know in real life are just as militant as the religious types.
My dad sometimes does a guilt trip about how "I just have to believe" or "you wonder why you're depressed, but you don't believe in anything" kind of stuff. He's backed off mostly, but occasionally it creeps back.
I should also note that in addition to me being an atheist, I am also a viscous skeptic... and yes there is a difference between an atheist and a skeptic atheist. I know quite a few VERY gullible atheists irl. (see James Randi quote in signature) My mom believes in faith healing and we've gotten in arguments that I am not open-minded because she doesn't understand the difference between what open-minded is and flat-out gullible.
Other than that and my frequent unrelated butting of heads with my dad, my relationship with my parents are good.
I have went through some friends that I am very happy about the outcome though. When someone says gleefully with soul-less eyes that they believe that I am going to suffer for eternity, you have to reconsider why you are friends with them IMO. (and make sure you get out of their car because a lunatic shouldn't be allowed to have a driver's license.)
Anyway, Weclome Tomfoolery!
Glad to have you aboard!
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 17, 2015, 08:12:02 PM
I don't know, the few atheist acquaintances I do have seem to have giant chips on their shoulders and hate all religion. I mentioned to someone once that I liked something the pope said and all of a sudden, I wasn't "godless" enough. It was like the lack of religion thing all over again.
Most everyone here seems pretty laid back, but the atheists I know in real life are just as militant as the religious types.
hating religion and being "hate spewing assholes" I believe are quite different eh?
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 17, 2015, 08:12:02 PM
I don't know, the few atheist acquaintances I do have seem to have giant chips on their shoulders and hate all religion. I mentioned to someone once that I liked something the pope said and all of a sudden, I wasn't "godless" enough. It was like the lack of religion thing all over again.
Most everyone here seems pretty laid back, but the atheists I know in real life are just as militant as the religious types.
My personal experience is almost the opposite of yours. While this forum might be less caustic than others, it is not as laid back as the few atheists I know personally, which amounts to roughly about 10 or so. Outside of this forum, I don't discuss atheism much with my atheist friends. They would if I brought up the subject, but mostly for them discussing theism is a waste of time, and discussing atheism just isn't necessary. Discussing either is simply unimportant to them. Their focus lies elsewhere.
One of the reasons I like this forum, is that it is a rare opportunity for me to discuss the topic. I think it's an important topic. My atheist friends on the outside don't treat it as important. At least no more important than the topic of hair color. In some ways, I envy that attitude. It's kind of like they just want to get on with the rest of their lives and theism/atheism is mostly irrelevant to that goal.
I think theism/atheism might be more important to me because I feel fucked over by my religious upbringing. I was fed a lot of bullshit, and I still resent it. Most of my atheist friends just grew up as atheists. My closest friend, from way back in my college days, was raised a Catholic, but he never bought into it, and his family was apparently pretty half assed about the religion anyway, so it was treated more like: "Yeah, we are Catholics, but you don't really think we believe all that shit do you?" That particular friend has always treated theism as a joke, rather than a harmful threat. He just doesn't care about it.
Being an atheist is like .... being free from the ignorance and superstitions of long dead goat herders.
Quote from: TomFoolery on May 15, 2015, 05:21:46 PM
What is being an atheist like to you, in terms of your personal relationships?
Three of my wives were believers in one fashion or another. They were okay with me not believing. Current wife is a non-believer, so there's no issue there.
As for everyday life me being atheistic came up once or twice in the first 57 years of my life. Otherwise, it was just one more thing that I am.
Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on May 18, 2015, 05:35:59 AM
Three of my wives were believers in one fashion or another. They were okay with me not believing. Current wife is a non-believer, so there's no issue there.
As for everyday life me being atheistic came up once or twice in the first 57 years of my life. Otherwise, it was just one more thing that I am.
It would always worry me, if I was in a relationship with someone who was religious. Based on my aunts religious tenancies and how its distanced me from her as a result, I'd worry about someone close to me being that way, since its in my nature to question and even argue points across in day to day religious vs atheist/gay news and reports I read.
Luckily my bfs not religious, neither is any of my close family.
Quote from: Munch on May 18, 2015, 06:27:13 AM
It would always worry me, if I was in a relationship with someone who was religious.
"always"?
I have different frames of reference from being Mormon and then Christian and now atheist. Atheism was not something I looked at back when as a "thing" but in retrospect I would say it went from being potentially demonic to merely misinformed to wtf, who cares? as much as anything.