http://debunkingchristianity.blogspot.com/2013/03/scriptural-nonsense-why-jesus-is.html
"Nearly two thousand years ago, Christians were faced with a problem. Their beloved Jesus had said things indicating that he would return within their lifetime and set up his earthly kingdom (Matthew 16:27-28, Mark 9:1, Matthew 24:33-34). The apostles also taught this (James 5:7-8, 1 Peter 4:7, Revelation 22:12), with Paul even denigrating marriage because the end was so near (1 Corinthians 7:25-31). The trouble was that with each year that passed, just like Lindsay Lohan with a court date - Jesus was a no-show. As history has shown with apocalyptic cults and numerous failed Rapture predictions, most believers don’t lose faith when the return of Jesus fails to occur â€" they just find a way to rationalize, and push it into the nebulous future.
The pseudonymous author of 2 Peter (writing decades after the crucifixion) was acutely aware of the problem of the absentee Jesus, and helpfully offered this biblical nonsense as an explanation:
Above all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. They will say, “Where is this ‘coming’ he promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.â€â€¦ But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:3-4, 8-9 (NIV)
In plain English:
“Oh sure, everyone’s laughing and mocking because Jesus hasn’t come back but what they don’t realize is there’s a good reason why he hasn’t returned yet. You see, God’s time is different from our time. A thousand of our years is like a day to him. A few millennia, give or take. No big deal. But the main reason is because Jesus is so compassionate and doesn’t want anyone to go to Hell. He’s waiting to give everyone time to repent. Once he saddles up his white horse in the sky, it’ll be too late to change teams.â€
Jesus’ tardiness is motivated by his benevolence. Aww, ain’t that sweet!
This explanation might pacify the weak-minded faithful who are desperate to cling to their beliefs despite increasing evidence that Jesus will never return, but logically, it is utterly ridiculous.
Why? Because more people are being born every minute of every day on planet Earth. If God was withholding judgment to allow people time to repent, then he would have to put a freeze on human reproduction because otherwise, there will always be a percentage of people who haven’t had enough time to repent, no matter what the cutoff date.
Imagine a cashier at a supermarket, who needs to go on break. The manager tells her that she can take her break as soon as she rings up all the customers in her line. One small problem - the manager doesn’t put the ‘closed’ sign on the register lane. Customers will continue to get in line, and the cashier will never get a break.
This is why Second Peter’s rationale for the delay in Jesus’ return is nothing more than a good example of scriptural nonsense."
Oh wait, I think I figured it out. God's day is a thousand years but he forgot Daylight Savings. Or something.
Dude he just has traffic problems and his toilet flooded!
He was supposed to return in 2000. The fundies said so. He didn't.
In my Christian days, my take on the thing was that Jesus would return. Might be tomorrow or in 10,000 years. Whatever the Bible says about when doesn't make any difference. The Bible is obviously wrong since he hasn't come back in almost 2000 years. For some reason, I could live with that, but then I never believed the Bible was perfect. In fact, I was shocked to realize some people believed it was perfect.
Oh c'mon have you guys never been late for school or work?
Quote from: God on May 01, 2014, 03:34:13 AM
Oh c'mon have you guys never been late for school or work?
A couple hours maybe, once. After 12 hours they usually refer to it as not coming to work. After 2000 years....
Yeah, another thing that the religious mind dead ignore is that the babble instructs them to not have sex while they wait for the return of ole zombie boy, "I tell you know that even if you are married you should act as if you are not" somewhere in Matthew and all the other crap.
This issue was raised billions of times. That's why interpretation bullshit is a problem.
Quote from: SGOS on May 01, 2014, 06:22:28 AM
A couple hours maybe, once. After 12 hours they usually refer to it as not coming to work. After 2000 years....
Maybe he has house arrest then over something involving a mustard seed and a fig tree?? How would I know???
Quote from: God on May 01, 2014, 09:27:56 AM
Maybe he has house arrest then over something involving a mustard seed and a fig tree?? How would I know???
Or maybe over wild buttsex with a dozen other guys?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
Prophecied dates for Apocalypse that didn't happen.
Quote from: SGOS on May 01, 2014, 06:22:28 AM
A couple hours maybe, once. After 12 hours they usually refer to it as not coming to work. After 2000 years....
2000 years is like a second to Jesus. He created 15 billion years worth of Universe in just six days.
He'll come back in the next billion years; you just wait and see.
I don't wish to confirm that Jesus was on house arrest over the incidents but I have a very reliable source that he no longer is on the house arrest that I can't confirm he was on.
It's possible that he will be in the traffic jam until tomorrow but he can be awaited shortly. Final chance to repent and start prepping.
Quote from: God on May 01, 2014, 11:45:58 AM
I don't wish to confirm that Jesus was on house arrest over the incidents but I have a very reliable source that he no longer is on the house arrest that I can't confirm he was on.
It's possible that he will be in the traffic jam until tomorrow but he can be awaited shortly. Final chance to repent and start prepping.
So..... just curious. Is he coming on a white horse or is he doing the helicopter thing?
Well for this very special occasion I arranged the Enterprise D for him - don't tell him though it's gotta be a surprise!
Oh, good I was worried about the horse thing.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/cb-Wgrl0nBwmBzc/caught_on_tape_horses_loose_on_roads/
Quote from: God on May 01, 2014, 11:45:58 AMFinal chance to repent and start prepping.
How can anyone repent unless they've already pented at least once?
He's been having a hard time recently. Father issues and such. Wait another 2000 years and he'll get to ya then.
I was always taught that nobody can know the day or the hour of Jesus' return, so we must be ready at all times. Well, we all know that Christians completely disregard this instruction. NONE of them run their lives in such manner as to suggest they will be going away on a permanent vacation soon. They plan for the future, go to college, have children, save money....and they get involved in all kinds of political and religious causes. Why would they do any of that, if Jesus is coming soon? The reason they fight for various causes is because they want to make the world a better place for their children. Why bother, if Jesus is going to be here any minute to take them all away to heaven? They behave, as far as anyone can tell, like anybody else who plans to make Earth their permanent home, and a permanent home for their descendants, as well.
Right. Along the lines of don't question god or ask god to prove himself.