Jimmy Kimmel has really come a long way in recent years. He's usually way funnier and more relevant to real issues than anything any of the other late night folks put out.
https://youtu.be/FXS9IZnvzPI
Let's hope their words never become actual scripture!
More lines GOP Jesus could have used:
"I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich."
"The reason that so many Americans love Duck Dynasty is because it represents the America usually ignored or mocked by liberal elites: A family that loves and cares for each other, believes in God, and speaks openly about their faith."
"After this attack in West Africa, Obama’s new domestic terrorism plan probably requires Americans to memorize Koran verses."
This is similar, only the other way round:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mLOUWl-L-s
Don't forget...
"Last I checked, we don’t have a rubber shortage in America." (referring of course to condoms)
"We need to seal our bordersâ€"but not just the southern border, the northern border, the Pacific border, the Atlantic border, every border."
I'd be a good president because... "I never hit my mother with a hammer, and I never stabbed anybody."
"She was favored to win, and she got schlonged!"
"We must insist on assimilation. Immigration without assimilation is an invasion. We need to tell folks who want to come here they need to come here legally. Learn English, adopt our values, roll up your sleeves and get to work."
That stuff sounds like it's from "Bad Lip Reading" gone mad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufGlBv8Z3NU