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Got a None Joke?

Started by Cassia, July 27, 2020, 10:47:19 PM

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Cassia

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman...?
_______________________None

How many white cops does it take to throw a black man down the stairwell?
________________________None. He fell.

Holy Buddha Balls, Jesus Fucking Mother of Christ, that was in poor taste......

Mike Cl

Quote from: Cassia on July 27, 2020, 10:47:19 PM
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman...?
_______________________None

How many white cops does it take to throw a black man down the stairwell?
________________________None. He fell.

Holy Buddha Balls, Jesus Fucking Mother of Christ, that was in poor taste......

Are these like elephant jokes??  Or the ethnic jokes I heard (and repeated) decades ago?  Like--Why do flies have wings?  To beat the Italians to the garbage can.  Or what does the bride and groom wear to a Polish wedding?  A bowling shirt.  Or what is the smallest book in the world?  The book of French war heroes.  Sub your fav. ethnic group at will. 

Or armless, legless man jokes.  What do you call an armless, legless man in a swimming pool?  Bob.  What do you call an armless legless man on your porch?  Matt.  And on and on.....................

I think that is enough history for awhile. :) 

Wait a minute, more jokes in poor taste.  Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?  So they can jump through trees raping monkeys.  What is the worst sound a monkey can hear?  Sprong, sprong...........................
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Blackleaf

A non-joke or an anti-joke is a joke with a setup but no punchline. It sets your expectations for something funny and gives no pay off, thereby somehow being funny anyway. I could have sworn there was a thread for this before...

For example: What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

[spoiler]A stab wound.[/spoiler]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

[spoiler]Get in the car.[/spoiler]

How do you confuse a blonde?

[spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

[spoiler]Blind.[/spoiler]
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville

drunkenshoe

How do you confuse a blonde?

[spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler]

I don't get this one.

"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides." Havelock Vetinari

Cassia

Quote from: Blackleaf on July 28, 2020, 12:58:01 AM
A non-joke or an anti-joke is a joke with a setup but no punchline. It sets your expectations for something funny and gives no pay off, thereby somehow being funny anyway. I could have sworn there was a thread for this before...

For example: What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

[spoiler]A stab wound.[/spoiler]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

[spoiler]Get in the car.[/spoiler]

How do you confuse a blonde?

[spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

[spoiler]Blind.[/spoiler]

Oh, I really like non-jokes

Cassia

Quote from: drunkenshoe on July 28, 2020, 03:15:19 AM
How do you confuse a blonde?

[spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler]

I don't get this one.
That is the joke, you don't need to be blonde to be confused, LOL

drunkenshoe

Quote from: Cassia on July 28, 2020, 09:06:13 AM
That is the joke, you don't need to be blonde to be confused, LOL

Ah...LOLOLOL Thanks.
"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides." Havelock Vetinari

Baruch

Quote from: drunkenshoe on July 28, 2020, 03:15:19 AM
How do you confuse a blonde?

[spoiler]Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.[/spoiler]

I don't get this one.

More blondes go on a diet?  The guy is pretending to be a salad?
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Blackleaf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nm61MvsVwU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZh9bJUtD6s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuJj5kgVYd4

I'd argue some of these aren't technically anti-jokes, because they do actually have a punchline, but they're still funny.
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville

Baruch

Evil chicken from Brooklyn.  Wonder why I hate NYC?  Because a tsunami hasn't sunk it yet.
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Mike Cl

Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end..................................


you would die.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Unbeliever

What do you call a qudruple amputee in the sky over Baghdad?




Sam
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Mr.Obvious

Maybe not exactly a non-joke.

But you ask: 'hey, what is the difference between a grade-schooler and a hooker? '

When they say, I don' t know, you reply with something along the lines of 'oh my god, you sick fuck'.
"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, last night, requesting 69.

Atheist Mantis does not pray.

Baruch

Quote from: Mr.Obvious on July 30, 2020, 01:32:46 PM
Maybe not exactly a non-joke.

But you ask: 'hey, what is the difference between a grade-schooler and a hooker? '

When they say, I don' t know, you reply with something along the lines of 'oh my god, you sick fuck'.

No, reply "I knew you weren't dead yet, Jeffrey"
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Draconic Aiur

QuoteGot a None Joke?

Naan at all.